A Story of Loss, Love and Redemption
This was contributed by our PFLAG mom, Nancy.
I’m in our hotel room ironing Alex’s clothes as she sits on the bed; I’m musing about how I feel more like the mother of the groom than the mother of the bride – and then it dawns on me – a door that I thought had been closed with the disability of my son, God has opened with my lesbian daughter.
When I was a mere child of 26 years old, I gave birth to my 3rd child and my first and only boy. It was an easy pregnancy and even an easy labor. I was ready to deliver when I arrived at the hospital – but there was a complication – he had turned and was no longer head down. When my water broke the umbilical cord and his arm came out. I was rushed to the operating room for an emergency cesarean section. And when I say emergency – I mean he was dying. They cut me from my belly button to my pelvic bone to get him out faster but he was in really bad shape. He wasn’t breathing and his heart was barely beating. They resuscitated him and took him straight to the special care nursery. Within a couple of hours he was intubated and transported by ambulance to Loyola University Medical Center to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. He has had many health problems since. Some perhaps related to his birth, some genetic and not related to his birth. He struggled with a degenerative form of epilepsy for many years that went undiagnosed and damaged his brain irreparably. He ended up having two major surgeries on his brain at age 12 which left him with other problems. Needless to say, many dreams of having a son have gone by the wayside. He is permanently disabled, unable to work. He never was able to participate in any sports, will never marry, have children, carry on the Lesslie name.
Fast forward to Saturday November 7, 2015. I’m in Madiera Beach Florida getting ready for my daughter’s wedding in just a couple of short hours. She is child number two of four and the middle girl of three sisters.
I’m in our hotel room ironing Alex’s clothes as she sits on the bed; I’m musing about how I feel more like the mother of the groom than the mother of the bride – and then it dawns on me – a door that I thought had been closed with the disability of my son, God has opened with my lesbian daughter. I am actually feeling like the mother of the groom. A role I would not otherwise have gotten to experience. A dream once tucked away but now able to be pulled out and dusted off. I know that probably sounds odd. At the condo across the street, her fiancée Danielle is also getting ready for the wedding. She is surrounded by a hairdresser, photographer, make-up artist, mother, aunt, grandmother. I look at my daughter, feminine in her own right, but not girly by any means.
Danielle will wear the wedding gown that we purchased for her (for some reason she didn’t feel like she could be like any other bride), while our daughter Alex will be wearing Khaki pants with the wedding color tiffany blue camisole under a sheer white button down shirt. No make-up, no jewelry, no muss, no fuss.
Danielle has also decided to take our family name legally. She will be the one to carry our future grandchildren and they will be given our last name. All of the things we thought had been taken from us through the disability of our only son God has given back to us through our daughter and Danielle. So, if being LGBT is wrong – God is definitely NOT giving me that message!![metaslider id=13272]
Some people who let things other than love rule their thoughts may not be able to see things this way. But I have always loved my children for who they are as individuals. I have never tried to fit them into any specific mold based on gender or anything else. I allowed them to pursue whatever was of interest to them specifically.
God is good. God doesn’t make mistakes. Being LGBT isn’t a mistake. Living your life as you are called to live it isn’t a mistake. I live by the principle of “Love God with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul; and love your neighbor as yourself”. It hasn’t failed me yet.
Has it been painful to have a disabled son and a lesbian daughter, yes. But more for what THEY have to suffer through. That hurts a parent to their very core. As for me – God has rewarded me ten-fold for perceived losses. I gave birth to one son but I now have 3 grandsons and 3 granddaughters. Those grandchildren just love being with their Nana and Grampy and we love going to their sporting events and programs and just being a part of their lives.
The wedding was on the beach just before sunset. It was absolutely gorgeous and there were many people on the beach gathered around to watch. They received much support, compliments and well wishes. No pun intended but the tide, it is a changin’
Love to all,
Originally posted 2015-12-08 20:22:58.