FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions about LGBT

PFLAG Atlanta is reproducing this information from the Presbyterian Church of Mt. Kisco (PCMK) website as a resource we have found very useful. None of the content in the Blue Book is authored or claimed to be authored by PFLAG Atlanta. All credits are to PCMK.

“The Blue Book: What We Wish We Had Known”

PCMK is a More Light Church and a member of the Covenant Network of Presbyterians, welcoming people of all sexual orientations. We seek to end the ignorance, silence and fear regarding this issue. Our mission is to educate our members and the larger community through information and outreach.

Because of the fear and loneliness around the subject of sexual orientation, the Mt. Kisco Presbyterian Church has produced a helpful and healing resource called “The Blue Book.” There are no mystical meanings here, just a reference to the hard copy version, which has a plain blue cover.

The complete title is, “What We Wish We Had Known — a Resource to Help End the Silence.”

Its purpose is to help families and congregations heal broken relationships and affirm the differences that make us human together. It is intended for those who know very little about the subject, as well as those whose families and personal lives have been deeply affected by misunderstanding.
The subject is considered in four aspects: Science, Psychology, Sociology and Theology. A complete bibliography is found at the end of the work.

Browse through the online book, choosing the topics that interest you most, at least at the present time.

The Blue Book

What We Wish We Had Known (The Blue Book)

Breaking the Silence, Moving Toward Understanding

Thirty years ago, acknowledging one’s homosexuality in public required exceptional courage

and posed extraordinary risks.1 Gay people had reason to remain silent: they wanted to

survive.

Today, many people are identifying themselves as gay. The percentage of the population that

is gay has not grown, but our awareness has.

Whether we realize it or not, everyone knows people who are gay.

They may be our friends or colleagues, our employers or employees, our siblings, our

neighbors, our patients, clients, customers or stockholders, our fellow parishioners, our

teachers or our students, our political representatives, our aunts, uncles or cousins, our

children or our grandchildren.

Until recent years, if you were growing up as a gay person, you probably would have been

convinced that you were the only gay person in your particular world. Discussing your

identity with a single other person would have been exceedingly difficult, and public

disclosure unthinkable.

If we are heterosexual, we can try to imagine what it would be like to grow up not knowing a

single other straight person. This terrible isolation and the constant, critical need to

dissimulate, avoid and evade were the hallmarks of existence for gay people for most of

recorded history.

Today, the interplay of new scientific information about sexual orientation, increased political

advocacy, the speed and universal access to information through the Internet, personal

courage and the deeply human desire to connect has allowed gay people to reach out to others

and to feel less alone.

Increasingly, gay people have the support of each other and the love and support of their

families and friends.

The media, the military, corporations, churches, schools, legislatures and families have begun

talking about what it means to be gay.

However, in a twist on Lord Alfred Douglas’s famous description of homosexuality as “the

Love that dare not speak its name,” some people complain that homosexuality has become

“the love that won’t shut up.”2

Some people believe: “We never had to deal with this subject before and everything was

fine.” But everything wasn’t fine. Lives were diminished or cut short by prejudice and self-

hatred, and families were silently destroyed. Careers were ended. Basic human rights were

denied. Alienation and estrangement abounded.

All of this continues today, but it is being openly discussed throughout the world.

Gay people are now, always have been, and always will be an integral part of our

communities. The age of silence and invisibility is inexorably and undeniably passing away

in our lifetime, before our very eyes. How will this affect our lives and the lives of those in

our communities?

This resource book is designed primarily as a starting point to encourage thought and

dialogue. It is certainly not meant to be definitive. It is meant as a step toward breaking the

silence in families.

In learning more about the subject, a largely untapped resource for communities consists of

gay people themselves. We hope that religious and cultural institutions will create an

environment (such as the one in our own congregation) in which it is safe for gay people and

those who love them to tell their stories. It is very important to put a human face on this

issue. It is difficult to understand any great religious, civil or social struggle without a human

face.

We have found that when families can deal openly with this issue, they become stronger and

closer than ever before.

Our gay loved ones are very important to us, not only for who they are, but also for what they

have taught us. We honor those who have survived and we remember and honor those who

have not. We are inspired by their courage and never take it for granted.

History and Dedication

This manual is a gift to the congregation of The Presbyterian Church, Mt. Kisco, New York,

in recognition of the love and support that our church members have given to individuals and

families whose lives have been touched by the issue of homosexuality.

Most of us grew up with very limited factual information about sexual orientation. It was not

a topic which was discussed in public forums or within the family. Some of us within the

congregation who now realize that we have gay or lesbian loved ones struggled a great deal as

a result of this lack of information and because of the myths and sensationalism associated

with homosexual orientation. As a result of our concerns, we met together for mutual study

and support.

When we learned that this issue had affected our lives, we had many fears and questions.

Scientific fact sheets, though excellent resources, did not address our concerns about our faith.

Theological discussions often ignored scientific understanding. At risk were our family

relationships and our relationship with the church. Some of us were accepting and supportive

of our loved ones. Others experienced pain and alienation when we related to family with

fear, silence and denial. We struggled a great deal. We were well meaning, but ignorant of

basic facts.

We began our study. While we looked at prejudices against gay people, we soon learned

more about the nature of all prejudice and its subtle and overt power. We learned more about

ourselves and those we love the most. Our faith deepened. Instead of feeling defensive and

diminished, we felt the world opening up to us. We hope this resource guide will help others

in our congregation whose welcome and support has meant so much to us.

Frequently Asked Questions

This resource is designed to address the most frequently asked questions about homosexual

orientation.

Experience has taught us that not everyone is interested in the same aspects of this issue, so a

“Question and Response” format is used. Most of us were concerned initially with the

survival of our families. Some wanted to know more about the scientific perspective or social

issues; others wanted to know exactly what the Bible said. Some of us did not quite

understand why a gay person would “come out” or what sexual orientation is.

The Question and Response format allows readers to refer quickly and directly to those

questions that most interest them The subject matter is divided into sections including

scientific, social, family life and theological perspectives.

These questions cover areas that we wish we had understood before our loved ones disclosed

their identity. Like any organized society, families with information, openness and love can

heal and be transformed. We hope that our experience and search will be useful to others and

will open dialogue, reduce fear and estrangement among families and help in the healing of

broken relationships.

The common perception that gay people are marginal, identifiable and rare is untrue. Our

loved ones lead productive and happy lives. They work, live, love, pay taxes, have

friendships, interests, contribute to the world and are honored by their families. Their lives

are just as special and just as ordinary as ours.

Many of us grew up with the idea that homosexuals are a visible enemy from whom we must

protect ourselves and our families. The reality is that most gay people are invisible because

the world is unsafe for them and they are among the people we most love and respect.

The Presbyterian Church

Mt. Kisco, New York

A Note on Authorship

This resource is primarily the work of members of The Presbyterian Church of Mt. Kisco,

New York. Some passages, however, are based, to varying degrees, on other resources

on the subject. These resources are listed in the endnotes. An endnote beginning with the

phrase “Adapted from . . . ” indicates that we may have borrowed the structure and/or

some of the wording from the original source. We have limited the language borrowed

directly from other sources, however, in order to protect the copyrights of the original authors

and publishers. Readers with concerns regarding citation or copyright issues are asked to

NY, 10549.

For more information on the issues discussed in this booklet, we strongly recommend

referring to the cited sources. Works by the following authors – who are cited in the endnotes

– were particularly useful in the development of The Blue Book: the American Psychological

Association; Bruce Bawer; Howard Bess; Keith Boykin; Ann Thompson Cook; Annette

Friskopp and Sharon Silverstein; Peter Gomes; Jim Hill and Rand Cheadle; Kevin Jennings;

Arthur Lipkin; Eric Marcus; Richard D. Mohr; William Pollack; B. A. Robinson; C. Ann

Shepherd; Erin Swenson; Andrew Tobias; Jessica Xavier, Courtney Sharp and Mary Boenke;

and Kenji Yoshino.

A Note on Terminology

The word “gay” is often used in this manual to refer to gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, even

though many lesbians and most bisexuals do not use the word to describe themselves. We use

the word “gay” only for the sake of consistency and simplicity; we do not mean to exclude or

offend.

Frequently Asked Questions

Scientific Perspectives

What is sexual orientation? Page 9

What causes homosexuality? Page 10

What type of person has a homosexual orientation? Page 11

4. Is sexual orientation a choice? Page 11

5. Is homosexuality a mental illness or emotional problem? Page 12

Can homosexuality be cured? Page 13

What attempts have been used in the past to change orientation? Page 14

8. How many gay people are there? Page 15

9. Does the number of gay people matter? Page 16

10. Are humans the only animals that engage in same-sex behavior? Page 17

11. Why are there different sexual orientations? Page 18

12. What does ‘transgender’ mean? Page 19

13. Are transgender people gay? Page 21

Social Perspectives

14. What is the ‘gay lifestyle’? Page 22

15. Are gay and lesbian people more likely than heterosexuals to molest children? Pg 22

16. What is the ‘closet’? What is meant by ‘coming out’? Page 23

17. Since heterosexuals don’t discuss their sexuality, why do gay people need to discuss

theirs? Page 24

18. Why do some gay people come out? Page 25

19. Why do some gay people prefer not to come out? Page 27

20. Where do gay people most likely work? Page 27

21. Do gay people usually come out at work? How might my business and

professional relationships be affected if I assume employees and co-workers are

heterosexual? Page 28

22. When the subject of homosexuality comes up, we usually focus on our feelings about gay

people. What are gay people feeling? Why are some gay people angry or depressed?

Page 29

23. Why is homophobia sometimes called ‘the last socially acceptable prejudice’? Pg 31

24. Why are the words ‘faggot ’and ‘dyke’ offensive and what do they mean? Page 32

25. What is the relationship between antigay rhetoric and attitudes and antigay violence?

Page 33

26. If it were understood that one’s sexual orientation is not a choice, would that

significantly reduce prejudice against gay people? Page 35

27. Why should Americans grant civil rights protections on the basis of behavior? Pg 36

28. What are ‘special rights’? Page 37

29. What was the landmark 2003 Supreme Course case, Lawrence v. Texas?

Why was it important? Page 38

30. How did the Supreme Court rule in the Lawrence case? Page 39

31. What is the legal status of civil marriage for gay couples in America? Page 40

32. What other rights do gay Americans lack? Page 43

33. What is meant by heterosexuals ‘coming out’? What can I do? Page 47

Family Life Perspectives:

34. What is life like for gay youth? Page 49

35. Do gay teenagers always deal directly with their orientation? Page 51

36. Do families know if their children are gay? Page 52

37. What happens to families initially when loved ones come out? Page 53

38. What happens when well-meaning parents initially reject their children? Page 53

39. Can these initial wounds be healed? Page 55

40. What does it mean when a married person announces that he or she is gay?

Isn’t that a type of change in orientation? Page 56

41. What does sexual orientation have to do with Christian education and Christian family

life? What about family values? Page 57

42. What are the public perceptions of gay and straight people which gay individuals and

their families find offensive and/or ironic? Page 58

43. How can we interact with transgender people and their families in a sensitive way?

Page 60

Theological Perspectives:

44. Are religious people antigay? Page 62

45. How does new information about sexual orientation affect church policy? Page 63

46. How do gay people and their families usually feel about the church? Page 64

47. In what ways have societies used different interpretations of the Bible to ‘prove’ a point?

Page 65

48. What did Jesus say about homosexuality? Page 66

49. Does the Bible condemn homosexuality? Page 67

50. If Jesus never mentioned it, what does the rest of the Bible say about homosexuality?

Page 68

51. What do we know of references to same-sex activity in the Bible? Page 69

52. Were Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed because of homosexuality? Page 70

53. What is the Holiness Code? Page 71

54. What are the teachings of Paul regarding homosexuality? Page 72

55. When reading the Bible, how does one use historical perspective? (More thoughts to

ponder: the Holiness Code and the teachings of Jesus) Page 73

56. How might families feel when their full acceptance of gay loved ones conflicts with an

exclusionary church policy? Page 75

Welcoming and Affirming Religious Groups: Page 77

Affirming Resources Within the Secular World: Page 78

Endnotes: Page 78

Responses to Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is sexual orientation?



an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction to individuals of a

particular gender

orientation may or may not be expressed in behavior

refers to an individual’s feelings and self-concept

Sexual orientation basically refers to the part within each of us which determines whom we

are drawn to and with whom we fall in love.

The American Psychological Association defines sexual orientation as “an enduring

emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction to individuals of a particular

gender.”3 It “differ[s] from sexual behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept.” 4

People do not necessarily express their sexual orientation in their behavior.5

Most people are heterosexual, which means that they feel attraction to individuals of the

opposite gender. Some people are homosexual (that is, gay), which means that they feel

attraction to individuals of the same gender. Bisexual people feel attraction to members of

either gender.

Heterosexual people normally come to recognize their sexual orientation long before they are

involved in any kind of heterosexual relationship. As they mature, they understand that they

enjoy the company of, develop crushes on and are drawn to others of the opposite gender.

We know that heterosexuals are not attracted to every single person of the opposite sex, but

only to particular people. We also know that being heterosexual is not something one does in

the privacy of one’s own home. It is something one is all day, every day.

These same concepts are true for homosexual orientation. Gay people realize they are gay as

they mature, they are only attracted to particular people, and they are gay whether or not they

are in a relationship. As with heterosexuals, attractions are not just sexual, but emotional,

affectional and romantic.

2. What causes homosexuality?



studies suggest a biological component

orientation is established early in the life cycle

orientation is discovered rather than chosen

homosexual orientation is not a developmental flaw

homosexual orientation is not caused by parents or family

in males, homosexuality is associated with being later born

gay people are entitled to respect and inclusion regardless of why they are gay

Though scientists do not yet fully understand how one’s sexual orientation develops, a large

body of research suggests that sexual orientation is in place “very early in the life cycle,

possibly even before birth.”6 Studies suggest that sexual orientation has a biological and

genetic component, and may also be influenced by prenatal factors, such as endocrinological

levels in the womb.7 The extensive research on the roots of sexual orientation includes

studies of brain anatomy, animal studies, finger print studies, hormonal (androgen) studies,

cochlea studies, DNA studies, and studies of twins, siblings, and extended family.8

Like heterosexuals, gays and lesbians do not choose their orientation, but rather discover it in

the process of maturing.

Acceptance of gay people and information about homosexuality do not cause heterosexuals to

become gay. Oppression of and discrimination against gay people do not cause them to

become heterosexuals.

Previously held theories that homosexuality is a developmental flaw or is caused by poor

parenting have been discarded by the scientific community. (The most famous of these

theories was the belief that homosexuality was caused by a dominant mother and a weak or

absent father.) The psychoanalytic community was the group which originally formulated

these theories. The American Psychoanalytic Association has now extended a public apology

for the pain caused to gay people by its previously held views and has banned discrimination

against gay people within its own organization.9

While homosexuality can occur in any family, there is an intriguing association with birth

order. Research has suggested that homosexuality among males is associated with being later

born.

According to this research, each previously born brother raises the possibility of a man’s

being gay. (Previously born brothers are not necessarily older brothers, because studies have

also counted brothers who died before study participants were born.) Having elder sisters

does not correlate to an increased probability of homosexuality, nor does having younger

brothers. The crucial factor seems to be the number of completed male pregnancies of the

mother. One researcher explained that the “results support a prenatal origin to sexual

orientation.”10

Investigation of the effects of neurobiology, endocrinology and genetics on the development

of sexual orientation is ongoing.

While a deeper understanding of the biological roots of sexual orientation may encourage

social acceptance of gay and lesbian people, many human rights advocates have noted that

arguments focusing too heavily on the cause of homosexuality obscure a more important

point; namely, that gay and lesbian people are entitled to inclusion and respect regardless of

why they are gay.11

3. What type of person has a homosexual orientation?



all types of people

Any and every type of person can be gay. As the American Psychological Association notes,

gay people “are of all ages, cultural backgrounds, races, religions, and nationalities.”12 They

grow up in all types of homes with all types of families. They come from all socioeconomic

backgrounds and work in every type of occupation. According to the 2000 United States

Census, gay and lesbian couples live in 99.3% of all counties in the nation.13

By citing unbalanced marketing surveys rather than controlled scientific studies, antigay

groups sometimes claim that gays and lesbians are disproportionately wealthy. These claims

are inaccurate. Gay people do not earn more income than heterosexuals, and some studies

suggest they earn less.14

Gay people have existed throughout history. Numerous scholarly works discussing

homosexuality during various historical periods – from Ancient Greece to the Middle Ages to

the modern gay rights movement – are available from the New York Public Library,

www.nypl.org.

4. Is sexual orientation a choice?



it is not the result of a decision or ongoing daily effort

No. Professional mental health organizations, including the American Psychological

Association, have issued statements explaining that sexual orientation is not a choice and

cannot be changed.15 (See also Question #6.) Most people discover (rather than choose) their

sexual orientation before or during early adolescence, and before any sexual experience.

Many people who realize they are gay attempt unsuccessfully to suppress or change their

sexual orientation.16

Most heterosexuals recognize that their own sexual orientation is not the result of a decision

or an ongoing daily effort. The same is true for gay people.

Heterosexuals recognize that that their own sexual orientation is a core part of who they are.

They know that they are heterosexual even if they are not involved in a relationship. They are

heterosexual if they are virgins, if they choose to be celibate, if they are incapacitated, if their

spouse is incapacitated, or if they lose their partners. Their heterosexual orientation does not

go away. Heterosexual orientation is not defined by what you do; it makes up a part of who

you are. This same concept is true for homosexual orientation.

5. Is homosexuality a mental illness or emotional problem?



the label of “mental disorder” was removed by the American Psychiatric

Association in 1973

the American Psychological Association and the World Health Organization agree

that homosexuality is not a disorder

rejection by family and society can be stressful

No. Prominent medical and mental health associations have long rejected the idea that

homosexuality is an illness, disorder or mental problem.

The American Psychological Association states: “Over 35 years of objective, well-designed

scientific research has shown that homosexuality, in and of itself, is not associated with

mental disorders or emotional or social problems.”17 The Association explains that

homosexuality “is simply the way a minority of our population expresses human love and

sexuality.”18

The American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its official list of

mental disorders in 1973. The Association states that “homosexuality per se implies no

impairment in judgement, stability, reliability, or general social or vocational capabilities.”19

Both the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association

call on “all mental health professionals to help dispel the stigma of mental illness that some

people still associate with homosexual orientation.”20 The World Health Organization has

also removed homosexuality from its list of disorders.

According to the American Psychological Association, medical professionals previously

considered homosexuality to be a disorder because early research on homosexuality focused

primarily on gay people who were in therapy, as well as gay people who were incarcerated.

When experts began to analyze information about gays and lesbians more generally –

including information about gay people who were not undergoing treatment for mental health

problems and who were not incarcerated – they found no basis for the previously held view

that homosexuality was an illness or disorder.21

There is no difference between the mental health of heterosexuals and the mental health of

homosexuals based on sexual orientation itself. As numerous mental health organizations

have explained, however, the isolation, discrimination and social stigma faced by many

gay people can cause substantial emotional stress. 22 Rejection by one’s family, friends

and faith community can be devastating.23

The American Psychological Association, The American Psychiatric Association, and The

National Association of Social Workers have explained that “[a]lthough homosexuality is

not a mental disorder, . . . societal prejudice against gay men and lesbians can cause them real

and substantial psychological harm. . . . [R]ejection, discrimination, and violence [are]

associated with heightened psychological distress . . . . These problems are exacerbated by

the fact that, because of anti-gay stigma, gay men and lesbians have less access to social

support and other resources that assist heterosexuals in coping with stress.” 24

The American Academy of Pediatrics states that psychological and social problems among

gay youth result primarily from “societal stigma, hostility, hatred and isolation.”25 The

American Medical Association similarly has concluded that “[m]ost of the emotional

disturbance experienced by gay men and lesbians around their sexual identity is not based on

physiological causes but rather is due more to a sense of alienation in an unaccepting

environment.”26

6. Can homosexuality be cured?



there is no disorder; therefore it cannot be “cured”

professional, scientific and medical organizations condemn “reparative” or

“conversion” therapy as ineffective and psychologically harmful

Since homosexuality is not a disease or disorder, it cannot be “cured.”

Therapy aimed at changing sexual orientation is referred to as reparative, conversion or

aversion therapy.

The American Psychiatric Association states that “[t]here is no published scientific evidence

supporting the efficacy of reparative therapy . . . to change sexual orientation,” and that there

is “no evidence that any treatment can change a homosexual person’s deep seated feelings for

others of the same sex.”27

Those who seek conversion therapy, the Association explains, may do so because they have

internalized antigay social biases. 28 Gay people “who have accepted their sexual orientation

positively are better adjusted than those who have not done so.”29

A position statement unanimously approved by the Association’s Board of Trustees further

warns that so-called “reparative therapy” may cause “depression, anxiety and self-destructive

behavior, since therapist alignment with societal prejudices against homosexuality may

reinforce self-hatred already experienced by the patient.”30

The American Psychological Association concurs that there is no scientific evidence to

support the effectiveness of any therapies that attempt to convert homosexuals to

heterosexuals. The Association has issued various statements condemning “conversion” and

“reparative” therapy:

“Groups who try to change the orientation of people through so-called ‘conversion therapy’

are misguided and run the risk of causing a great deal of psychological harm to those they say

they are trying to help.”31

“The incidence of homosexuality in a population does not appear to change with new moral

codes or social mores. Research findings suggest that efforts [to change] homosexuals are

nothing more than social prejudice garbed in psychological accoutrements.”32

“[Homosexuality] does not require treatment and is not changeable.”33

The American Academy of Pediatrics similarly condemns therapy aimed at changing sexual

orientation, noting that such treatment “can provoke guilt and anxiety while having little or no

potential for achieving changes in orientation.”34

The American Medical Association states: “[A]version therapy . . . is no longer

recommended for gay men and lesbians. Through psychotherapy, gay men and lesbians can

become comfortable with their sexual orientation and understand the societal response to it.”35

The American Counseling Association, the American School Health Association, the

National Association of School Psychologists, and the National Association of Social

Workers have also condemned therapy aimed at changing sexual orientation.36

7. What attempts have been made in the past to change gay people into

heterosexuals?



historically, a wide variety of attempts have been made to change sexual orientation

“conversion” therapy is condemned by scientists as ineffective and potentially

harmful

individuals may become hopeless and despondent when attempts to change their

orientation fail

Besides confining gay people to mental wards and prisons, many “therapeutic” attempts have

been made to change gay people into heterosexuals. These attempts include electroshock,

hormone therapy, surgery, cauterizations, acupuncture, rest, marriage, psychotherapy,

hypnotherapy, behavior therapy, encounters with prostitutes, bicycling, psychoanalysis,

primal screaming, lobotomy, and “chemically induced convulsive therapy.”37

Currently, “conversion” therapies are offered by fundamentalist Christian groups who claim

to change people by means of prayer. The most famous of these groups is Exodus

International. This group was co-founded by two gay men who later fell in love with each

other, became a couple and repudiated the organization’s approach.38 In June 2007, three

former leaders of the organization apologized for the “isolation, shame, fear and loss of faith”

that the ministry’s message has caused.39

In April 2001, Jeremy Marks, the founder of Courage, a group in England previously

dedicated to changing gay people into heterosexuals through prayer, renounced the mission,

stating that after fourteen years he had not been able to change a single person. “None we’ve

counseled have changed no matter how much effort and prayer they put in.”40

“Reparative therapy,” Marks says, “sets [gay] people up for failure from the outset because it

teaches them to see themselves as deviant and as a menace to society. It sets up a huge

amount of self-hatred.”41

When individuals in “conversion” therapy sense no change in orientation, they may feel that

God has abandoned them. They may blame themselves; they believe they simply can’t pray

“hard enough” or that God has turned against them. This may create a potentially dangerous

circumstance in which the individual feels worthless and hopeless.

The moving book Prayers for Bobby is a mother’s true account of her struggle and that of her

son Bobby when the family learned that Bobby was gay. Mary Griffith and the family were

Presbyterian and deeply religious. Mary encouraged Bobby to ask God to change him into a

heterosexual. Bobby prayed and tried very hard, wanting to change and feeling intensely the

pain his family was experiencing about his being gay. Sensing no change in his orientation,

he came to hate himself.42

The young man wrote in his diary about his feelings of worthlessness: “I’ve heard [my family

members] lots of times talking about gay people. They’ve said they hate gays, and even God

hates gays, too. Gays are bad, and God sends bad people to hell. It really scares me when

they talk that way because now they are talking about me.” 43

Bobby wrote this passage when he was sixteen. He continued his struggle for four more

years, becoming increasingly desperate. A few days after he turned twenty, Bobby threw

himself from a highway overpass into the path of an oncoming truck and was killed instantly.

As discussed in Question 6, the scientific community condemns attempts to change

orientation as ineffective and potentially harmful.

8. How many gay people are there?



oppression and discrimination make exact numbers difficult to determine

a significant minority of the population is gay

It is difficult to determine what percentage of the population is homosexual, primarily because

so many gay people fear identifying themselves publicly. Some studies suggest that the

number is about ten percent. Organizations opposed to gay rights often claim that the number

is much lower.44

An often-cited study by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago

states that “the best way to discuss homosexuality is to report several numbers.”45 The authors

present three ways to define homosexuality: by desire, by behavior, and by self-identification.

When all three of these measures are considered in determining homosexuality, 10.1% of men

and 8.6% of women are found to be gay or lesbian. The survey participants were guaranteed

anonymity.46

The Battelle Institute study, often cited by those who wish to diminish civil rights protections

for gays and lesbians, states that only 1% of surveyed males in their 20s and 30s are

exclusively homosexual in behavior. The authors did not study desire or self-identification.

Most importantly, this study did not provide for anonymity. The participants were required to

name their place of employment, give references, and provide their social security number.

(!!) It is unlikely that many gay individuals would feel safe enough to participate in such a

study. The study also fails to address the fact that most gay people, especially in their youth,

date the opposite sex, in an effort to convince others (and perhaps themselves) that they are

heterosexual.47

Political polling also provides clues regarding the percentage of the population that is gay – or

at least regarding the percentage of the population that is willing to self-identify as gay when

approached by pollsters and news organizations. The Voter News Service and CNN have

found that between four and five percent of voters in the last three presidential elections self-

identified as gay, lesbian or bisexual.48

9. Does the number of gay individuals matter?



most of us know gay people whether we realize they are gay or not

in America, equality does not depend on the numbers of citizens in a group

Gay people are largely an invisible minority. The debate over how many people are gay will

likely continue until the stigma attached to homosexuality disappears and gay people feel safe

at work, at school and on the street. It is safe to conclude, however, that virtually all of us

regularly interact with gay and lesbian people, whether we realize it or not.49

It is important to remember that the right to be treated fairly does not depend (at least in

America) on a head count.50 Those who insist that the size of a minority group determines the

amount of protection they may receive under the law do not fully understand the principles on

which our country was founded.

10. Are humans the only animals that engage in homosexual behavior?



homosexuality has been scientifically documented in more than 450 species of

animals

Scientists have documented homosexual behavior in over 450 species, including dolphins,

whales, deer, buffalo, sheep, giraffes, antelopes, geese, ducks, sandpipers, chimpanzees,

zebras, elephants, koalas, swallows, warblers, lions, penguins, and monarch butterflies.51 Yet,

as author Eric Marcus humorously points out, no one has suggested that homosexuality

among animals results from “a passive father and a domineering mother.”52

Dr. Bruce Bagemihl, a biologist and researcher, provides a comprehensive analysis of

scientific evidence of animal homosexuality in his widely acclaimed book, Biological

Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity.53 The “full range of homosexual

activity in the animal world,” Bagemihl explains, includes same-sex “courtship, affection,

sex, pair-bonding, and parenting.”54 Lifelong homosexual bonding has even been observed in

species that do not demonstrate lifelong heterosexual bonding.55 The Kirkus Review

describes Dr. Bagemihl’s work as “[a] scholarly, exhaustive, and utterly convincing refutation

of the notion that human homosexuality is an aberration in nature.”56

Dr. Bagemihl also reports that, historically, there has been widespread discomfort among

scientists with respect to their observations of animal homosexuality. He quotes

primatologist Linda Wolfe: “[Several primatologists] who have told me that they have

observed male and female homosexuality . . . [have been] reluctant to publish their data . . .

either because they feared homophobic reactions (‘my colleagues might think that I am gay’)

or because they lacked a framework for analysis (‘I don’t know what it means’).”57

Primatologist Paul L. Vasey notes that even though homosexuality among primates was first

documented over 75 years ago, “virtually every major introductory text in primatology fails to

even mention its existence.”58

Because scientific literature has so rarely included accurate and objective information on

animal homosexuality, Bagemihl explains, “many zoologists are themselves unaware of the

full extent of the phenomenon.”59

Sometimes those opposed to equal rights for gay people insist, inaccurately, that humans are

the only animals that engage in same-sex behavior. (Although exactly what the existence or

non-existence of “lesbian seagulls” would have to do with insuring equal rights for mankind

is unclear.)60

11. Why are there different sexual orientations?



difference is a defining characteristic of creation

to assume that difference is a negative rather than a positive is limiting

our understanding of difference will have great legal and religious implications in

the future as society develops the capacity to change and control genetic make-up.

Why there are different sexual orientations is not fully understood.

Difference is a defining characteristic of creation, part of the basic design of life.

Every single person who has ever lived is unique in his or her DNA makeup. We are unique

within our very cells, in who we are and in what we can contribute.

Sexual orientation is just one area where differences occur. Most people are straight and

some people are gay.

Various evolutionary theories have been proposed to explain homosexuality, including

theories based on “kin selection” and alliance formation. As Nicholas D. Kristof of the New

York Times explains, some scientists believe that many different genes are “loosely linked to

homosexuality.”61 When these genes come together in one person, “perhaps in conjunction

with other factors, like unusual androgen levels in the womb,” they may cause the person to

be gay.62 Ordinarily, however, “only one or two of these gene variants are present,” in which

case they produce not gays but heterosexuals “who are relatively sensitive, conciliatory and

empathetic – qualities that help them find a mate.”63 Thus, heterosexual people carrying

genes associated with homosexuality would be likely to reproduce.64

It is very important to counter the negativity and extreme rhetoric that is characteristic of

today’s political climate – a climate in which gay people are publicly referred to as

“unnatural,” “biological errors” and “genetic defectives.”

Some of the most gifted people in the world were known to be gay. For example, in recent

times and to name only a few: James Baldwin, Hans Christian Anderson, Cole Porter, E.M.

Forster, Aaron Copland, Henry James, Gertrude Stein, Bessie Smith, Somerset Maugham,

Marcel Proust, Peter Tchaikovsky, Langston Hughes and Walt Whitman all enriched the

world with their voices.65

This is not to say that all gay people are creative or fit a certain mold, or that one must be

gifted to be valuable. But to assume that difference is a negative rather than a positive is

limiting.

Our understanding and appreciation of difference has great ethical, legal, social and religious

implications. It will become even more important in the future, when we live in a world of

“genetic surgery” and may be able to tell, during pregnancy, which babies will have traits that

will make them different from the majority.

We do not always know why differences exist, but we know that they are an essential and

vital part of humanity and of creation.

12. What does “transgender” mean?*



gender identity is an internal sense of being male or female

gender expression describes how a person communicates gender through personal

appearance, mannerisms, etc.

transgender persons are those whose gender identity and/or expression differs from

conventional expectations for their physical sex

many scientists believe that gender identity is rooted in complex, biological factors

see also Question #12 and Question #43

Sexual orientation varies among transgender people just as it varies among the population as a

whole.86

Many transgender people, including transsexuals and gender variant individuals, are

heterosexual.87 Transgender people may also be gay, lesbian, bisexual or asexual.88

Many people assume that transgender people are gay. Because transgender persons are so

often ostracized by the straight community, they sometimes (but not always) find more

acceptance with gay people. That does not mean that they are gay.89

People will also sometimes assume that a transgender person is gay because of that person’s

appearance, which may be that of a “feminine” man or a “masculine” woman. 90

It is important to understand that gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation. These

are different concepts.

Gender identity is a person’s internal sense of being male or female. Sexual orientation refers

to “an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction to individuals of a

particular gender.”91

The difference is between “who I am” (gender identity) and “whom I am attracted to” (sexual

orientation).92

Many transgender people also initially confuse their feelings regarding their gender with their

feelings regarding their sexual orientation. It can take a long time for some transgender

people to recognize and acknowledge their gender identity.93

See Footnote: Question #12: What does “transgender” mean?

14. What is the “gay lifestyle”?



gay people are a diverse group

the lives of gay people are as varied as the lives of heterosexuals

condemnation of a “lifestyle” sounds better than condemnation of loving,

committed relationships or condemnation of equal opportunity

As author C. Ann Shepherd writes, “[j]ust as there is no such thing as a single heterosexual

lifestyle, there is no such thing as a single gay lifestyle.”94

The rich diversity of interests, occupations, affiliations, activities, and family relationships

that exists among heterosexuals exists as well among gays and lesbians. Some gay people

choose to marry or form other kinds of long-term committed relationships, while others

remain single. Some have children, some do not.95

Some antigay activists use the terms gay lifestyle or homosexual lifestyle to suggest that all

gay people are similar and that the lives of gays and lesbians are fundamentally different from

those of heterosexuals. The term gay lifestyle is also often used to suggest that gay people’s

lives are defined primarily by sex and sexuality, or to suggest that gay people are

promiscuous. Gay people are just as offended by these offensive stereotypes as heterosexuals

would be. Promiscuity is not the result of any particular sexual orientation, but is rather a

reflection of individual desires, beliefs, values, and personal standards.96

The term gay lifestyle is a common phrase and many people who use the phrase certainly do

not mean it in a manipulative, disrespectful or hurtful way.

However, some antigay organizations do use the term consciously to make discrimination

seem socially acceptable. They hold the view that gay people are human beings unworthy of

experiencing the love of a partner and believe that “the pursuit of happiness” should be

limited to heterosexual people only. Some (not all!) are unwilling to state these positions so

bluntly. In this case, disapproving of a lifestyle certainly sounds better than disapproving of

love or equal opportunity.97

15. Are gay and lesbian people more likely to molest children than

heterosexuals are?



historically, other minorities have also been slandered as sexual predators

Absolutely not.

The notion that gay men are more likely than heterosexual men to sexually molest children is,

in the words of the American Psychological Association, a “myth.” The Association explains

that “[t]here is no evidence” to support the “mistaken belief that gay men have more of a

tendency than heterosexual men to sexually molest children.”98

Studies of child abuse and molestation consistently refute the notion that gays and lesbians

pose a risk to children. The Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality, for example,

published a study in 2000 concluding that “a gay man is no more likely than a straight man to

perpetrate sexual activity with children,” and that “cases of perpetration of sexual behavior

with a pre-pubescent child by an adult lesbian are virtually nonexistent.”99 A study published

in the journal Pediatrics found that a child’s risk of being molested by the heterosexual

partner of a family member “is over 100 times greater” than the risk of being molested “by

someone who might be identifiable as being homosexual, lesbian, or bisexual.”100 In a study

published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, none of the 175 convicted male child molesters

examined were found to be homosexual.101

Historically, portraying minorities as predatory has been used as a technique to demonize

those who are different and to characterize them as immoral and dangerous. Jews were once

accused of using Christian children in secret religious rituals. Racists portrayed black people

as lacking in sexual self-control and black men as sexual predators who were a threat to white

women. This was an often-cited argument in favor of segregation.

The belief that gay people molest children is one of the ugliest myths about homosexuality.

16. What is the “closet”? What is meant by “coming out”?



the closet is a metaphor used to describe how some gay people keep the truth about

their sexual orientation hidden or shut away from the world

the closet is oppressive and confining, yet it seems safe

the main reason for staying in the closet is survival

friends and loved ones of gay people are also in a type of closet

The closet is a metaphor used to describe how some gay people keep the truth about their

sexual orientation hidden or shut away from the world.102 “To be in the closet” is to hide or

deny one’s sexual orientation. A person may be closeted completely, or may “come out” to

some people and remain “in the closet” with others.

People may deny their orientation even to themselves. The process of recognizing and

accepting one’s own homosexuality or bisexuality is sometimes referred to as “coming out to

oneself.” However, coming out of the closet almost always refers to making one’s sexual

orientation known to others.

Andrew Tobias, author, financier, journalist, and current Treasurer of the Democratic

National Committee, grew up in Bedford and came out when he was 23. He describes his

experience:

“[Coming out] had only taken me a dozen years from the time I realized – instinctively, at age

10 or so – that that word my father and his friend were using with such distaste as they walked

through the TV room applied to me. . . . I wasn’t stupid, so I never told anyone about this.

But it was the very essence of who I was. There wasn’t a moment growing up that I wasn’t

consciously compensating for it. It was as if I had been a secret agent in a foreign country.

Everything I said, every glance . . . it all had to pass through the censor.”103

Living in the closet seems safe, but it can also be tiresome, frightening, confining and

infuriating.104

When a gay person who lives in the closet confides his or her identity to a single other person,

that person enters a type of closet as well. Even in the face of antigay remarks, friends and

family members may remain silent. (Otherwise, people might wonder: “What’s it to you?

Why do you care so much?”) Often, they do not feel free to fully express themselves.

There is a saying: “When children come out of the closet, the parents go in.” When a child

or loved one is out very selectively, friends and relatives may be fearful of unintentionally

outing the person completely. They also may fear that they themselves will be subject to

antigay criticism, discrimination and harassment. They often remain silent.

What does the parent of a gay person look like? What does the brother, sister, or grandparent

of a gay person look like? It is impossible to say. What is important is to remember that not

only are most gay people invisible, but so are their loved ones.

Gay people often come out first, not to their families, but to another gay person. Unlike other

minorities, most gay people, as they grow up, do not have others to talk to about their feelings

and their inner life. Talking to someone else who can relate to them about their identity can

be an important first step. It is a safe environment. It is helpful to know that one is not totally

alone.

17. Since heterosexuals don’t discuss their sexuality, why do gay people need

to discuss theirs?



expression of heterosexuality is an integral and basic part of our everyday lives

our words and actions over time let everyone know we are heterosexual

what is seen as “flaunting” by gay people is “everyday” behavior for straight people

it is difficult to go through life monitoring every thing you do or say

Author Bruce Bawer: “In a twist on the famous line in which Lord Alfred Douglas described

homosexuality as ‘the Love that dare not speak its name,’ some have complained in recent

years that homosexuality has turned into ‘the love that won’t shut up.’”105

As Bawer and many others have noted, however, “‘the public expression of heterosexuality is

such an integral and basic part of our everyday lives that it goes unrecognized.’”106

Heterosexuals express their sexual orientation when they mention (or introduce) their

boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife to another person; when they place a family picture on

their desk at work; when they give their significant other a kiss goodbye at the airport; when

they talk about a celebrity whom they find attractive; when they tell others they are

celebrating a wedding anniversary; and when they hold hands on the street.107 As Eric

Marcus writes, “[t]hey have no need to let people know in a specific way what their sexual

orientation is, because their actions and words over time let everyone know they’re

heterosexual.”108

Gay people who do precisely the same things, however, are often accused of “flaunting their

sexuality” or of “throwing their private lives in other people’s faces.” They are viewed as

“radical” or “militant homosexuals” attempting to make a political statement. They may be

scorned, harassed or attacked.109

As C. Ann Shepherd observes, “most gay people are not out to make a statement. They

simply want to be able to incorporate the many aspects of their lives the way heterosexuals

are permitted to do.”110

Keeping one’s sexual orientation secret can be difficult and exhausting. When closeted

individuals are asked innocent questions about their family, home, social life or weekend

plans, they often cannot give spontaneous or straightforward answers. They must be on

constant guard, monitoring every word they say.111

The American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, and the

National Association of Social Workers have explained that attempts to avoid “social

stigma” by concealing one’s sexual orientation “can be seriously damaging to the

psychological well-being of gay people. . . . Being able to disclose one’s sexual orientation to

others . . . increases the availability of social support, which is crucial to mental health.”112

18. Why do some gay people come out?



people want to be honest and comfortable with those they love and trust

coming out is a recent phenomenon

coming out is intensely personal and unique to the individual

the average age of coming out has dropped dramatically

an individual must first come out to themselves; this may take many years

some people come out selectively, quietly, to only a few people important to them

coming out is an ongoing process, for the individual and for their loved ones

People normally come out because they do not want to hide who they are or whom they love.

They want to be honest with other people, particularly those they care about and trust.

Coming out is a relatively recent phenomenon. Before the modern gay rights movement,

acknowledging one’s homosexuality in public was dangerous and extremely uncommon.

Coming out is a very individual experience. Every coming out is unique.

Hiding one’s identity over a lifetime can be exhausting and frightening. It can be personally

destructive to have to pretend each day that you are someone else. It is difficult to be close to

people if they don’t know who you are. The need to evade and avoid important issues takes a

heavy toll; always watching what you say is draining.

Some people come out when they can no longer bear the isolation and fear connected with

living in the closet; some people just slowly develop a need to be themselves, no matter what;

some people decide to come out when they fall in love; some choose to confide in a few

trusted people because they need someone to know who they are and how they feel.

The average age at which gay people come out has dropped dramatically over the last decade.

Today, it is not uncommon for teenagers to recognize their homosexuality.113 Some people

know for years that they are gay before confiding this to a single other person.

Coming out first requires coming out to one’s self – a process which may take many years.

Some gay people are not thrilled when they realize they are gay, especially if they are raised

in an environment in which antigay attitudes are common and antigay remarks are acceptable

or go unchallenged. It may take many, many years for them to accept and love themselves

and to be willing to reveal their identity to even the most trusted people in their lives.

Coming out does not mean making a public announcement (although this also occurs

occasionally). It may mean telling just one other person, such as an understanding sibling or a

close friend. Some gay people are selective in disclosing their identity.

Many people wait until they feel a degree of emotional and financial security. Some service

providers for runaway and homeless youth estimate that up to 40% of their clients are gay

kids.114 These are children who have either been kicked out of the house by their families or

have run away because they feel unloved, angry or hurt.

Another terrible scenario, of course, is being “outed” by another person against one’s will. It

can be one of the most devastating experiences for a gay person.

For gay and lesbian people who choose to live out of the closet, coming out is an ongoing

process. As Eric Marcus writes, “coming out is not something you do just once . . . . There

are all kinds of chance encounters and conversations that force gay people to decide whether

or not to answer honestly.”115 Law professor Kenji Yoshino expresses a similar thought in his

2006 book Covering: “When I came out, I exulted that I could stop thinking about my

orientation. That celebration proved premature. It was impossible to come out and be done

with it, as each new person erected a new closet around me.”116

Many gay people who do choose to disclose their identity to someone else feel that coming

out was the most empowering and deeply rewarding experience of their lives, but it can be

very difficult, requiring patience, tolerance, emotional stamina, spiritual strength and

tremendous resilience. Coming out can be an act of courage and an act of love.

19. Why do some gay people prefer not to come out?



to protect themselves

to protect those who depend upon them

to avoid prejudice and hurt

an individual may not be completely “in” or completely “out”

openness about identity is a luxury reserved, by and large, for heterosexual people

People remain closeted for a wide variety of reasons. Often, the decision to stay in the closet

is the result of a realistic appraisal of the unrelenting and institutionalized prejudice that gay

people face on a daily basis.

Gay people and their families may be in the closet because they want to protect themselves

from prejudice and discrimination, or because they want to protect those who depend on their

ability to earn a livelihood.

There is a widely held and inaccurate belief that one is either “in” or “out.“ In reality, a gay

person may be “out” to only a few people. Being cautious in discussing one’s sexual

orientation is understandable. Many gay people (as well as straight people) are selective

when sharing information that could expose them to mistreatment. There is nothing sinister

about this secrecy.

Unfortunately, in our present American culture, openness about one’s identity is a luxury

reserved, by and large, for heterosexual people.

Coming out is not a contest. The number of people to whom a gay person may or may not be

out is not a measure of bravery or character. Nor should a straight person ever feel

diminished because a friend or loved one did not say to them the exact words: “I want you to

know that I am gay.” Coming out is a delicate, complex issue. Sometimes gay people

recognize that others already know, respect and comprehend their situation and so feel it is

not necessary to say the words.

It is important to honor all those who have had the courage to survive, to overcome

tremendous obstacles, and to do creative, productive work, regardless of the number of people

they might choose to tell about their orientation. It is remarkable to witness the ability of

some gay people to move forward in the face of crushing rejection that most of us could not

tolerate, even for a single day.

20. Where do gay people most likely work?



everywhere

The gay population is diverse in its employment. Gay people work in every field and

occupation; they are social workers, politicians, police officers, firefighters, writers, farmers,

teachers, clergy, bankers, sanitation workers, fashion designers, entrepreneurs, directors,

actors, computer specialists, military servicemembers, and postal and construction workers.117

In some industries and areas of employment, there is an open and inclusive environment that

allows gay people to feel safe. In other industries, misinformation and prejudice against gay

people abound, causing many gay workers to stay in the closet. As discussed in Question

#32, employment discrimination against gays and lesbians is legal in most areas of the United

States.

21. Do gay people usually come out at work? How might my business and

professional relationships be affected if I assume employees and co-

workers are heterosexual?



in the past, coming out was unthinkable for professional and business people

increasingly, gay people do not attempt to hide who they are

sensitivity and fairness to all minorities can enhance professional opportunities

Before the 1970s, coming out at work was unheard of in any white-collar profession. Even

fifteen years ago, the freedom to come out at work was a luxury enjoyed primarily by the self-

employed and those in gay-friendly industries. Most gays and lesbians hoping to pursue

successful careers as business professionals had no choice but to stay in the closet.118

Increasingly, however, gays and lesbians have felt safe coming out at work. This is due not

only to changing social attitudes, but also to changes in corporate policies. The number of

companies with policies against discrimination and harassment based on sexual orientation

and gender identity has skyrocketed over the last decade, even in the many areas of the

country where such discrimination remains perfectly legal.119 (Unfortunately, however,

company antidiscrimination policies can be difficult, and in some cases impossible, to

enforce, which is why legislative protections are crucial.)

Gay people with supportive family and friends are particularly likely to come out at work.

One survey of Harvard Business School alumni found a striking correlation between parental

acceptance and willingness to come out to colleagues.120

The way in which people come out at work may vary widely. Some use the simple

declarative statement, “I am gay.” Others rely on the ability of their listener to infer meaning

from oblique statements and conversation. Some place pictures of loved ones in their office;

wear wedding or commitment rings; or invite their partner to corporate events. It is common

for gay professionals to “test the waters” before fully coming out.121

Staying closeted at work sometimes feels like the safest option. The costs of the closet,

however, are many. They include stress and fear of exposure, vulnerability to blackmail and

other forms of harassment, discomfort with socializing and the lack of a strong support

system. The closet means less networking with other gay people, strains on personal

relationships and lower self-esteem. It can undermine self-confidence and productivity.122

Gays and lesbians are not the only people who pay the price for hostile work environments.

Authors Friskopp and Silverstein note that “where homophobic jokes or comments go

unchecked, other forms of discrimination (against racial minorities or women, for example)

are also likely to take root. In contrast, companies that are consistent in stamping out

discrimination on every front are the most likely to have loyal employees. They are also the

most likely to tap into profitable opportunities in a diversity of markets.”123

Research has also found that communities open to diversity are more likely to thrive

economically. Richard Florida, economics professor at Carnegie Mellon University, states:

“[New] ideas and cutting-edge industries that lead to sustained prosperity are more likely to

exist where gay people feel welcome. . . . [Studies] also show innovation and economic

vitality closely associated with the presence of gays and other indicators of tolerance and

diversity, such as the percentage of immigrants and the level of racial and ethnic

integration.”124

22. When the subject of homosexuality comes up, we usually focus on our

feelings about gay people. What are gay people feeling? Why are some

gay people angry or depressed?



gay people have many different feelings about being gay and about how they are

perceived and treated

anger and depression are common responses to rejection

almost every cultural organization institutionalizes discrimination; governments

deny gay people equal protection; and families reject gay people

in many environments, it is considered socially acceptable to malign gay people

the anger gay people feel is often turned inward

though some gay people experience anger or depression, many gay people thrive

emotionally and lead happy, productive lives, despite the challenges they face

Gay people have many different feelings about being gay and about how they are perceived

and treated by others. The literature is rich with examples of the breadth and depth of their

feelings.

One common feeling that many gay people have is anger.

Anger is a natural surge of energy that occurs when we are confronted with injustice. Gay

and lesbian people are condemned, harassed, punished and ostracized for their inherent sexual

orientation – an orientation they did not choose and cannot change. They are taught and told

to experience their sexuality, not as a gift, but as a cruel life sentence, something to be denied

or changed.125

Almost every cultural organization institutionalizes discrimination and then defends itself

with declarations of moral superiority. Some organizations recognize discrimination as

destructive, but they look the other way and do nothing. Governments deny gay people equal

protection, many businesses discriminate, and elected officials and political action committees

malign gay people in order to get votes and raise funds. Parents reject their gay children.

Depression is another common response to these injustices.

Anger is often turned inward. Because of the hopelessness they feel, gays and lesbians may

suffer depression or consider or attempt suicide. Some make bad decisions about

relationships or about drugs and alcohol, substances which may temporarily help them to feel

the pain of rejection less acutely. Decisions about coming out can be wrenching. At stake are

family relationships, employment security, business opportunity, political viability, choice of

residence, and personal safety.

Ed was a local gay man who began his career as a player with a National Football League

team. Distraught by doubts about his identity, he became overwhelmed with anxiety and

despair. He went to the Kensico Dam, lay down at the top, said a prayer and plunged to the

bottom. Though he suffered a spinal cord injury that left him paralyzed, he survived. For the

following twenty years, he dedicated his life to helping other disabled people live fully

productive lives. His ability to overcome tragedy and to inspire and help others is a testament

to the strength of the human spirit. Sadly, Ed passed away in 2005 due to a heart condition.

A sense of isolation is another common feeling among gay people.

If you are heterosexual, imagine growing up not knowing a single other straight person. After

writing a book about her son Bobby’s suicide (see Question # 8), Mary Griffith received a

letter from a young man signed, merely, Corey.

“Everything that Bobby believed is what I believe. I have never told my family or friends the

truth, and I never, ever will. I want to fit into this society so badly and I never will be able to

as gay. All I want to do is to be able to function as a normal straight man. But I cannot and I

hate myself for it. I do not fit in anywhere.

I was brought up in a semi-religious household. I was told that God thinks homosexuals are

bad. . . . Why . . . did he create them then?! Every single day I pray about ten times for God

to make me straight.

I sit here and think, Why couldn’t Bobby and my paths have crossed? We could have shared

our fears with each other, shared our dreams. I could have been the friend he needed – he

could have been the friend I need. . . .. I have considered suicide but . . I couldn’t do that.

But there have been times when I’ve wished someone else would do the job.”126

Many gay people do not survive this type of isolation and self-hatred. The words of the

world-renowned psychiatrist, Dr. Erik Erikson: “Someday, maybe there will exist a well-

informed . . . public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a

child’s spirit.”127

The miracle is that so many gay people not only survive, but also live happy, productive lives.

It is somewhat surprising that gay people who came of age without any of the gay-friendly

support systems that now exist, are still alive, still creative and productive, still hopeful and

happy, and still participating fully in life. It is a very humbling experience to know such

people.

23. Why is homophobia sometimes called “the last socially acceptable

prejudice?”



rhetoric used to demean ethnic, religious, and racial minorities is unacceptable

rhetoric used to demean gay people is often considered acceptable, and sometimes

considered commendable and patriotic

antigay comments within families are common

Rhetoric used in the past to demean ethnic, religious, and racial minorities is no longer

considered appropriate language in a public forum. Not so with rhetoric directed at gay

people. Antigay statements and antigay letters to constituents are one of the most effective

fund-raising techniques of all time for those who use them.128

No one can imagine saying to a person of another race, nationality or ethnic background: “I

know it’s not your fault that you’re (whatever…) You were born that way and you can’t help

it. But do you have to mention it? You’re making us all uncomfortable.

We’re not used to being around people like you. In fact, in our ideal world, people like you

wouldn’t even exist.” No one can imagine adding: “I’m broad-minded and I forgive you.

Have you ever considered prayer as a ‘solution’ to your ‘problem?’” We can imagine the

hostility that would result from such comments.

These kinds of statements, in one form or another, are directed at gay people all the time. In

fact, the above statements are considered so acceptable that the remark – “It’s not your fault

that you’re gay” – is seen by many as a nice thing to say. Many of us in our support and

educational group, before we began to learn about the subject, said (or at least thought) some

of these very things. Though not uncommon, these remarks are extremely offensive to gay

people.

Here are six real-life examples of statements made within the families of people in our

support group. The remarks vary from frightening to downright silly. All of the following

statements were made by parents to children not knowing that their children were gay (though

at the time this was little comfort to the individuals involved).

“All fags should be rounded up and shot.”

“Homosexuals should never be allowed to occupy positions of importance or power.”

“Gay people are all right, unless they get together and try to assert themselves.”

“Your gay friend is intelligent: eventually he’ll realize it’s a mistake to be gay. Tell him

not to worry . . . it’s just a phase.”

“I can’t believe Rock Hudson was gay. He seemed like such a nice guy.”

“I can’t believe Rock Hudson was gay. What a waste!”

Politicians, religious leaders and other public figures frequently use vicious and outlandish

rhetoric in their attacks on gay people. A well-known senatorial and presidential candidate

declared in 1997 that “the notion that is involved in homosexuality . . . leads to

‘totalitarianism,’ ‘Nazism’ and ‘communism.’”129 In 1998, one of the nation’s most famous

religious leaders warned that sponsorship of a gay pride event in Orlando, Florida would

cause “terrorist bombs . . . earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor.”130 Another

prominent religious leader declared on national television in 2001 that gays and lesbians were

partially to blame for the September 11 terrorist attacks.131 In early 2007, a bestselling

political author publicly referred to a presidential candidate as a “faggot.”132 In May 2007, a

politician opposing equal rights for gay couples in New Hampshire stated that allowing gay

couples to marry would be like allowing convicted felons to vote.133

Needless to say, if a public figure made the above comments about any other minority group,

his or her career would be over.

The very fact that equal inclusion of all citizens is seen as so controversial in America in the

year 2007 is itself distressing to most gay people and those who care about them.

24. Why are the words “faggot” and “dyke” offensive and what do they

mean?



the word “faggot” is typically used as a slur to insult and demean gay men; the word

“dyke” is typically used as a slur to insult and demean gay women

gay people generally see the terms as threatening as well as insulting

antigay slurs are particularly devastating to young people

antigay slurs are just as ugly and hurtful as racial and ethnic slurs

the origin of the words is debated

The word “faggot” is a pejorative word used to refer to gay men. The word “dyke” is used

primarily as a pejorative reference to gay women. Both words are insulting and in some cases

threatening.

Because the words “faggot” and “dyke” have been used for a long time to insult and demean

gay people, the use of the words today almost always communicates prejudice against or

disrespect for gays and lesbians, even when the speaker does not intend to communicate such

a message. By using such words, people send the message that they are homophobic, and

that they do not respect the feelings of gay people or the feelings of those who have gay

friends or family members. They also communicate that gay people should not feel

comfortable coming out to them, and that they are not conscious of the effects of homophobia.

People who use words like “faggot” or “dyke” often do so without intending to refer

specifically to gay people. The term is common among young people as a generic put-down

and many who use the slur assure others that they are not homophobic. However, regardless

of whether the speaker intends to insult gay people specifically, gay people who hear the word

(as well as those who have gay friends and family) are likely to interpret it as an insult and a

threat. Like racial and ethnic slurs, antigay slurs do not cease to be offensive merely because

the person using the word may not mean to offend the listener.

Throughout history, societies have created highly negative images of minority groups,

sometimes with a political motivation and sometimes out of fear and ignorance. The negative

image of gay people that has been created in our society has been so powerful that a study by

the American Academy of University Women showed that among boys, actual physical

assault was preferable to being called gay.134

Antigay slurs can be just as ugly and hurtful as racial and ethnic slurs.

The origins of the words “faggot” and “dyke” are widely debated. In old English, a “faggot”

referred to a bundle of sticks, especially those that were used to burn heretics. Some people

believe that the contemporary meaning of the word “faggot” derives from the historical

practice of burning homosexual men. Others believe that this theory is merely “an

etymological urban legend.”135

The origins of the word “dyke” are also debated. One theory is that the word is a shortening

of the word “morphadike,” which was a “dialectal garbling” of the word “hermaphrodite.”136

Regardless of the origin of these words, their modern use as antigay slurs is unquestionable.

Some gay people have attempted to “reclaim” certain antigay words, like “queer” and “dyke,”

by using the words themselves. By using traditionally offensive words to describe

themselves, they hope to strip the words of their negative connotations and thereby deprive

antigay people of insulting terms to use against them. Many gay people, however, do not

believe that this strategy is useful or productive.

To avoid offending people, it is best not to use traditionally offensive words, even if one hears

gay people using them.

25. What is the relationship between antigay rhetoric and attitudes and

antigay violence?



antigay rhetoric puts the safety of gay people at risk

perpetrators of hate crimes believe their actions are justifiable

hate crimes against gay people are not new, but they are increasing

Antigay rhetoric creates an atmosphere in which the safety of gay people is at risk. If

individuals feel that gay people are predators, a threat to society and condemned by God,

these beliefs may lead to attacks and to the belief that such attacks are justified. Constant

condemnation by politicians and religious leaders and the exclusion of gay people from major

cultural institutions reinforce these beliefs.137

The physical safety of gay people is at risk in American society. Reports issued annually by

the FBI demonstrate that gay people are frequently the victims of hate crimes.138 Crimes

motivated by hate and prejudice, moreover, tend to be more violent than other crimes.139

The shocking 1998 torture and death of Matthew Shephard, beaten and left to die on a fence

post in Wyoming, led many Americans to face the reality of antigay hate for the first time.

The nation reacted with horror, confusion and disbelief. The strength and courage of

Matthew’s parents have been an inspiration and a call to address this age-old problem. Judy

Shephard, Matthew’s mother, has contributed enormously to the national debate over hate

crimes and antigay bigotry by speaking publicly and candidly about her son’s tragic death.140

These violent attacks on gay people are not new, however; they are newly reported.

In 1984, in Bangor, Maine, Charlie Howard was beaten and thrown off a bridge by three local

teenage boys because they knew that Charlie was gay. These young men, knowing Charlie

could not swim, watched him as he drowned.141 There was no national outcry. It is only

recently that the public has become more aware of the many gay people who have had their

lives and those of their families damaged and destroyed by hate.142

Antigay murders are often characterized by extreme viciousness. Studies show

“extraordinary and horrific” violence in crimes against gay people, as well as transgender

people.143 The victims often have no chance at all to defend themselves. We remember

Private First Class Barry Winchell, a young soldier who, because of his perceived sexual

orientation, was bludgeoned to death with a baseball bat in 1999 while he slept in his army

barracks.144 We also remember Gwen Araujo, a seventeen year old transgender woman who

was beaten and strangled to death in 2002 at a house party to which she had been invited, and

Sakia Gunn, a fifteen year old lesbian who was stabbed to death on the street in New Jersey in

2003 after she rebuffed the sexual advances of a young man by telling him she was gay.145

Violence toward gay people occurs on many levels. Physical violence, experienced through

attacks by others or directed inward through suicide, results when a group is targeted as

undesirable and defective. Violence to the human spirit and irreparable damage to the

emotional development of gay youth occur daily when messages that define a group as

substandard go unchallenged.

Some rhetoric is overt, suggesting that gay people are dangerous and a threat to society.

Some is more subtle, limiting the visibility of gay people by pretending no one in the audience

(or congregation) is gay. Some rhetoric is ludicrous. The most famous is the Reverend

Phelps “God Hates Fags!” campaign. A few preachers have also warned their followers

against reading the King James Version of the Bible, since most historians now agree that

King James was a gay man.146

Much antigay rhetoric has religious belief as its basis.

We also see daily the efforts of groups to use homosexuals in their fundraising efforts.

Maligning gay people as the enemies of society is the backbone of many campaigns. Efforts

to raise funds by appeals to fight racism and poverty or to reduce the divorce rate have just

not been as successful from a financial point of view.

It is not only gay people who are harassed or attacked. Straight citizens who are perceived to

be gay are also at risk.

A special note: We wish to pay tribute to the family of James Byrd, Jr.

The members of the Byrd family are exceptional people who are role models for all

Americans. James Jr. was dragged to death, a victim of an horrific racial hate crime in Jasper,

Texas. His parents, Stella and James Byrd Sr. and his nephew Darrell Varrett have become

powerful voices in condemning hatred of minorities and the painful division that it brings.

They say that speaking out has helped in the healing of their family. They have consistently

offered tremendous support to the gay community, speaking out on its behalf and appearing in

solidarity with gay people to honor all our families. Their grace, dignity and power and their

willingness to testify and speak out for all minorities are compelling.147

26. If it were understood that one’s sexual orientation is not a choice, would

that significantly reduce prejudice against gay people?



it would help

it would not solve the problem

many people are prejudiced against racial and ethnic minorities, fully realizing that

these characteristics are innate

One of the reasons that some people cling so desperately to the idea that sexual orientation is

a choice may be to avoid responsibility for discrimination. If one believes everyone can

simply “decide” to be heterosexual, much of the discomfort about discrimination disappears.

But the fact that sexual orientation is innate will never stop prejudice. As racial minorities

can readily attest, an understanding that race is inherent has not prevented ongoing and

virulent discrimination against people of color.

Ethnic, religious and racial minorities sometimes suffer more than one kind of prejudice. In

his brilliant work, “One More River to Cross: Black and Gay in America,” Keith Boykin

describes the experiences of hundreds of black lesbians and gay men. He describes his own

coming out, as a 25-year-old Harvard Law School student, and examines the experience of

those who struggle with racism and homophobia.

Mr. Boykin, who served as the principal liaison and spokesperson between the White House

and the minority (including African-American and gay) media, writes: “One of the most

enduring qualities of oppression is not only that it teaches the oppressed to hate themselves

but also that it teaches them to hate one another, pitting minority against minority in a

senseless contest to replicate the oppressor. Remarkably, the oppressed absorb and accept the

values of the oppressor.”148

A constant barrage of negative images about oneself can damage one’s self respect. In Letter

from the Birmingham Jail Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. referred to this inner turmoil as

“forever fighting a degenerating sense of ‘nobodyness.’”149 Racial, religious and ethnic

minorities who are also gay have to fight difficult battles on many fronts, from within and

from without.

27. Why should we grant civil rights protection on the basis of behavior?



homosexuality is not defined by behavior

Opponents of civil rights protections for gays and lesbians often claim that unlike innate and

immutable characteristics such as race and sex, homosexuality is defined by “behavior,” and

therefore does not provide a proper basis for civil rights protections.

These arguments are misguided, however, because homosexuality is not defined by behavior.

As explained earlier, sexual orientation refers to “an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual or

affectional attraction to individuals of a particular gender.”150 It is “different from sexual

behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept.”151 (See Question #1.) Extensive

research suggests that it is innate and immutable. (See Questions #2 and #6.) Gay people are

gay regardless of whether they are in relationship, just as a straight person who is celibate

remains a heterosexual.152

Moreover, those who attempt to distinguish gay people from other minority groups by

focusing on “behavior” fail to recognize that racism, sexism and other prejudices can also be

expressed as oppositions to someone else’s behavior. For example, interracial marriages,

racially integrated schooling and women working outside of the home are all “behaviors” that

some groups have viewed as unfavorable, or even “immoral.” The law nonetheless protects

against racial and gender discrimination in marriage, in education and in the workplace. The

law also bars discrimination based on religion, even though religion is a mutable

characteristic that often manifests itself in behaviors.

28. What are “special rights”?



gay people do not have the same civil rights as heterosexuals do

antigay organizations claim that protecting citizens on the basis of sexual

orientation would only benefit gay people; hence, the term “special rights”

antidiscrimination laws protect white people, men and heterosexuals just as they

protect racial minorities, women and gay people

in the pivotal 1996 case, Romer v. Evans, the Supreme Court of the United States

rejected the argument that gay-rights laws are “special rights”

Many people are unaware that in most states and cities a gay person can legally be denied

housing, public accommodation, and employment because of his or her sexual orientation.

Organizations opposed to laws that would prevent discrimination claim that everyone is

already protected equally. (The argument appears to be that because no one’s rights are

protected on the basis of sexual orientation, we have achieved equality.) They state that laws

designed to protect citizens on the basis of sexual orientation would only benefit gay people;

hence the term “special rights.” Laws prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation,

however, do not favor gay people over straight people. Though often referred to as “gay

rights” laws, the laws actually prohibit discrimination against heterosexuals as well.

Certainly, gays and lesbians may benefit more from these laws than heterosexuals, but that is

only because gays and lesbians are more likely to face discrimination. Similarly, racial

minorities are more likely to benefit from laws barring race discrimination than white people,

because racial minorities are more likely to encounter discrimination. This does not mean,

however, that the great civil rights laws of 1964 and 1965 – which ensured that people could

not be discriminated against on the basis of race – provided “special rights” to people of color.

None of the major civil rights organizations dedicated to achieving equality for gay and

lesbian Americans have sought to obtain “special rights” for gay people. Nor have they

sought laws that would authorize affirmative action programs, preferential treatment or

quotas.153

In the pivotal 1996 case Romer v. Evans, the Supreme Court of the United States rejected the

argument that gay-rights laws constitute “special rights” for homosexuals. The Court clearly

stated that protecting citizens from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation does not

create “special rights.”

The case came about because the state of Colorado had passed a state constitutional

amendment in 1992 that prohibited civil rights protections for gay people throughout the state.

(The denial of protection was called Amendment Two.) This denial was challenged and the

case went to the Supreme Court. The Court held that Amendment Two violated the federal

Constitution’s guarantee of “equal protection,” and was therefore invalid.

The Supreme Court wrote: “[Colorado’s] principal argument in defense of Amendment 2 is

that it . . . does no more than deny homosexuals special rights. This reading of the

amendment’s language is implausible. . . . We find nothing special in the protections

Amendment 2 withholds. These are protections taken for granted by most people either

because they already have them or do not need them: these are protections against exclusion

from an almost limitless number of transactions and endeavors that constitute ordinary civic

life in a free society.”154

(Colorado has made great strides toward equality for gays and lesbians since enacting

Amendment Two. In 2007, Colorado became the twentieth state to bar discrimination in

employment on the basis of sexual orientation.)

29. What was the landmark 2003 Supreme Court case, Lawrence v. Texas?

Why was it important?



prior to the summer of 2003, the Supreme Court did not recognize gay people’s right

to privacy, even within their own homes

gay people in America could be branded as criminals because of their intimate,

personal relationships

police entered the home and bedroom of two gay citizens, Lawrence and his partner,

who were arrested, fined, imprisoned overnight and convicted of a crime

the couple appealed their case to the Supreme Court

In the infamous 1986 case, Bowers v. Hardwick, the Supreme Court held, by a 5-4 vote, that

the right to privacy did not extend to consenting, adult same-sex relationships, even within the

privacy of a citizen’s own home.155

The ruling did tremendous damage to the civil rights of gay and lesbian people.

Many legislators, judges and other government officials used the Court’s decision in the

Bowers case to justify discrimination against gay people in employment, custody disputes,

relationship recognition, education and other areas.156 The reasoning of the antigay

government officials was simple: If the Supreme Court said gay people could be branded as

criminals, then surely gays could be denied other rights as well.

In Lawrence v. Texas, the Supreme Court was given an opportunity to reconsider its ruling in

Bowers. The Lawrence case was the result of the following incident:

Until 2003, private, consensual sexual intimacy between gay adults was still illegal in several

states, including Texas.

In 1998, the police pushed open the door and entered the bedroom in the home of Mr.

Lawrence in response to a false report of a disturbance made by an unfriendly neighbor. (The

neighbor was later convicted for knowingly making the false report.)157

Mr. Lawrence and his partner were arrested in their bedroom, fined, imprisoned overnight and

convicted of violating Texas’s “Homosexual Conduct Law.” Their conviction would have

barred them from holding several types of jobs in Texas. They were now labeled as convicts.

They also would have been required to register as sex offenders should they have moved to

several other states.

Their five year legal battle ended before the Supreme Court in 2003.158

30. How did the Supreme Court rule in the Lawrence case?



private, sexual intimacy between consenting adults has now been recognized as a

constitutionally protected liberty

gay people are no longer branded as criminals in the United States because of their

intimate, personal relationships

In Lawrence, the Supreme Court, in a 6-3 vote, reversed the convictions of the two men who

had been arrested in the privacy of their own bedroom. The Court overruled its previous

decision in Bowers v. Hardwick and held that the Texas law deprived gays and lesbians of

their constitutional rights.

Regardless of whether it takes place between homosexuals or heterosexuals, private sexual

intimacy between consenting adults has now been recognized by the Supreme Court as a

constitutionally protected liberty that the government may not prohibit.

The Court wrote: “[Gays and lesbians] are entitled to respect for their private lives. The State

cannot demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct

a crime. Their right to liberty under the Due Process Clause gives them the full right to

engage in their conduct without the intervention of the government. It is a promise of the

Constitution that there is a realm of liberty which the government may not enter.”159

In effect, the Supreme Court de-criminalized and protected the private lives of gay people.

The Court further stated:

“[The authors of our Constitution] knew times can blind us to certain truths and later

generations can see that laws once thought necessary and proper in fact serve only to oppress.

As the Constitution endures, persons in every generation can invoke its principles in their own

search for greater freedom.”160

The Lawrence decision was a sweeping victory for human rights and changed the legal

landscape for gay people in the United States. States may no longer justify antigay

discrimination using the rationale that gays and lesbians are criminals.

The advocacy group More Light Presbyterians signed an amicus brief submitted to the

Supreme Court on behalf of religious groups that supported Mr. Lawrence and his partner.

It is interesting to note that this historic decision was rendered by what is widely viewed as a

conservative Court.

Laws criminalizing intimate relationships between gay persons were abolished in most other

Western countries long before the United States Supreme Court issued its decision in

Lawrence.161 In some parts of the world, however, homosexuality is still illegal, and

sometimes punishable by death. Laws in some of the most oppressive countries prohibit

much more than intimate conduct; in at least one developing country, gay people are

prohibited from hugging or holding hands with one another.162

31. What is the legal status of civil marriage for gay couples in America?



regardless of the law of the state where they reside, gay couples do not have access

to the over 1,1000 federal rights and benefits granted to heterosexual married

couples

only one state in the U.S. currently recognizes same-sex marriages

several states recognize “civil unions” or “domestic partnerships” between persons

of the same sex

granting civil marriage rights to gay citizens does not require faith traditions to

perform or recognize same-sex marriages



Most Americans grow up considering relationship rights to be a “given.”

In most parts of the country, however, these rights are available only to heterosexual spouses.

In most places, gay couples are total strangers under the law, even though they may have been

together for decades.

Life is very different for citizens denied the protections of relationship rights. The following

are just a few ways in which the law of most American jurisdictions treats same-sex couples

differently from married heterosexual couples:



Same-sex partners can be denied the right to visit a sick or injured partner in a hospital

or emergency room.

Same-sex partners can be denied the right to participate in medical decisions for an

incapacitated partner.

Gay people are not entitled to family leave to care for an ill partner or to family leave

because of bereavement.

Same-sex partners receive no survivor Social Security benefits, despite a lifetime of

paying payroll taxes.

In the unusual event that an employer offers health care insurance to the partners of

gay employees, the gay employees must pay federal income tax on the value of the

insurance.

Gay individuals must pay estate tax on assets inherited from a partner.

Elderly gay people do not have a legal right to live together in nursing homes.



Laws that protect married elderly people from being forced to sell their homes to pay

nursing home bills do not apply to gay and lesbian seniors.

Gay and lesbian partners are excluded from pension benefits in cases where pension

plans cover only married spouses.

Gay people pay (up to 70%) tax on IRA accounts of a deceased partner.

Gay partners, unlike married heterosexual couples, can be forced to testify against a

partner in a trial.

Same-sex couples have no legal standing to bring a wrongful death suit.

In the event of a loved one’s death, gay couples do not have the authority to consent to

an autopsy, organ donation, or to make funeral arrangements.

Under federal immigration law, American citizens may not petition for their same-sex

foreign partners to immigrate.163

Very few of the rights denied to same-sex couples can be secured through private contracts.

One state – Massachusetts – currently recognizes same-sex marriages. The federal

government does not recognize these marriages.

Several other states recognize gay and lesbian relationships but do not call them marriage.

In Connecticut, New Jersey, New Hampshire* and Vermont, gay couples may enter into

“civil unions,” which provide all of the legal rights, protections and responsibilities of

marriage that a state government (as opposed to the federal government) may provide. In

California and Oregon*, gay couples may enter into “domestic partnerships,” which are

similar to civil unions. Hawaii, Washington D.C. and Washington State provide more

limited recognition to gay and lesbian couples.

Many people believe that “civil unions” will protect gay couples and provide them with all

the protections that heterosexuals have. This is inaccurate.

Federal law currently provides over 1,100 rights and benefits to Americans who are

married.164 State “civil unions” or “partnerships” cannot provide these rights, because the

federal government limits the rights to heterosexual married couples.165

Thus, gay couples (who might join in a union, marriage or partnership created at the

state level) do not have the same rights as heterosexual married couples for purposes of

federal tax benefits, immigration rights, and other federally granted rights.

Many states have amended their state constitutions specifically to ban government recognition

of same-sex relationships. Due to inaccurate media coverage and misleading antigay

campaign materials, voters who vote in favor of these amendments often do not realize that

the amendments may bar recognition not only of same-sex marriages, but also of same-sex

civil unions and domestic partnerships.

The law in New Hampshire will take effect in 2008. The law in Oregon is scheduled to take effect in

January 2008; however, implementation in Oregon may be delayed or even thwarted altogether if antigay

organizations are successful in their repeal efforts.

Some members of Congress are pushing for an amendment to the federal Constitution that

would forever prohibit same-sex marriages, civil unions and domestic partnerships in every

state. If approved, it would be the first time in the nation’s history that the Constitution was

amended to deny rights to a class of people.

Five foreign countries currently permit gay couples to marry: Belgium, Canada, the

Netherlands, Spain and South Africa. In many other countries, including the United

Kingdom, France, Germany, Portugal, the Czech Republic, Hungary, Croatia, Slovenia,

Switzerland, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Norway and New Zealand, gay couples

may obtain legal recognition in other forms.166

The above information is accurate as of August 2007, but legal change is rapid and

unpredictable in the area of civil marriage rights.

Currently, in America, the discussion of civil marriage rights for gay people is ongoing.

Conversations are now taking place regarding both the tangible and the intangible benefits of

marriage, including benefits both to the individual and to the society in which we all live.

Increasing media coverage of gay marriages and civil unions has allowed our society to

witness the great diversity that exists within the gay community.167 Elderly couples, young

couples, couples with supportive families in attendance, couples with children, couples just

starting out in life, couples of every ethnicity, every race and every socio-economic group

have come forward to publicly celebrate their relationships.

The political debates surrounding marriage pertain to civil marriage, not religious ceremonies.

Granting civil marriage rights to same-sex couples would not require any faith tradition

to perform or recognize same-sex marriages. Each and every religious community would

be free to decide for itself what constitutes a marriage in the eyes of God.168

The intangible benefits of marriage are well understood; they are powerful and deeply

personal. Marriage, for most people, is a uniquely treasured human relationship. To many

people, spending one’s energy and resources (or that of the nation’s) to deny to others what is

so indispensable in one’s own life, seems regrettable and unjust.

It is also more than a little ironic, that after years of being portrayed as hedonistic and shallow

people, gay citizens must now be subject to such outrage at the thought that they may be

allowed to form lasting legal commitments.

32. What other rights do gay people lack?



Gay people lack legal protections in the areas of:

o Employment

o Housing

o Public accommodations

o Education

o Child custody and adoption

o Military service

In addition to fears of social and family rejection, gay people lack legal protections against

discrimination in a wide variety of areas.

Employment, housing, and public accommodations

In most places in the United States, there are no laws that protect against discrimination based

on sexual orientation.

In these places, it remains perfectly legal to fire somebody for being gay, to evict somebody

from his or her rented home for being gay, and to exclude gay people from public

accommodations such as theaters, stores, restaurants and hotels. There is no legal recourse.

An increasing number of states do provide protections, however.

As of August 2007, twenty states have enacted laws prohibiting discrimination based on

sexual orientation in private employment, public accommodations, and/or housing. Thirteen

of these states have also enacted prohibitions on discrimination based on gender identity

and/or gender expression.169

Over 170 localities (cities, counties, etc.) also prohibit discrimination based on sexual

orientation, and over 80 prohibit discrimination based on gender identity and/or expression.

These local protections, however, often do not have the same force as state protections. 170

Though federal civil rights laws covering employment and public accommodations have long

prohibited discrimination based on race, nationality, sex, religion, age, disability and other

factors, there is no federal statute prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation or

gender identity.171

Sometimes people express the belief that gay rights laws provide protections that are not

available to the general public. But, in fact, laws that would ensure equality on the basis of

sexual orientation would do so equally for everyone. Though often referred to as “gay rights”

law, the laws prohibiting discrimination do not single out gay people as a special class. On

the contrary, they prohibit discrimination based on heterosexual (and bisexual) orientation

just like they prohibit discrimination based on homosexual orientation.

The fact that gay people, women or racial and ethnic minorities may need civil rights

protections more than other citizens, moreover, does not mean that such protections are

“special rights” for that particular group.

Equal opportunity and civil liberty protections do not remove rights from any citizen or

provide extra rights to any citizen.

Religious organizations are generally exempt from antidiscrimination laws covering sexual

orientation and gender identity.172

Education

Gays and lesbians face severe discrimination and harassment in schools, and very few states

provide legal recourse.

Large numbers of gay and transgender students endure discrimination, harassment, physical

violence and verbal abuse from their classmates, and teachers often do not intervene. In fact,

teachers themselves may make disrespectful comments or feel free to express their own

contempt for homosexuals.

In a 2005 survey, over 75% of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) students

reported hearing antigay remarks “frequently” or “often” at school, and over one-third

reported that they experienced physical harassment or assault because of their sexual

orientation.173

The hostility and isolation experienced by LGBT youth at school can have serious, sometimes

devastating, effects on the students’ education and health. LGBT youth are more likely than

their peers to miss school due to safety concerns, and those who face frequent harassment

report lower grade-point averages and are more likely to say that they do not intend to

complete high school or go to college.174

Studies consistently demonstrate that gay and lesbian youth are more likely than their non-gay

peers to suffer from depression and other adverse reactions linked to harassment.175

Despite these problems, very few states have taken steps to protect LGBT youth from

discrimination and harassment. As of August 2007, only ten states (plus the District of

Columbia) have laws that address harassment and discrimination based on sexual orientation

in schools. Only five states have enacted safe-school laws addressing harassment and

discrimination based on gender identity and/or expression.176

Failure of the school to actively counter bias and officially declare it unacceptable creates a

pervasive dynamic in which students can be seen as targets at all times, anywhere within their

social community. School buses are a nightmare for these young people.

Harassment is epidemic and nationwide, even in communities seen as progressive on

inclusion.

Reverend Ray Bagnuolo reports attending a local conference for gay youth in which a young

woman confided her fears and prayers to the group:

“One quiet young woman from a public school in New York City revealed to the group that

she believed in God. She told us that she prayed one prayer to God each morning. It was a

prayer that she would get to school safely. All she wanted from God was to not get beaten up

on her way to school.”177

Children of gay and lesbian couples also face discrimination. In one highly publicized case in

2003, a seven-year child of a lesbian woman in Louisiana was disciplined at school for

explaining to his classmate that his mother was gay. The school compelled the child to attend

a special behavioral clinic at 6:45 in the morning, where he was forced to repeatedly write “I

will never use the word ‘gay’ in school again.”178

Child custody and adoption

Child custody and adoption laws vary widely by state. It is not at all uncommon for gays and

lesbians to be discriminated against in adoption and custody cases, even cases involving the

gay person’s own biological child.

In one widely publicized case, a Florida court ruled that a child was better off with her openly

racist father, a convicted murderer, than with her biological mother, because the mother was

gay.179 In a famous 1995 case, the Supreme Court of Virginia affirmed a lower court’s

decision to deny a woman custody of her biological child because of the woman’s

homosexual orientation.180 The lower court had concluded that the mother’s “lesbianism”

was “illegal” and “immoral,” and granted custody to the child’s grandmother. (The

heterosexual father expressed no interest in the child and paid no child support.)181

The state with the most restrictive law is Florida, which bans both gay and lesbian individuals

and couples from adopting, even if the child they wish to adopt has no other home available to

him or her. (And unfortunately, thousands of children await adoption in Florida.182)

Florida permits gay people to be foster parents, but does not allow gay foster parents to adopt

the children.

In 2004, a sharply divided federal appeals court rejected a gay couple’s constitutional

challenge to the Florida law.

The men who brought the lawsuit, Steven Lofton and Roger Croteau, have five foster

children. The oldest three children have been living with the couple since infancy; the

couple’s home is the only one the children have ever known.183 At the state’s request, Lofton

left his job in order to care for the children full time. He later received an Outstanding Foster

Parenting award from a child placement agency licensed by the state.184 Florida law

nevertheless prohibits Lofton and his partner from adopting their foster children.

One of the children, Bert, was previously considered “un-adoptable” because of his HIV

status at birth. Recently, however, Bert has “sero-converted” (which children can do) and no

longer tests positive. This is in large part due to the excellent care he has received from his

foster parents.185

The state’s response to the change in the child’s health status – Bert is now considered

“adoptable” – is to now actively search for a heterosexual family to adopt him. In fact, the

state has had the audacity to ask the foster parents for suggestions.186

The Florida law prohibiting Lofton and Croteau from adopting their foster children is

unusually broad. As one federal judge noted in a dissenting opinion, the law “accords

everyone other than homosexuals the benefit of an individualized consideration that is

directed toward the best interests of the child. Child abusers, terrorists, drug dealers, rapists

and murderers are not categorically barred by the adoption statute from consideration for

adoptive parenthood in Florida. On the other hand, individuals who take children into their

care, including unwanted children, such as those who are HIV-positive, and who have raised

them with loving care for years are categorically barred from adopting if they happen to be

homosexual.”187

The nation’s leading medical and professional organizations have issued position statements

explaining that sexual orientation is irrelevant to being a good parent.188 The American

Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, and the National

Association of Social Workers, for example, have explained that “[o]ver the past two decades,

research about children of gay parents has yielded the consistent conclusion that these

children demonstrate no deficits in intellectual development, social adjustment, or

psychological well-being as compared to children of heterosexual parents.”189 Organizations

issuing similar statements include the American Academy of Family Physicians, the

American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Bar Association, the American

Psychoanalytic Association, the Child Welfare League of America, and the North American

Council on Adoptable Children.190

Military service

Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people have served with distinction in militaries

around the world throughout history.

However, the U.S. military has a policy of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” for gay servicemembers.

Military employees are generally not supposed to asked about servicemembers’ sexual

orientation. If these employees are gay however, they must not reveal that fact, or they will

face discharge. Thus, a heterosexual person may freely discuss his or her significant other or

husband or wife, but a gay person must not give any hint of his or her sexual orientation, lest

he or she be fired.

From 1994 – when the current Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy took effect – through 2001, an

average of approximately 1,000 people per year were fired from their military jobs for being

gay, lesbian or bisexual.191 Millions of tax-payer dollars have been spent on the high costs of

these discharges.192

A 2007 report from the Williams Institute found that the number of troops lost to the Don’t

Ask, Don’t Tell policy is actually much higher than government figures suggest, in part

because the numbers released by the government do not take into account the troops that

choose not to re-enlist due to the military’s antigay policies. The report concludes that since

1994, “an average of nearly 4,000 [lesbian, gay, and bisexual] military personnel each year on

active duty or in the guard or reserves would have been retained if they could have been more

open about their sexual orientation.”193

The military continues to discharge servicemembers who possess what it considers to be

essential skills. For example, though the federal government has recently lamented the

shortage of government translators fluent in Farsi and Arabic, dozens of translators fluent in

those languages have been fired in recent years under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.194

“Don’t tell” means don’t tell anyone. And, as a general rule, even conversations between

servicemembers and their military doctors, psychologists and other mental health care

providers are not confidential. Chaplains have also been known to report servicemembers

who are struggling with their orientation or with harassment.195

An increasing number of nations do not discriminate against gay citizens who wish to serve in

the military. At least twenty-two of the nations that have sent troops to serve side by side with

American soldiers in recent military conflicts abroad allow openly gay people to serve. These

nations are Germany, the United Kingdom, France, Spain, Austria, Italy, Ireland, Belgium,

Canada, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Lithuania, the Netherlands, Norway, Finland,

Sweden, Estonia, Slovenia, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Australia and New Zealand.196 Israel

and South Africa also allow openly gay people to serve in the military.197 In June 2007, the

United Kingdom’s Ministry of Defense apologized to British armed forces personnel who

experienced discrimination under its former antigay policies.198

33. What is meant by heterosexuals “coming out”? What can I do?



heterosexuals and institutions may go through a kind of ‘coming out’ process of

their own when they decide to openly support gay and lesbian loved ones

what we can do as individuals

Increasingly, straight people “come out” as allies in support of equality for gay citizens.

Institutions do this as well. In these cases, a similar process of anxiety, angst, soul-searching

and trepidation may come into play. Coming out is not easy, whether one is a gay person, a

parent, a sibling, a concerned straight citizen, or an institution. It may require much internal

inventory, dialogue, research, questioning and prayer.

One can never underestimate the power, difficulty, anxiety and joy of coming out.

One’s sexual orientation has nothing to do with the desire to see all people treated equally.

As columnist Randy Cohen notes, “[i]t is not just Jews who should resist anti-Semitism, or

only African-Americans who should oppose racism: these are ethical obligations for

everyone.”199 Increasingly, straight people are speaking out for the equal inclusion of gay

people.

What can we do as individuals? A good start is to acknowledge that we care about gay

people. Homophobia harms someone we love.200 When we hear antigay aspersions and

jokes, we can point out to the speaker the hurtfulness and destructiveness of their words.201

We can meet one another in our daily lives with the recognition that not everyone is

heterosexual. We can keep open the channels of communication and the flow of ideas. We

can block attempts to silence gay people. We can respect their need to speak about being gay

when, where and with whom they choose.202

We can include our gay relatives so they do not become ghosts at the periphery of our lives.203

We can know that some children, ours or other people’s, will be gay. We can remember that

justice will save and strengthen the lives of some of these children as they grow and mature.

We can support local and national organizations that seek equality for all people. We can be

aware of which social or political action groups demean or support gay people. We can be

aware of the policies of groups to which we belong.204

We can acknowledge the many rights, privileges, opportunities, benefits that we receive

because of our heterosexual status, and we can recognize that others are not treated equally.205

Straight and gay people can work on joint projects that do not directly address issues of sexual

orientation. Studies have found that use of such projects – as has been done with racial

tensions in the military – helps people find common ground.206

Each of us can reexamine our past beliefs and seek out accurate, current information. We can

talk to gay people about their lives. We can begin to insist that all people be able to exercise

the same rights to freedom and equality. We can point out the harm done to innocent people

by exclusion and prejudice.207

Among the most important and easiest things straight people can do is to speak openly and in

an affirming way with friends, colleagues and family about their feelings and beliefs about

gay people. When we remain silent in the face of disparaging remarks, people assume that we

agree with them.

Gay people and those who love them are very sensitive to language and listen for subtle

messages that they are in a safe or an unsafe environment. When we let others know that we

realize not everyone is straight and that we respect all people, we can begin to open doors.

34. What is life like for gay youth?



gay youth suffer from high rates of depression and suicide

most gay youth are extremely isolated

gay youth are often quite homophobic

gay youth do not have family support that other minority children have

school is not a safe place for gay teenagers

Depression is very common among gay teens, and gay adolescents are two to three times

more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual young people are. It is estimated that up to

thirty percent of the completed youth suicides are committed by lesbian and gay youth.208

Most gay teenagers do not feel safe in their own homes with their own families. They are not

safe in their schools. Most are at risk in their communities, including their faith communities.

The pain of feeling ostracized or of feeling that one does not fit the mold is universal. It is

particularly painful for young gay people. Even gay teens who are in therapy for depression

may not confide in their therapists for fear that the therapist will reject them.

Unfortunately, even the love of parents is not enough to protect young gay people.

Mother Leslie Sadasivan has written about the suicide of her gay son, Robbie: “When my

family and I realized that Robbie was gay we let him know immediately that we loved,

supported, and accepted him. . . . But our efforts could not protect him from the rejection and

harassment he experienced [at school] and his overall perception of how society and religion

view homosexuality.”209

Robbie knew he was gay by age 10. He suffered tremendous abuse and rejection during his

short life. Eventually, he simply could not go on. On January 2, 1997, four months into the

ninth grade, Robbie shot himself in the head. He was found by his nineteen-year-old sister.

In a suicide note, Robbie wrote: “I hope I can find peace in death that I could not find in life.”

He asked his family to remember and pray for him.210

Kate Stone Lombardi, feature writer for the New York Times, describes the struggle on a

local level: “Sixteen year old Cat B. was walking out of White Plains High School on a

recent afternoon when the verbal assault began. ‘There was a group of guys, all football

players,’ Cat said, adding that the name caller used words that alluded to her sexual

orientation and yelled, ‘Don’t hit on my girlfriend!’ and ‘If you sleep with me one night,

you’ll change!’ The experience is not uncommon for the sophomore, who is a lesbian, but it

is one that never loses its sharp jab of pain. ‘You want to die,’ said Cat, whose large brown

eyes were suddenly downcast. ‘You want to crawl under a rock and die.’”211

Respect and consideration for all people is a message that is appropriate at any age. Surveys

show that the second most common insult among second-graders is “That’s so gay!” (The

most common insult is “That’s so stupid!”)212 Though children in second grade may not

know what “gay” means, society has already begun the process of teaching them that the term

is insulting and negative.

Gay youth very frequently hear homophobic remarks in school. In a 2005 survey, over 75%

of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) students reported hearing antigay remarks

“frequently” or “often” at school. Almost a fifth reported hearing homophobic remarks from

faculty or staff. Over one-third reported that they experienced physical harassment or assault

because of their sexual orientation. 213 (See Question #32.)

Gay youth often have little or no information about sexual orientation. The American

Psychological Association states that accurate information about homosexuality is especially

important to young people struggling with their own sexual identity. The fear that accurate

information about homosexuality will cause more people to be gay, the Association explains,

has “no validity.” 214 Educating young people about homosexuality will not make them gay or

straight.215

It is not uncommon for gay teenagers to be – or at least to appear – very homophobic.

Recognizing and rejecting a part of themselves, gay young people may often make antigay

remarks and harbor strong prejudice against gay people.

Gay youth hear politicians and religious leaders condemn and exclude gay people. Many

parents may make antigay remarks at home, blind to the fact that they have gay children who

are listening to them in fear and despair. Many young people experience tremendous

isolation, feeling it is too big a risk to discuss their identity with a single other person.

It is particularly damaging for gay youth to hear the nation’s leaders suggest that equal

inclusion of citizens like themselves will lead to the disintegration and moral decline of our

society. (This is another common and socially acceptable remark.) It is not a good idea for

any young person (gay or straight) to hear this type of statement made about any minority

group. Messages that some groups are condemned and some groups are superior are

messages that young people hear and carry for a lifetime.

Young people may hear their friends and relatives express their disappointment when learning

that someone is gay, especially if that individual is attractive: “What a shame! What a waste!”

It is difficult to develop self-respect under these circumstances and some children feel they

are worthless. These are the words of Ellen Stewart, explaining why her A’s and B’s had

slipped to C’s and D’s: “I didn’t care. I was completely out of it. I felt . . . so degraded as a

person that anything else I did had no value. It was kinda like nothing really mattered.”216

It requires an exceptionally strong core of personal strength for a young person to develop as

a whole, healthy person, living in such a hostile world. Any young person who learns very

early that they are singled out and hated will be profoundly affected in their growth and self-

concept. A greater issue is not only the presence of any specific prejudice, but the impact of

any prejudice on human development.

It is very rare for a young gay person to report antigay abuse or slurs to his or her parents.

Normally, if a child (from another minority) faces racial, ethnic, or religious prejudice at

school or elsewhere, this is recognized as unacceptable and damaging to everyone, and the

parent immediately takes action. The child who is the target or who has just overheard a

hurtful remark is protected, his or her worth is reaffirmed, and they are reminded how

precious and valuable they are. This is not the case for gay teenagers. Fearing rejection, they

are silent and struggle on alone. Many are permanently damaged by self-hatred and the

hatred of others. Many do not survive.

Fortunately, an increasing number of gay and lesbian young people are finding support at

home and in school. According to the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, there

are now over 3,000 student “gay straight alliances” in schools nationwide. (In 1987, there

were fewer than 100.217) These student groups provide crucial support to gay teenagers and

play an important role in reducing homophobia in communities. Sadly, however, school

districts and politicians around the country often attempt to block the formation of these gay-

supportive groups.

35. Do gay teenagers always deal directly with their orientation?



no, many gay teenagers postpone dealing with their orientation

Many adolescents who are gay postpone dealing with their natural orientation as long as

possible. It requires enormous ego-strength within adolescents to be different from their peers

and many do not find this strength until later adolescence or adulthood.

Additionally, many children and teenagers who are gay have a clear sense of any hostile

environments around them, such as their peer group, family, school, or church, so that they

exhaust their energies trying to satisfy and impress these forces in their lives. This means

postponing any serious efforts towards understanding their sexual orientation until they have

gained sufficient strength to do so or until their environment changes.

The most courageous thing a parent can do is to face their fears or questions that one of their

children might be gay and seek out ways to reinforce them as human beings. It is important to

speak in loving and inclusive ways so that, even on a vague and generalized level, a young

child or adolescent will know that if they should turn out to be gay they are loved and valued

within the family.

36. Do families know if their children are gay?



this varies from family to family

gay people normally do not disclose their identity unless they feel safe

sometimes families sense that a loved one is gay, but avoid discussion

sometimes antigay remarks are used by parents and siblings as a warning that it’s

not O.K. to be gay in that particular home

In the experience of our group, most parents of gay teenagers have no idea that their children

are gay. To parents, most gay adolescents appear to be heterosexuals (just the way adult gay

people do). Many gay people will disclose their identity to a close friend or sibling when they

are younger, but wait until they become adults to tell parents, if in fact they ever do.

The vast majority of gay teenagers have been raised in all-heterosexual households with no

information whatsoever about homosexuality. They have no role models or people to give

courage, comfort and guidance. Children who belong to racial, religious or ethic minorities

have parents who are very aware of the challenges their children may face because of their

identity and are prepared to help them. In contrast, gay people growing up are very isolated.

Sometimes parents who have always considered themselves very “open-minded,” who have

gay friends and colleagues, can be surprised by their intensely negative reaction when they

learn that their own child is gay. This is not unusual at all. Everyone realizes that the future

of one’s own children is not a theoretical construct. Everything takes on new meaning when

it affects your own children. Also, most of us were raised with the idea that gay people were

“somebody else.”

Some families believe that overt and vocal disapproval of homosexuality will prevent their

children from being gay. This is counterproductive. One cannot promote or discourage

something which is not a choice. Some children do not recover from damage that results from

growing up in a hostile environment. Even subtle or unspoken disapproval is difficult when it

is unrelenting.

Other families wonder about a child’s orientation, but they may not acknowledge it. This can

create a distance between parent and child which can last for decades.

Arthur Lipkin writes: “[F]amily members express interest in the child’s life but are careful not

to make inquiries that could bring an avalanche of truth telling. . . . [They] do not engage in . .

. intentional delusion to be hurtful. On the contrary, they probably think they are doing what

is best for all: sparing feelings and dodging conflict that would threaten family unity. . . .

[But] the self-esteem of homosexual adolescents is ultimately harmed, as they conclude they

cannot be loved for who they really are, but only for the person they pretend to be. . . .

The casualties in this kind of family conflict are both sad and pathetic. . . . [A]dolescents in

pretending families waste energy in self-monitoring and self-protection.”218

Unfortunately, silence about important topics teaches children that avoidance is an effective

life skill.

Most people are painfully aware of the emotional energy needed to pretend any given reality

does not exist within the family.

37. What happens to families initially when children come out?



some families handle this news well, but most do not

those who are coming out are emotionally vulnerable

those who are receiving the news are often upset and overwhelmed

Though some families handle news about a family member’s homosexual orientation calmly,

most do not.

When children, whatever their age, decide to come out to families, they are in a very

vulnerable state because they are risking everything. Parents are upset, overwhelmed and

frightened. This is a very emotionally charged situation.

Family members may be in shock, may be angry, may withdraw or stop speaking. Parents

may “blame” themselves or each other. The parents’ marriage can be under stress. Some

parents become depressed. When some family members take different views than others,

conflicts can arise within the family unit.

Sometimes rejection is more subtle: families insist they are understanding, yet keep the gay

relative only on the periphery of their lives.

Gay people may eventually remove themselves emotionally (and sometimes geographically)

from a painful family situation.

Most families need and benefit from conversation, support and guidance during this time.

38. What happens when well-meaning parents initially reject their children?



some families hope that rejection will lead gay relatives to become heterosexual

long-term damage may be done to the individual and to the family unit

Dr. William Pollack, social researcher, a specialist in childhood development and the author

of Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, relates the story of an adult

patient, Evan, whose parents kicked him out of the house at age 15 upon learning that he was

gay.219 Though Evan’s parents let him come home a few months after forcing him out, Evan

says that “things were never the same.”

“My father,” Evan explains, “never talked to me and my mother told me over and over again

that in her mind I was just a ‘boarder,’ that I was no longer her son. I never got over this and

felt bad about myself for years. The only way I could cope was to stop seeing my parents at

all.’”

He continues: “‘My parents are old now . . . and sometimes they leave a message on my

answering machine begging for me to come home to see them. But as much as they want to

see me now, I just can’t get myself to do it. . . . [I]t hurts a lot.’”

Pollack writes: “While it might be easy to think of Evan’s parents as having been thoughtless

or uncaring, the reality is that they probably believed that if they withheld their love and

affection from their son, somehow he would ‘decide’ he was no longer homosexual. But

sexual orientation is . . . not a ‘decision’ that we can control or that can be changed by or for

our parents.” Because children may be especially vulnerable by the time they raise the

courage to discuss their sexual orientation, Pollack believes “it is critically important to

convey” to them, immediately upon learning of their feelings, that they are “still loved

through and through, that [their] sexual orientation will not in any way diminish how much

[they are] admired and respected.” This is what a child “needs most to hear.”

“To refrain from saying [these things] is to risk placing a [child] in serious emotional – even

physical – jeopardy. And to risk losing him, in one way or another.”220

While Dr. Pollack’s research deals specifically with boys, its message applies to families of

all young people.

We recognize the power of the need for a family to conform and fit into society, not to be too

different from others. People who have gay loved ones may initially fear that others will have

less respect for them or consider them inadequate in some way. These feelings can be very

powerful. However, the decision to avoid the topic for fear of “what the neighbors will say”

can be devastating to the family unit.

From Loving Someone Gay, by psychologist Don Clark: “Once upon a time, people selected

the most beautiful and talented youths of the community and ceremoniously threw them into

boiling volcanoes as an offering to appease the angry gods . . . . Some parents are still willing

to sacrifice their beautiful gay offspring to appease the god of conformity. . . . [I] feel

compassion for the parent who breaks the sacred bond and turns away from the outstretched

arms of a son or a daughter . . . .”221

While Evan’s family situation was a dramatic rejection, other types of rejection can be equally

powerful.

Gay children may begin to live as a second-class family members; less importance is attached

to their life, to their future and to their presence (or absence).

Antigay remarks may continue. The subject may be avoided or considered “off limits” and

completely dropped. The child’s friends or partner are never mentioned and never included in

family gatherings. Parents may withdraw emotionally or wonder aloud what they did

“wrong.” Gay children are frequently advised not to tell grandparents. The reality that the

child is gay may be carefully avoided in the parents’ social circle.

The wounds from outright rejection are painful and so are those feelings that arise from the

fact that one’s very existence is an embarrassment to the family.

39. Can these initial wounds be healed?



absolutely

many, if not most, families are very resilient

families can become closer and stronger than ever before

When children finally acknowledge their orientation, they often express anger and resentment

toward those persons and situations that earlier caused them to feel rejection, fear and shame

for something they never chose. But by acknowledging these experiences and honoring the

reactions of all concerned, by learning more about the issue of sexual orientation and

discussing it openly, a family can be transformed, no matter how many years have elapsed.

Many families receive help, either formally or informally, from other families, friends or

supportive clergy.

Dealing with this issue is not easy because it usually requires the confrontation of denial,

silence and fear on everyone’s part. It requires patience and openness to work toward healing.

But openness works more successfully than defensiveness.

Like all healing processes, family healing takes time. It does not happen overnight.

Those who unintentionally inflicted pain during the young person’s formative years have a

chance to apologize for their remarks and behavior. They will often want to acknowledge

their former lack of information and understanding. The member of the family who is gay has

an opportunity to extend generosity and forgiveness. Everyone may have said and done

things which wounded the other. Acknowledging and becoming accountable for this can lead

to healing and renewed strength for the family.

Healing and reconciliation can occur even after many years of estrangement. No one should

feel that their situation is hopeless.

40. What does it mean when a married person announces that he or she is

gay? Isn’t that a type of change in orientation?



it is a myth that marriage to a member of the opposite sex is “proof” that one is

heterosexual

some gay people marry before they come to terms with their orientation

some couples may marry for companionship rather than romance

some gay people marry hoping this will help them become straight

marriage may protect gay people from the hostility of society

Some gay people do marry people of the opposite sex, and it is a common misconception that

to be married is “proof” that one is heterosexual.

Some people may marry before they come to terms with their homosexual orientation.

Some adults, one gay and one straight, may form a couple to provide for mutual support and

loving companionship rather than for romance. Respect and mutual regard sustain these

relationships. No change in orientation occurs.

Some gay people, who have tried to blend in and appear as heterosexuals for most of their

lives may stop trying to accommodate themselves to the expectations of others and begin to

live openly. No change in orientation occurs.

A gay individual may also, under intense family or social pressure, decide to attempt living as

a heterosexual and marry. Antigay groups applaud such attempts. However, even among

families who promote so-called “conversion” therapy, it is unlikely that an announcement

from a heterosexual child that he or she is planning to marry someone who “used to be gay

and now is straight” would be met with much enthusiasm.

Those who marry in an attempt to assure themselves (and society) that they are straight often

hope that marriage will help them become heterosexual. This hope is not uncommon among

individuals who have been taught that gay people are marginal people and a disappointment

to their families. Those who enter into such marriages are not manipulative people who are

purposely being deceptive. They are trying very hard to do what society has told them is

necessary to do in order to be acceptable.

Sometimes a gay person will marry another gay person of the opposite sex in an attempt to

satisfy society’s expectations of marriage. These are known as “lavender” marriages.

Arranged marriages between gay and straight people also exist, especially among those in the

public eye. These marriages protect the gay partner and help him or her to develop a career

free from rejection and condemnation.

Bisexual individuals may appear to change their orientation over a lifetime because of a

change in a life partner. In fact, there is no change; the person continues to be bisexual.

There are many reasons why people join their lives together in marriage and it is difficult to

make generalizations.

41. What does the issue of sexual orientation have to do with Christian

education or Christian family life? What about family values?



every gay person is a member of a family

for some young people and adults in our churches, sexual orientation is an

important issue in their lives

many young people postpone dealing with fears about sexual orientation until after

their schooling

many feel rejected by their church and God if their religious education denounced

them or taught that they were inherently less worthy

Every gay person is a member of a family. The long-held societal perception that there are

families over here in this group and homosexuals over there in that group is wildly

inaccurate. Gay people are our children, our grandchildren, our brothers and sisters, our

cousins, our aunts and uncles. We are all family together.

The average age at which gay people come out to themselves has dropped dramatically over

the last decade. Today, it is not uncommon for teenagers to recognize their homosexuality.222

Some people know for years that they are gay before confiding this to a single other person.

Previously, when homosexuality was a taboo subject, the idea that a student in a Sunday

school class or a youth group would know (or later come to know) that he or she was

homosexual was unheard of. It was believed that teenagers were “too young” to understand

themselves. At the same time, we believed that teenagers were not “too young” to understand

that they were heterosexual.

We now know that some young people, especially teenagers, understand that they are gay and

that their homosexual orientation will inevitably be an important issue in their lives. This

means that gay teens are quietly and acutely aware that they will not participate on an equal

basis within the life of most churches. They feel diminished and unwelcome. Their inner

spiritual life will likely be damaged as a result. Young people who do not disclose their

identity are still acutely aware of their second-class status.

It is very common for gay youth to pray to God to make them heterosexual. There is a

widespread belief among gay youth that there is no legitimate place for them within the

institutional church (which, to many young people, represents God).

Bruce Bawer, author and journalist, states: “[O]n the night of the day I realized I was gay, I

didn’t say the prayers that, until then, I had recited faithfully at bedtime since earliest

childhood. Nor did I say them the next night, or the next; as it turned out, I didn’t say them

again for almost a decade. That’s how sure I was that being Christian was not consistent with

being gay.”223

The majority of gay people within most churches remain silent and invisible because they

realize, and with good reason, that they are not safe or welcome. Of course, which of God’s

children are gay has always been known to the Creator. But within the institutional church

that truth (and honesty about it) becomes a liability.

Antigay groups characterize gay people as a threat to “family values.” Threats to family

values are divorce, domestic violence, infidelity, child abuse, children having children, dead-

beat dads, empty or stressed relationships, lack of time together and substance abuse. These

are problems that we have as heterosexuals. Nothing is uglier than using the term “family

values” as a weapon against gay people. Discrimination is bad for young people and it is bad

for families.

42. What are the public perceptions of gay and straight people which gay

individuals and their families find offensive and/or ironic?



gay people and their loved ones are bombarded with unfair, ironic, and offensive

remarks and assumptions

Negative behaviors of gay people are frequently attributed to their sexual orientation, while

negative behaviors of heterosexuals are almost never attributed to sexual orientation. A

somewhat confused double standard exists.



Though divorce, substance abuse, control issues, infidelity and domestic violence are

continuing problems affecting the breakup of the family, it is gay people who are

commonly portrayed as the major threat to family values.

In spite of the tremendous support marriage receives from society, the divorce rate is

alarming. Yet it is gay people who are commonly perceived as unable to maintain

stable relationships.

Many who emphasize the crucial role of truth and honesty in society and the life of the

individual also insist that gay people lie about or conceal their identity.

We never read or hear the statement: “Mr. So-and-So, the heterosexual rapist with life-

long ties to the heterosexual community . . . .” In contrast, anti-social behavior of any

kind concerning a gay person will almost inevitably mention sexual orientation as an

implied cause.

Talk shows and magazines often feature heterosexual couples in all sorts of illicit

relationships. Yet gay people are seen as promiscuous.

Convicted axe-murderers on death row have the freedom to marry. Law-abiding gay

couples do not.

Gay people are disdained by many as one-dimensional and self-involved at the same

time that their desire to serve in the military and die for their country is rejected.

Some antigay groups become quite confused and self-contradictory when stereotyping

gay people. Sometimes gay people are described as miserable, destructive, marginal



people at the fringes of society. Other times, they are described as powerful, wealthy,

influential people who are taking over society.

People who would be appalled at the suggestion that people of color should “pass” as

white or that Jewish people should “pass” as Gentiles are startled or angered when gay

people refuse to “pass” as heterosexuals.

The “defense” of traditional marriage (the idea that the stability of marriage depends

on denying legal protections to gay people) is supported by politicians who have

themselves been married and divorced more than once. Which marriage they are

“defending” is unclear. Why the presence of committed gay couples would cause

them to divorce is also unclear.

Heterosexuals know in the depths of their soul that they did not choose their sexual

orientation. Yet many insist that gay people have chosen theirs.

It is a common belief that heterosexuals are well adjusted and that gay people, who

presumably lead unhappy lives, should be pitied and forgiven. Evidence that gay

people are happy and that they forgive their oppressors results, not in gladness, but in

anxiety and confusion.

Extremists who quote Leviticus and picket the funerals of gay people do not picket

restaurants serving shellfish and pork or strike against shopping centers which are

open on Sundays.

Many people who feel that one can always “tell” when a person is gay also feel it is

inappropriate for a gay person to tell anyone.

Gay people are portrayed as promiscuous and hedonistic. Yet their desire to

permanently and legally commit to one another is often greeted with outrage.

Heterosexuals have a life; gay people have a “lifestyle.”

Those who believe sexual orientation is a choice do not clearly explain why gay

people would choose a life in which they were maligned, denied civil rights, subject to

bias crimes and treated with contempt. They do not explain why a young gay person

would commit suicide because of his or her sexual orientation rather than just decide

to be a straight person.224

These ironies are not meant to disparage straight people or to call attention to the human

frailties that we all experience. They only underscore how myths and stereotypes often go

unquestioned, even if they are inconsistent with reality or common sense. Myths about

minority groups take on a life of their own. We have been told all our lives that gay people

are marginal, predatory, sex-obsessed, shallow, self-involved, promiscuous, and a threat to

society. Only recently have these sensational claims been challenged.

43. How can we interact with transgender people and their families in a

sensitive way?* (See also Questions #12 and #13)



in some ancient cultures, transgender people were respected; now they are often

scorned or hated

it is polite to refer to a transgender person in a way appropriate to his or her

expressed gender

every transgender person is unique

transgender persons who are not “out” may suffer severe consequences if they are

publicly identified

families of transgender people may experience confusion and fear and are in need

of support

In some ancient cultures individuals whose gender was different from the norm were

recognized as special people. Often expressing the characteristics of both the masculine and

the feminine, these individuals were respected as having keen insight into the deeper matters

of life, and so were often given positions of great respect within their communities. Modern

gender variant individuals have lost this status within the larger communities. They are often

treated with scorn and hate, even within the very faith communities from which they were

reared.225

Social attitudes about gender identity are evolving. As a result, an increasing number of

transgender individuals are coming out and making their true identity known.226

If a person is clearly presenting him or herself in a particular gender role, it is polite to use

gender references congruent with the gender presentation. You should use names and

pronouns appropriate to the expressed gender. Even if you know or you think you can “tell”

that a person is transgender, it is insensitive and disrespectful to refer to the person by his or

her former or birth gender. When writing about transgender people, quotation marks should

never be used around names or pronouns.227

It goes without saying that it is not considered appropriate to ask a transgender person (or

anybody else, for that matter) about their very personal life experiences, unless they clearly

invite such questions. Try not to stereotype or generalize. The lives of transgender people are

very diverse; a transgender person may have had experiences very different from other

transgender people of whom you are aware or whom you have met. Always remember that

many transgender persons want their transgender status to remain a secret. The consequences

Much of the discussion of transgender issues in Questions 12, 13 and 43 is quoted or adapted from the

following useful resources: Transgenderism: The Basics, Connecticut Outreach Society; Ann Thompson Cook,

Made in God’s Image (Washington, D.C.: Dumbarton United Methodist Church, 2003); Dr. Pauline Park,

Dignity for All Students Coalition Steering Committee, Gender Identity & Expression in the Dignity for All

Students Act; Reverend Dr. Erin Swenson, More Light on Transgender, More Light Presbyterians; and Jessica

Xavier, Courtney Sharp & Mary Boenke, Our Trans Children, Third Edition, Parents, Families and Friends of

Lesbians And Gays, 2001. We recommend consulting the original sources for additional information on gender

identity issues.

of “outing” a transgender person without his or her permission can be severe for that

person.228

Parents and families of transgender people may experience the same confusion, denial, grief

and fear for their loved ones that families of gay people initially do. However, because the

experience of being transgender is less common and more complex, those families may have

more difficulty and are in need of much ongoing support.229

An excellent resource for faith communities regarding the topic of gender difference is a

booklet by Ann Thompson Cook, entitled Made in God’s Image. In introducing the moving

chapter “Voices of Hurt and Hope,” in which transgender people speak about their lives, the

author writes: “Children and adults who are transgender or intersex, or live outside the

stereotypes of what society says is ‘normal,’ live in our communities; are found in every

ethnic/racial group; attend public and private schools; teach Sunday School, sing in the choir,

and serve as clergy; conceive and raise children; are poor, middle class, or affluent; are

someone’s child, parent, grandchild, grandparent, sibling, or friend; are frequent victims of

hate crimes; and have basic legal protections in only a very few jurisdictions.”230

“If you don’t consider yourself ‘differently gendered,’” she writes in another section of the

book, “it may be difficult for you to imagine what it’s like. For just a moment, try to imagine

the horror of sensing, from a very early age, that there’s something wrong or shameful about

your body; that you can never be fully known and accepted just as you are; . . . that if you

express yourself fully, you’ll be criticized, punished, or rejected [; and] that who you are is a

deep disappointment to those you love and depend on.”231

Cook reminds us that, like many gay people, transgender people often face condemnation and

rejection from their friends and family, isolation, harassment, discrimination in education, and

discrimination in the workplace.232

Made in God’s Image is a publication of the Dumbarton United Methodist Church in

Washington, D.C. It is available at www.dumbartonumc.org or www.madeinimage.org.

There are also community organizations and several national organizations devoted to

education and outreach. PFLAG ( Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) has a

Transgender Network. The advocacy group More Light Presbyterians also has resources and

information through the Liaison for Transgender Concerns. No one to has to be alone in their

search for understanding.

44. Are religious people antigay?



many religious leaders and congregations support equal inclusion of gay people

many gay people are deeply religious

most fundamentalist religious leaders do not support inclusion of gay people

The idea that all religious people are antigay is inaccurate. An increasingly large number of

Jewish and Christian congregations, religious leaders and organizations support gay people

and dedicate themselves to the principle of full and equal inclusion of all human beings.

Other religious groups are also increasingly supportive and inclusive of gay people.

Like heterosexuals, gay people come from families that range from deeply religious to non-

religious. Like individual heterosexuals, individual gay people hold beliefs that can range

from deeply religious to non-religious.

It is true that many gay people, raised in congregations or denominations that reject them

often may avoid connection with all organized religious groups.

The Reverend Peter Gomes, the much loved Preacher to Harvard University and the Plummer

Professor of Christian Morals, is an openly gay, African-American pastor. He is a Republican

with a conservative religious background. His decision to come out in 1991 was prompted by

antigay religious bias on campus. He was invited to speak at a rally, along with other

administrators and faculty, to calm the crisis situation. His openness helped many to

understand that religious people and conservative people may also be gay.233

Dr. Gomes is the author of The Good Book: Reading the Bible With Mind and Heart, which

deals not only with the issue of homosexuality (just one chapter) but with discussions of the

Bible and race, anti-Semitism, women, the good life, suffering, joy, evil, temptation, wealth,

science, and mystery. In it we can see that the issue of acceptance of gay people is an issue

which embodies questions about the authentic meaning of the Gospel itself. 234

Within almost every Christian denomination there is a formal organization that strives for the

equal inclusion of gay people within that denomination. A list of these groups appears at the

end of the manual. Our congregation is a member of More Light Presbyterians.

Increasingly, the public understands (in spite of what some religious leaders might present to

us) that ‘Christian’ and ‘antigay’ are not synonyms.

45. How does new information about sexual orientation affect church policy?



sexual orientation is innate and inherent in each individual

to treat gay people differently, we must believe God wants a category of human

beings to be denied equality

to state that some human beings are inherently less worthy is a radical departure

from the authentic message of the Gospel

the church has yet to confront the issue that it creates or sustains a second-class

category of believers

Discrimination is not a new issue for the church; the church’s history of discrimination in

matters of gender and race is easily documented. Before such practices were abandoned, the

institutional church maintained that its policies of discrimination carried out the will of God

and used the literal interpretation of the Bible to condone and justify its position. It uses the

same approach now in its exclusion of gay people.

Most people grew up with the idea that gay people are simply heterosexuals who have gone

astray or who are emotionally ill or confused. In reality, gay people are inherently

homosexual. Current scientific understanding of human sexuality means that to treat gay

people differently than others, we must now adopt a new theology: that God created a

separate category of human beings who must, by definition, be denied equality of opportunity.

The church has yet to confront this issue from this perspective.

Did God create a separate sub-standard category of people who should be denied equality and

a fully integrated life? This view (currently held by most institutionalized churches, though

usually not stated in these blunt terms) is currently being challenged.

One of the main functions of any institution is to sustain itself. There is a great desire in

many denominations to emphasize unity and avoid controversy and tension. We know that

confronting any controversial topic not only causes personal anxiety and stress; it also causes

institutions to fear losing members and needed contributions.

Many mainstream Protestant churches, including The Presbyterian Church (USA), publicly

and clearly condemn society’s discrimination against gay people in housing, public

accommodations and employment. This has been the official policy of our national church

since 1978.235 Yet, while our denomination condemns discrimination against gay people

outside the church, it requires discrimination against gay people inside the church.

Gay people who are in loving relationships may not serve as elders, deacons, or ministers of

the Word and Sacrament. Any person, straight or gay, who is single, must be living in

chastity in order to hold these leadership positions. The Book of Order serves as a reminder

to gay youth and adults that, should they find someone with whom to share their lives, they

will be considered morally unfit to serve the church. It goes without saying that heterosexuals

in loving relationships always have the freedom to marry.

Some Presbyterians are confused as to why the church condemns discrimination in other

organizations but at the same time maintains employment and service discrimination within

its own institution. (Those who are not Presbyterians question this as well.)

However, many Presbyterians and local congregations decline to treat other human beings in

this way. These churches, ours among them, continue to ordain all persons, known and

elected by the congregation, who are called to Christian service.

The ugliness, cruelty and absurdity of all discrimination are antithetical to the life and

teaching of Jesus Christ and the church’s call to support the worth and dignity of all people.

So many faith communities continue to struggle with the issue, because they realizes that, in

the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.: “True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it

is the presence of justice.”236

46. How do gay people and their families feel about the church?



those in supportive churches feel they have found a safe haven

in many churches, gay people (and those who love them) feel estranged and rejected

since this population is invisible, the reasons gay people and their families leave

may go unnoticed

Gay people and those who love them tend to be very torn about staying in an institution which

dishonors them. It is intriguing to talk to people who do stay. In local churches, where

families feel the support of a welcoming congregation, there is a profound sense of having

found a home and a sanctuary in a hostile world. There are none of the feelings of

estrangement, isolation and rejection found in churches which avoid the topic or actively

discriminate.

Just as patriotic Americans who deplore racism usually do not consider leaving the country

because racism continues to blight the nation, families of gay people may choose to stay and

help move the church to a more loving place. Everyone hopes for a brighter future. People

who stay in an institutional church that has discrimination as a basic tenet often do so because

they hope to contribute to the dialogue.

Yet, other gay people and their loved ones do leave the church just as others who reject

discrimination would not consider joining in the first place. Families, learning that they have

gay loved ones, who may not have questioned discrimination before, may now experience a

deep sense of betrayal by the institution. But because this population is so invisible, much of

this angst of coming and going goes unnoticed. It is not acknowledged publicly.

Because of the invisibility of gay people, many Christians are not aware of how much the

policies of exclusion have impoverished the church. Christians with great gifts and much to

give do not feel welcome. In fact, they are clearly not welcome on an equal basis.

As more and more people disclose their identities to loved ones, more families will begin to

seek information about the subject and increasingly question the church traditions which

dishonor those they care about the most.

47. In what ways have societies used different interpretations of the Bible to

“prove” a point?



in countless ways

The Bible can inspire and strengthen us; it can provide us with wisdom and hope. Throughout

history, readers of the Bible have relied on it to stand up to injustice, to defend the weak and

oppressed, and to fight for equality.

The Bible has also been used, however, to maintain political power and wealth, wage wars,

oppose science and persecute minorities.237

The following is a partial list of ways the Bible has been used historically to maintain a

particular position:

To justify slavery

To call for the abolition of slavery

To argue the superiority of white Protestants

To argue for the civil rights of African-Americans

To persecute the Jews

To define a subservient role for women

To provide sanctuary to political refugees

To empower and liberate the poor

To accuse and execute women as witches

To support the ordination of women

To oppose the ordination of women

To support the marriage of priests

To oppose the marriage of priests

To condemn remarriage after divorce

To condemn masturbation

To justify the physical punishment of children

To regulate clothing and hairstyles

To condemn the wearing of jewelry (for women)

To impose dietary laws (restricting pork and shellfish)

To assign guilt for disease

To argue the inferiority of black people

To justify discrimination against gay people

To support the inclusion and acceptance of gay people

To support capital punishment

To oppose capital punishment

To condemn dancing

To mistrust and persecute Catholics

To argue that Catholicism is the only true church

To define the terms of marriage

To condemn the consumption of alcohol

To permit the consumption of alcohol

To forbid work and commerce on the Sabbath

To permit work on the Sabbath

To justify prayer in school

To oppose prayer in public schools

To embrace medical science

To oppose medical science

To increase the political power of the church

To proclaim that the Kingdom of God is within

To justify war

To oppose war

To prove that the earth is the center of the universe (i.e. to oppose Galileo)

To prove that God created Man and the universe in six days

To exploit the environment

To protect the environment

To predict that the end of the world is at hand238

Some believers may use the Bible to condemn and oppress whole groups of people, but many

of those traditionally oppressed people have found their deepest redemption in the pages of

the same book.239

48. What did Jesus say about homosexuality?



Jesus had nothing to say about homosexuality

Jesus said nothing about the subject.

Those who use the Bible to condemn homosexuality cannot quote from the teachings of Jesus

or cite a single word spoken by Christ because Jesus never spoke about the issue.

Jesus never hesitated to teach and comment on the world of His day.240 He took strong

positions on divorce, remarriage, adultery, material possessions, hypocrisy, oppression, greed,

selfishness, class structure and the accumulation of wealth. Jesus never mentioned

homosexuality. Many believe that if God had something to say about the matter, Jesus would

certainly have said it.

Many Christians think it is ironic that some religious leaders focus so little on some of the

issues that deeply concerned Jesus and talk so much about an issue which He never

mentioned.

For Christians, nothing in the Scriptures supersedes the teachings of Jesus. There is not a

single word in the four Gospels, even by inference, about same-sex relationships.241

Exclusion of gay people is not based on the ministry or teachings of Jesus.

49. Does the Bible condemn homosexuality?



some believers feel homosexuality is condemned in the Old Testament; many others

do not

those who use the Bible to condemn gay people use a literal but very selective

interpretation of Scripture

historically, the Bible has been used to exclude and oppress many groups of people

seeking equal treatment

Christians differ widely in how they interpret the Bible to apply to many issues, including

birth control, the role of women, the right to remarry after divorce, the necessity to serve in

the military if asked, the role of individual conscience as opposed to church law, etc. In this

same way, some believe that the Bible condemns homosexuality; others do not.242

Some denominations (our own among them) reexamine and change church doctrines over

time. Many denominations are examining the issue of full equality for gay people.

Most people who use the Bible to condemn homosexual people rely on a literal interpretation

of the Scriptures. This literal interpretation is very selective. Passages which call for the

stoning of unruly children or death for all women who are not virgins on their wedding day or

giving away all one’s belongings to follow Christ are usually not taken literally. The Torah

alone (what we Christians refer to as the Pentateuch) contains 613 commandments, hundreds

of which contemporary Jews and Christians no longer follow because they reflect the limited

knowledge and understanding available thousands of years ago.

The Bible has been used to justify many forms of injustice throughout history, including

slavery, racial and religious discrimination, the annihilation of native peoples, the

subordination of women and, most recently, exclusion of gay people and apartheid. As C.

Ann Shepherd notes, “Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. used Scripture to inspire those struggling to

overcome racism at the same time others used the Bible to promote racial segregation and

violence.”243 Today, some Christians use the Bible to promote respect and inclusion of gay

people, while other Christians use the Scriptures to exclude gay people and limit their civil

rights.

Many great theologians have pointed out that it is not necessary to take the Bible literally in

order to take it seriously.

50. If Jesus never mentioned it, what does the rest of the Bible say about

homosexuality?



almost nothing

it is not mentioned in the 10 Commandments

it is not mentioned in the Summary of the Law

it is not mentioned by any of the prophets

it is not mentioned in the four Gospels

it does not seem to be an issue in the early churches

there are two references in the Holiness Code (in Leviticus): this Code maintains

religious rituals and contains the ancient laws that separated Jews from Gentiles.

remaining references to homosexuality include those to same-sex rape and

prostitution

these references to homosexual relationships do not speak about loving, committed

same-sex relationships just as other references to rape and prostitution do not speak

about heterosexual relationships

sexual orientation is never mentioned in the Bible



“Given the appeal to the Bible in the case of homosexuality,” writes Dr. Gomes, “one would

assume that the Bible has much to say on the subject. It has not.” As Gomes observes,

neither the Ten Commandments nor the Summary of the Law mention homosexuality; nor

does any prophet discuss it. Jesus does not mention it, “and homosexuality does not appear to

be of much concern to those early churches with which Saint Paul and his successors were

involved.”244

Biblical references to same-sex activity that do exist include: condemnations of same-sex

rape, condemnations of temple prostitution and sexual abuse and the regulations in what is

called the “Holiness Code” that are designed to maintain the ritual purity of ancient Israel.

The meaning of these verses in the context of our current understanding of sexual orientation

and in the context of loving, committed relationships is now being examined. Many believers

feel that these references do not shed much light on the issue of equal inclusion of gay people.

Dr. Gomes: “The biblical writers never contemplated a form of homosexuality in which

loving, monogamous and faithful persons sought to live out the implications of the gospel

with as much fidelity to it as any heterosexual believer. All they knew of homosexuality was

prostitution, pederasty, lasciviousness, and exploitation.” As Dr. Gomes notes, such vices

exist among heterosexuals as well; to define modern-day gays and lesbians in these terms “is

a cultural slander of the highest order.”245

Sexual orientation is never mentioned in the Bible.

51. What do we know of references to same-sex activity in the Bible?



same-sex rape is mentioned in Sodom and Gomorrah

temple prostitution is mentioned and condemned by Paul

sexual abuse of slaves is mentioned and condemned by Paul

the importance of “nation-building” is emphasized throughout the Bible

Israel was a small, tribal, desert community. Any and all sexual activity that did not

produce offspring was strictly forbidden.

loving relationships between persons of the same sex are not discussed

a Quaker perspective

During Biblical times, invading armies would attempt to humiliate the men (and kings) of the

conquered tribes by raping them.246 Homosexual rape was also a way of dominating and

degrading visitors and strangers. (See, for example, the story of Sodom and Gomorrah.) We

see vestiges of these brutal practices today in American prisons. These brutal acts of violence

have nothing in common with consensual intimacy between gay people. 247

Same-sex sexual activity is also mentioned in the context of temple prostitution. To the

horror of ancient Israelites, some non-Jewish tribes during Biblical times had male and female

prostitutes working in their temples. Paul later condemned these practices rigorously in the

New Testament.248 However, the subject of prostitution has nothing to do with loving

relationships between heterosexuals or homosexuals. Same-sex prostitution has as much to

do with homosexuality as opposite-sex prostitution has to do with heterosexuality.

Prostitution, regardless of what kind, is about exploitation and the selling of self.

Male adults in the Roman Empire commonly kept boy prostitutes, often as slaves. In modern

times, of course, this is rightly considered a criminal offense and an egregious form of child

abuse.249 This type of abuse was witnessed by Paul. It has nothing to do with religious and

cultural inclusion of gays and lesbians. (See also Question #15.)

In the beginning of the Old Testament, condemnation of same-sex activity was linked to the

desperate need of ancient Israel to increase its size and power. The Israelites were a very

small and rather defenseless agrarian group, surrounded by war-like tribes. “Nation-

building,” the effort to propagate and become larger and less vulnerable, was one of the most

important goals of the people. At risk was the survival of Israel. This is written into the

Scriptures: “Be fruitful and multiply.” It is unsurprising that anyone who did not produce

offspring would be considered less valuable.

For gay people, very selective literal Biblical interpretation, removed from its historical

context, has been devastating. It is still being used to justify the denial of equality and human

rights. Equally disturbing, it has been used to make some gay individuals hate themselves and

has blighted their relationship with God.

The Quakers use the Bible in a powerful way to examine same-sex relationships. In a

December 1999 statement a Quaker group explains: “We believe that sexuality is governed by

the same New Testament ethic that guides every other conduct choice for faithful Christians.

Responsibility, mutuality, love, justice, non-violence, non-domination, and non-exploitation

characterize what Jesus called the ‘Kingdom of God.’ How will sexual expression of love be

judged? ‘By their fruits you shall know them.’ (Mt 7:20) Does this relationship create an

environment of love and justice? Does it further the creation of loving and sustaining

community?”250

52. Were Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed because of homosexuality?



the story has been used throughout the ages to condemn gay people

the sex in the story is about rape

Ezekiel later clearly identifies the sin of Sodom as pride, idleness and failure to help

the poor and needy

many scholars (and Jesus himself!) believed that the sin of the city was a lack of

hospitality to strangers, a life-threatening sin in Biblical times

Here is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah:

Sodom was a city that God intended to destroy. It was filled with greed and materialism. As

the prophet Ezekiel later proclaimed: “Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom:

pride, fullness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters,

neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy!” (Ezekiel:16:49)

Two angels were sent to Sodom by God to warn Lot of the impending doom. Lot invited the

divine travelers to stay in his home. Ancient Judaic hospitality codes required people to offer

food, shelter and protection to people who were traveling. The people of Sodom did not obey

this code; they were afraid their possessions would be stolen by strangers staying inside their

city gates.

After the angels ate and were preparing for bed, the men of Sodom converged on Lot’s home,

demanding that the angels come out so that they might know (rape) them. Rape was an

ancient way to subdue and humiliate enemies. Protecting his guests, Lot did not allow the

crowd to rape them, but instead offered his two virgin daughters to the angry mob. (!!)

“Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man: let me, I pray you, bring

them out unto you.”

The townspeople refused and charged at Lot. The angels pulled him back inside the house

and rendered the angry crowd blind. The angels warned Lot and his family to leave the city.

The family was saved except for Lot’s wife who, according to the story, looked back and was

turned into a pillar of salt.

Shortly thereafter, the two daughters, fearing that they would never have children because the

world had been destroyed, tricked their father into becoming drunk and sleeping with them.

They each became pregnant and each bore a son.251

Some people want to believe that the message of this story is that God hates homosexuality

and plans to destroy gay people. This tradition is so strong that even the word “sodomy,”

which technically means anything but very traditional sex between persons of the opposite

sex, is derived from this story about the city of Sodom.

But to the extent this passage is about sexual activity at all, it is about rape, not

homosexuality.252 It also raises questions about the value placed on women.

Scholars believe that the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was inhospitality (refusing to take in

strangers, which was a life-threatening sin in Biblical times). The people of the town were

concerned mainly with themselves and their property, closing their doors to strangers

traveling through the desert.

Three thousand years later, when Jesus talked about the destruction of Sodom, He indicated

that it was destroyed because it was a place lacking hospitality. Dr. Gomes: “In the New

Testament, Jesus himself is under the impression that Sodom was destroyed because it was a

place lacking hospitality; we find him saying as much in Matthew 10:14-15 and in Luke

10:10-12.”253 In neither passage does Jesus mention the topic of homosexuality when He

refers to the cities; rather, he speaks about the lack of welcome and rejection of strangers.

Dr. Gomes: “What is revealing about all this is that nowhere in the Old or New Testaments is

the sin of Sodom, the cause of its sudden and terrible destruction, equated with homosexuals

or homosexuality.”254

53. What is the Holiness Code?



a set of specific rules and guidelines for religious behavior in ancient Israel

the Code was designed to promote cultural identity within Judaism

most contemporary Jews and Christians no longer follow most of this Code

Jesus set new standards for what it means to be holy

The Holiness Codes of the Old Testament, in which the two verses against homosexual

activity are found, were “rules designed for a very particular purpose in a very particular

setting.”255 They were a guide for the ancient Jews to help them build their nation and

distinguish themselves from the Canaanites, whose land they had been given by God. The

context was a listing of rules for ritual purity which would promote cultural identity,

protection, procreation and the advancement of Judaism.

The Codes contain hundreds of commandments which contemporary Jews and Christians no

longer follow or which prescribe behavior which is illegal in today’s society. For example,

the Codes mandate the death sentence for non-virginal brides, the stoning to death of unruly

children, the death sentence for adultery, etc.

As Reverend Howard Bess notes, “[b]iblical scholars agree that the Holiness Codes include

material that is cultural and cultic.” Workers must be paid wages on the day of their labor. A

cloth must never contain two types of yarn. Tattoos are forbidden. Horoscopes and mediums

are forbidden and use of them is named an abomination and punishable by death. An

unbetrothed woman raped by a man must become his wife and stay with him forever. Bigamy

is acceptable. Handicapped persons may not approach the altar of God. Those who shave

their beards or wear round haircuts are condemned. Slavery is endorsed, but not tolerance or

mercy for the vanquished. 256

In addition to a verse calling same-sex behavior an abomination, there are verses which term

other behaviors abominations as well. It is an abomination for women to wear clothing which

is traditionally worn by men. Eating pork and shellfish is an abomination. People who even

touch the skin of a pig (a football?) are condemned.257`

It is the admonition found in Leviticus: “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman.” that

is used to condemn gay people. The context of the prohibition (to separate the Jews from the

practices of neighboring peoples, to propagate and build up the nation of Israel, to have as

many children as humanly possible) is not taken into account. Nor is the fact that hundreds of

other commandments and prohibitions are quite naturally disregarded by Christians and Jews

today.

As observed by Bess, Christians “give priority to the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth over the

Old Testament. Jesus set new standards for what it means to be holy.” 258 He followed

particular Old Testament laws and openly rejected and defied others, “rais[ing] justice,

mercy, kindness, and love to new heights.”259 He taught that we should examine ancient laws

as to their continual purpose. For example, it was against the Law to heal on the Sabbath.

When Jesus healed on the Sabbath, his “sin” outraged the legalistic religious leaders.

To selectively choose to interpret literally a passage from Leviticus in order to condemn a

minority group, while ignoring hundreds of other passages, seems designed more to hurt gay

people than to seek the truth for all humanity. Many people find such selective interpretation

to be theologically unsound, intellectually indefensible and reflective of a prior prejudice.

54. What about the teachings of Paul regarding homosexuality?



the only references in the New Testament to same-sex behavior are found in the

writings of Paul

there are no references to the subject by Jesus or others who knew Jesus.

Paul wrote some of the most beautiful passages in the Bible

however, some of Paul’s teachings regarding slavery, marriage, and women are

deeply rooted in the culture of his time and his legalistic Judaic upbringing

The only references to same-sex behavior in the New Testament are found in the writings of

Paul. Dr. Gomes notes that the only form of homosexuality of which Paul was aware had to

do with “pederasty and male prostitution.” 260 He continues: “All Paul knew of

homosexuality was the debauched pagan expression of it. He cannot be condemned for that

ignorance, but neither should his ignorance be an excuse for our own.”261

Paul infused Judaic teachings into his own writings in the New Testament. Paul believed

Jesus would come again during his lifetime so he advised Christian men not to marry because

the end of the world was at hand.

He perpetuated the ancient place of women in the church, admonishing them to cover their

heads and keep silent. To some people, Paul’s writings serve as “proof” that women should

not hold office in churches today. He taught that women must obey their husbands.

Paul also wrote in Ephesians that slaves must obey their masters and do so cheerfully. The

obedient slave, Paul wrote, will find his or her reward in heaven. (These are the famous

passages quoted so often during the Civil War to justify slavery.) Slave owners were not

defensive about owning slaves. On the contrary, they believed that the Bible (and Paul)

taught that slavery was part of God’s plan for mankind.

Dr. Gomes: “Those who wished to challenge the morality of slavery found that they had to

challenge both the authority and the interpretation of scripture. They found also that it was

not as easy as it might appear, for . . . the biblical case for slavery was both strong and

consistent.”262

Although in other passages Paul writes some of the most beautiful and empowering words in

the New Testament, he also carried with him much of the culture and legalistic Judaic

teachings of his day. Paul, the great Apostle, was a man of his time.

55. When reading the Bible, how does one use the historical perspective?

(More thoughts to ponder about the Holiness Code and the teachings of

Jesus)

In our group we found that the need to examine our own beliefs and our search through the

Bible brought into great relief what we did and did not know about the Scriptures. This was

one of the most compelling and enjoyable parts of our journey.

We found that, in seeking isolated verses as “proof” that the Bible supports a particular

opinion, one can find verses to support any view on almost any topic. We learned about the

importance of reading the Scriptures with an understanding of their historical context.

Commandments in the Holiness Code at one time served a vital function. All have their

origin in the early years of Judaism more than 5,000 years ago. They were deemed necessary

for the physical survival and propagation of the small religious community. The proper

cooking and storage of foods was not well understood; leprosy and contagious diseases were

common and lethal; any sexual activity that did not produce children threatened their very

survival. It is hard for us to imagine how difficult life must have been for these early tribal

people.

Contemporary Judaism has become one of the world’s most ardent proponents of equality for

all people. Tradition informs the religion, but interpretation of the Hebrew Scriptures (what

we call the Old Testament) is not taken literally or out of historical contest. The Convention

of the Central Conference of American Rabbis stated in 1996: “Consistent with our Jewish

commitment to the fundamental principal that we are all created in the divine image, the

Reform Movement has been in the vanguard for the full recognition of equality for lesbians

and gays in society.”263 Conservative Judaism has also taken steps toward the recognition of

gay and lesbian equality by allowing for the ordination of openly gay rabbis and by permitting

same-sex commitment ceremonies.264

To underscore the importance of using an historical perspective, we list the following as just a

few examples of commandments from the Holiness Codes which are not taken literally by

most contemporary Jews and Christians. In terms of our society’s current understanding of

the world, we recognize that many of the following are not only personally upsetting, but they

call for activity which is illegal in today’s culture.

On plundering and pillaging neighboring tribes:

These early laws included the rules of war for taking land and possessions from other tribes,

granting Israel the same rights as their neighbors to loot and plunder the homes and villages of

the vanquished.

It was unlawful to show mercy or kindness to those defeated in battle.

Slavery was endorsed.

On women and children:

Any woman found not to be a virgin on her wedding day had to be stoned to death.

Any woman caught in adultery met the same fate.

Hebrew parents were instructed to bring unruly children to the Temple where the religious

Elders were to stone them to death in public view.

Bigamy was acceptable as long as all the wives of Hebrew men were also Hebrew.

Women were not allowed to participate in worship.

It was an abomination for women to wear the same type of clothing that men wore.

A woman who was raped had to marry her attacker and could not be divorced from him.

On daily life:

Men who shaved their beards were condemned.

Anyone bearing a physical handicap could not approach the altar of God.

Anyone with a rash on their skin was to be expelled from the community.

It was unlawful (and punishable by death) to seek a prediction of the future from a medium or

by observing the movement of the stars (today’s horoscope).

It was unlawful to weave two types of yarn into the same cloth (today’s blended fabrics).

It was unlawful (an abomination) to eat shellfish and pork and it was against these same

religious laws to touch anything made from the skin of a pig (today’s football).

Commerce or work of any kind on the Sabbath was strictly forbidden.

The Holiness Code can be seen in the context of helping to sustain and increase the small

nation of Israel in a difficult and hostile world.

It was into this context, 3000 years later, that Jesus was born.

Ancient religious leaders felt that the observance of these laws was the only means of

salvation for a people of God. As a young Jewish rabbi, Jesus felt otherwise. He taught that

the Kingdom of God is within and that salvation comes through the grace of God.

Jesus taught about love, fidelity, forgiveness, mutual honor, and the qualities of the Spirit

which sustain and nurture all human relationships and our relationship with God.

56. How might families feel when their full acceptance of gay loved ones

conflicts with an exclusionary church policy?



affirming families see no conflict between the Gospel and equal inclusion of all

people

affirming families are optimistic about the future

Discrimination against gay people is not based on the teaching and example of Christ, but on

misinformation, very selective literal interpretation of the Bible and the antigay bias of

society. We see no conflict between the Gospel and the full and equal treatment of all human

beings.

On the contrary, we believe that those who reject others in the name of a religion based on

love do face a serious ethical dilemma. Intolerance hurts us all. When even a single person

must deny his or her identity or live a diminished life in order to be treated equally, we are all

diminished.

Silence, denial and exclusion are not our traditional Presbyterian values. They are certainly

not remotely connected to the message of love that Jesus taught us. As Christians we are

called to help the oppressed, not to lead the attack against them. Currently, gay believers are

often treated as merely “tolerable” second-class citizens; they may be invited to worship, but

are denied equality and wholeness. We have seen in our own families the effects of such

exclusion. They are deadly, far-reaching and long-lasting.

We believe that God’s invitation and grace come freely and directly from the Creator and are

not dependent upon committees, task forces or consensus within denominations.

It is very powerful to witness the age-old oppression endured by gay people break apart in our

lifetime before our very eyes. Typically, gay friendly religious people are much more worried

about the future and legacy of the church than their own future which, in spite of a

considerable struggle ahead, seems very bright.

We close with a favorite passage from Isaiah:

Is not this the sort of fast that pleases me

—it is the Lord God who speaks—

to break unjust fetters

and undo the thongs of the yoke,

to let the oppressed go free

and break every yoke,

to share your bread with the hungry,

and shelter the homeless poor,

to clothe the man you see to be naked

and not turn from your own kin?

Then will the light shine like the dawn

and your wound be quickly healed over.

Your integrity will go before you

and the glory of God behind you.

Cry, and God will answer;

call, and He will say, “I am here.”

If you do away with the yoke,

the clenched fist, the wicked word,

if you give your bread to the hungry,

and relief to the oppressed,

your light will rise in the darkness,

and your shadows become like noon.

God will always guide you,

giving you relief in desert places.

He will give strength to your bones,

and you shall be like a watered garden,

like a spring of water

whose waters never run dry.

You will rebuild the ancient ruins,

build up on the old foundations. (58: 6-12)

Welcoming and Affirming Religious Groups Within Christian Denominations:

Presbyterian

More Light Presbyterians: www.mlp.org

The Covenant Network: www.covenantnetwork.org

That All May Freely Serve: www.tamfs.org

The Witherspoon Society: www.witherspoonsociety.org

United Methodist

Reconciling Methodist Congregations, Affirmation: www.umaffirm.org

Episcopalian

Integrity: www.integrityusa.org

Lutheran

Lutherans Concerned: www.lcna.org

Catholic

Dignity: www.dignityusa.org

Baptist

Welcoming and Affirming Baptists: www.wabaptists.org

Seventh-Day Adventist – Seventh-Day Adventist Kinship International, Inc.

www.sdakinship.org

Unitarian Universalist An inclusive denomination.

www.uua.org

United Church of Christ (Congregational)

United Church of Christ also administers – the Open and Affirming Program

An inclusive denomination. www.ucc.org

Mormons (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)

Affirmation: www.affirmation.org

United Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Church

An inclusive denomination. www.ufmcc.com

Christian Science

Emergence International www.emergence-international.org

Brethren/Mennonite

Brethren/Mennonite Council for Lesbian and Gay Concerns

www.wbmclgbt.org

Quakers

Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Concerns www.quaker.org/flgbtqc

Evangelicals Concerned with Reconciliation www.ecwr.org

Within Judaism:

Conservative Judaism supports equal rights for gays and lesbians; welcomes them at

synagogues; allows the ordination of openly gay rabbis; and permits congregations to hold

commitment ceremonies for same-sex couples.

Reform Jews do not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation and accept gay and lesbian

rabbis. Reform rabbis may bless unions between same-sex couples.

Affirming Resources Within the Secular World

The following resources have information for individuals and families.

For Support and Advocacy for Families and Allies:

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays: www.pflag.org

PFLAG has resources for gay people of African descent, Asian Pacific people, Latino/a

people, Native American people and people of Japanese descent.

For Support, Advocacy and Educational Resources:

Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network: www.glsen.org

For Support, Education, Public Awareness and Human Rights Advocacy:

Human Rights Campaign: www.hrc.org

National Gay and Lesbian Task Force: www.ngltf.org

Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation: www.glaad.org

Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund: www.lambdalegal.org

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network: www.sldn.org

The Anti-Violence Project: www.avp.org

Amnesty International: www.amnesty.org

Southern Poverty Law Center: www.splcenter.org (monitors hate groups which target

minorities)

Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, www.glsen.org

ENDNOTES:

Bruce Bawer, A Place at the Table: The Gay Individual in American Society (New York: Poseidon

Press, 1993) 31.

2Adapted closely from Bawer, supra note 1, at 91.

3Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological

Association, 1999, at 1; Brief for the American Psychological Association et al., Amici Curiae Supporting

Petitioners, Lawrence v. Texas, 539 U.S. 558 (2003) (No. 02-102), 2003 WL 152338, at *4.

4Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological

Association, 1999, at 1.

5Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological

Association, 1999, at 1.

6Statement on Homosexuality, American Psychological Association, July 1994. See also Answers to

Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological Association, 1999, at 1;

Chandler Burr, A Separate Creation: The Search for the Biological Origins of Sexual Orientation (New York:

Hyperion, 1996).

7Adapted from Statement on Homosexuality, American Psychological Association, July 1994. See also

Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological Association,

1999, at 1; Ray Blanchard and Anthony F. Bogaert, Homosexuality in Men and Number of Older Brothers,

American Journal of Psychiatry, Jan. 2006, at 27.

8C. Ann Shepherd, Homosexuality: Common Questions & Statements Addressed, “Summary of Studies

of the Origins of Sexual Orientation,” 1998 (http://web.archive.org/web/20010616151758/hcqsa.virtualave.net/

studies.html). See also Kari Balog, Note, Equal Protection for Homosexuals: Why the Immutability Argument is

Necessary and How it is Met, 53 Cleveland State Law Review, 2005-2006, at 545, 561-71; Neil Swidey, What

Makes People Gay?, Boston Globe Magazine, Aug. 14, 2005.

9Cathy Lynn Grossman, Anti-gay Prejudice No Longer “Permissible,” USA Today, Dec. 21, 1998.

10Womb Environment “Makes Men Gay,” BBC News, June 27, 2006 (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/

health/5120004.stm). See also Blanchard and Bogaert, supra note 7; Jeffrey Kluger, Born Gay: The Brother

Factor, Time, July 20, 2006 (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/ 0,9171,1209914,00.html).

11See, e.g., Kenji Yoshino, Covering (New York: Random House Trade Paperbacks, 2006) 48-49.

12Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological

Association, 1999, at 1.

13David M. Smith and Gary J. Gates, Gay and Lesbian Families in the United States: Same-Sex

Unmarried Partner Households: A Preliminary Analysis of 2000 United States Census Data, Human Rights

Campaign, Aug. 22, 2001 (http://www.hrc.org/content/contentgroups/familynet/ documents/census.pdf), at 2.

14M.V. Lee Badgett, Income Inflation: The Myth of Affluence Among Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual

Americans, Policy Institute of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, 1998 (http://thetaskforce.org/

downloads/reports/reports/IncomeInflationMyth.pdf ). See also New Study Refutes Myth of Gay Affluence and

Confirms Breakthrough NGLTF and IGLSS Research, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, May 26, 2000

(http://thetaskforce.org/press/releases/pr296_052600).

15Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological

Association, 2007 (http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbc/publications/justthefacts.html); Answers to Your Questions About

Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological Association, 1999, at 1. See also Committee on

Lesbian, Gay, & Bisexual Concerns et al., Just the Facts About Sexual Orientation & Youth: A Primer for

Principals, Educators and School Personnel, American Psychological Association, 2007 (http://www.apa.org/pi/

lgbc/publications/justthefacts.html#1).

16Adapted from Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American

Psychological Association, 1999, at 1.

17Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, 2007, supra note 15.

18Statement on Homosexuality, American Psychological Association, July 1994.

19Homosexuality and Civil Rights: Position Statement, American Psychiatric Association, 1973

(http://www.psych.org/edu/other_res/lib_archives/archives/197310.pdf).

20Adapted from Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American

Psychological Association, 1999, at 1-2.

21Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological

Association, 1999, at 1. See also Brief for the American Psychological Association et al., supra note 3, at *9-

*10.

22See, e.g., Brief for the American Psychological Association et al., supra note 3, at *26.

23What Mental Health & Medical Experts Say About ‘Curing’ Gays, Truth Wins Out, 2006

(http://www.truthwinsout.org/mental-health-experts); Positions of Mainstream Medical and Psychological

Organizations Opposing “Reparative Therapy” and the “Ex-Gay” Movement, American Civil Liberties Union

(http://www.aclu.org/images/asset_upload_file169_24717.pdf).

24Brief for the American Psychological Association et al., supra note 3, at *26.

25What Mental Health & Medical Experts Say About ‘Curing’ Gays, supra note 23.

26What Mental Health & Medical Experts Say About ‘Curing’ Gays, supra note 23; see also Brief for

the American Psychological Association et al., supra note 3, at *26.

27Fact Sheet, Gay and Lesbian Issues, American Psychiatric Association, Sept. 1994, at 1 (emphasis

added).

28Fact Sheet, Gay and Lesbian Issues, supra note 27, at 1.

Fact Sheet, Gay and Lesbian Issues, supra note 27, at 1.

APA Position Statement on Psychiatric Treatment and Sexual Orientation, American Psychiatric

Association, Dec. 11, 1998 (http://www.psych.org/psych_pract/copptherapyaddendum83100.cfm). See also

COPP Position Statement on Therapies Focused on Attempts to Change Sexual Orientation (Reparative or

Conversion Therapies), American Psychiatric Association, 2000 (http://www.psych.org/psych_pract/

copptherapyaddendum83100.cfm); American Psychiatric Association, Fact Sheet: Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual

Issues, Dec. 2000 (http://www.thebody.com/content/art32929.html); Gregory Herek, “Reparative Therapy” and

Other Attempts to Alter Sexual Orientation: A Background Paper, Nov. 5, 1999 (http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/

rainbow/html/reptherapy.pdf).

31It’s Not About Hope, It’s About Anti-Gay Politics, Human Rights Campaign (http://www.hrc.org/

Content/ContentGroups/Publications1/Responding_to_Anti_Gay_Change_Ads/agpb.pdf), at 8.

32Statement on Homosexuality, American Psychological Association, July 1994. See also Coalition

Rips “Cure” for Homosexuality, Houston Chronicle, Jan. 27, 1990, at A3.

33Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, 2007, supra note 15.

34Committee on Lesbian, Gay, & Bisexual Concerns et al., supra note 15. See also Jason Cianciotto

and Sean Cahill, Youth in the Crosshairs: The Third Waive of Ex-Gay Activism, National Gay and Lesbian Task

Force Policy Institute, 2006 (http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/reports/reports/YouthInTheCrosshairs.pdf),

at 74; Karolyn Ann Hicks, “Reparative” Therapy: Whether Parental Attempts to Change a Child’s Sexual

Orientation Can Legally Constitute Child Abuse, 49 American University Law Review, 1999, at 505, 514.

35Terry Wilson, Anti-Gay Therapy is Scratched from AMA Policy Books, Chicago Tribune, Dec. 23,

1994, at 2. See also Positions of Mainstream Medical and Psychological Organizations Opposing “Reparative

Therapy” and the “Ex-Gay” Movement, supra note 23.

36Committee on Lesbian, Gay, & Bisexual Concerns et al., Just the Facts About Sexual Orientation &

Youth, supra note 15.

37Arthur Lipkin, Understanding Homosexuality, Changing Schools, A Text For Teachers, Counselors,

and Administrators (Boulder, Colorado: Westview Press, Perseus Books Group, 1999) 73.

38Mark Pope, Statement on Sexual Orientation and Conversion Therapies, Dignity USA

(http://www.dignityusa.org/pdf/markpope.pdf).

39Former “Ex-Gay” Leaders Apologize For “Bringing Harm,” Associated Press, June 28, 2007

(http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/06/062807exodus.htm).

40Ex-Gay Ministry Collapses in Britain, Electronic Telegraph, Apr. 6, 2001; Ex-Gay Movement Takes

Another Hit, Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, Feb. 5, 2001 (http://www.glaad.org/publications/

archive_detail.php?id=384); Karen Poetker, Queer cure? Hetero-Normativity and the Ex-Gay Movement, The

Manitoban, Nov. 28, 2001 (http://www.themanitoban.com/2001-2002/1128/features_index.shtml).

41Colette M. Jenkins, Ministry Helping Gays Keep Faith, Akron Beacon Journal, May 31, 2003, at A8.

See also Jeremy Marks, My Spiritual Journey, Courage, Aug. 2006 (http://www.courage.org.uk/

articles/article.asp?id=65).

42Leroy Aarons, Prayers for Bobby: A Mother’s Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son

(New York: Harper Collins Publishers, 1995); Charles Harmon, American Library Association, Booklist, June 1,

1995.

43Aarons, supra note 42, at 57. See also Lipkin, supra note 37, at 154.

44C. Ann Shepherd, Homosexuality: Common Questions & Statements Addressed, “How many gay

people are there?,” 1999 (http://web.archive.org/web/20010607075310/hcqsa.virtualave.net/index.html).

45Robert T. Michael, John H. Gagnon, Edward O. Laumann, and Gina Kolata, Sex in America: A

Definitive Survey (New York: Warner Books, 1995) 173-76.

46Michael et al., supra note 45, at 32.

47Shepherd, “How many gay people are there?,” supra note 44.

48CNN.com Election Results, 2004 (http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2004/pages/results/states/US/

P/00/epolls.0.html); CNN.com Election 2000, 2000 (http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2000/results/index.

epolls.html); Robert Dreyfus, The Double-Edge Wedge, American Prospect, Aug. 28, 2000, at 24; John Leland,

Shades of Gay, Newsweek, Mar. 20, 2000, at 49.

49Adapted from Shepherd, “How many gay people are there?,” supra note 44.

50Anna Quindlen, Public & Private: The Power of One, New York Times, Apr. 28, 1993, at A21.

51Bruce Bagemihl, Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity (New York:

St. Martin’s Press, 1999) 12, 265-640. See also Brief for the American Psychological Association et al., supra

note 3, at *8; Eric Marcus, Is It A Choice? Answers to 300 of the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gay

and Lesbian People (New York: HarperCollins, 1999.) 19.

52Marcus, supra note 51, at 19.

53Bagemihl, supra note 51.

54Bagemihl, supra note 51, at 12.

55Editorial Reviews, Book Description, A Publishers Weekly Best Book, One of the New York Public

Library’s “25 Books to Remember” for 1999, Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Biological-Exuberance-

Homosexuality-Natural-Diversity/dp/product-description/0312192398).

56Editorial Reviews, Kirkus Reviews, Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Biological-Exuberance-

Homosexuality-Natural-Diversity/dp/product-description/0312192398).

57Bagemihl, supra note 51, at 87.

58Bagemihl, supra note 51, at 103.

59Bagemihl supra note 51, at 105.

60Adapted from Lipkin, supra note 37, at 42.

61Nicholas D. Kristof, Lovers Under the Skin, New York Times, Dec. 3, 2003, at A31.

62Kristof, supra note 61, at A31.

63Kristof, supra note 61, at A31.

64Kristof, supra note 61, at A31.

65Robert Aldrich and Garry Wotherspoon (eds.), Who’s Who: In Gay and Lesbian History from

Antiquity to World War II (New York: Routledge, 2002); Unofficial List Of Famous/Distinguished Gays In

His/Herstory, ChristianGays.com (http://christiangays.com/articles/famous.shtml).

66Jessica Xavier, Courtney Sharp and Mary Boenke, Our Trans Children, 3rd ed., Parents, Families and

Friends of Lesbians and Gays, 2001, at 3.

67Dr. Pauline Park, Dignity for All Students Coalition Steering Committee, Gender Identity &

Expression in the Dignity for All Students Act (on file with authors).

68Xavier et al., supra note 66, at 3.

69Xavier et al., supra note 66, at 3.

70Xavier et al., supra note 66, at 3.

71Reverend Dr. Erin Swenson, More Light on Transgender, More Light Presbyterians

(http://www.rmnetwork.org/downloads/MLonTG.pdf), at 2.

72The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association’s Standards Of Care For Gender

Identity Disorders, Sixth Version, World Professional Association for Transgender Health, Feb. 2001

(http://www.wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf). See also Xavier et al., supra note 66, at 4-5; Swenson, More

Light on Transgender, supra note 71, at 1-2.

73Reverend Dr. Erin Swenson, Correspondence (on file with authors).

74Xavier et al., supra note 66, at 3.

75Xavier et al., supra note 66, at 4.

76Adapted in part from Swenson, More Light on Transgender, supra note 71, at 2.

77Reverend Dr. Erin Swenson, Correspondence (on file with authors).

78Reverend Dr. Erin Swenson, Correspondence (on file with authors).

79Healing the Hurt Conference, Transgender 101 Workshop, White Plains, New York, 2003.

80Reverend Dr. Erin Swenson, Correspondence (on file with authors).

81Xavier et al., supra note 66, at 3.

82Randy Dotinga, Genes May Contribute to ‘Gender Identity,’ Yahoo! News, Oct. 22, 2003.

83Dotinga, supra note 82.

84Dotinga, supra note 82.

85Park, supra note 67.

86Ann Thompson Cook, Made in God’s Image (Washington, D.C.: Dumbarton United Methodist

Church, 2003) 13.

87Adapted from Park, supra note 67.

88Reverend Dr. Erin Swenson, Correspondence (on file with authors). See also Transgenderism: The

Basics (Farmington, Connecticut: Connecticut Outreach Society).

89Adapted from Kevin Jennings (author) and Pat Gottlieb (contributor), Always My Child (New York:

Simon and Schuster, A Fireside Book, 2003) 106.

90Adapted from Xavier et al., supra note 66, at 11.

Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological

Association, 1999, at 1.

92Adapted closely from Swenson, More Light on Transgender, supra note 71, at 2.

93Adapted from Xavier et al., supra note 66, at 7.

94C. Ann Shepherd, Homosexuality: Common Questions & Statements Addressed, “What is the gay

lifestyle?,” 1999 (http://web.archive.org/web/20010607075310/hcqsa.virtualave.net/index.html). See also

Michael Nava and Robert Dawidoff, Created Equal: Why Gay Rights Matter to America (New York: St.

Martin’s Press, 1994) 127.

95Adapted from Shepherd, “What is the gay lifestyle?,” supra note 94.

96Adapted in part from C. Ann Shepherd, Homosexuality: Common Questions & Statements Addressed,

“Aren’t homosexuals promiscuous?,” 1999 (http://web.archive.org/web/20010607075310/hcqsa.virtualave.net/

index.html), and Shepherd, “What is the gay lifestyle?,” supra note 94.

97Bawer, supra note 1, at 145.

98Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, 2007, supra note 15

(emphasis added).

99Sean Cahill and Kenneth T. Jones, Child Sexual Abuse and Homosexuality, National Gay and Lesbian

Task Force (http://thetaskforce.org/files/ChildSexualAbuse.pdf) (quoting M.R. Stevenson, Public Policy,

Homosexuality, and the Sexual Coercion of Children, Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality, 12(4), 2000, at

8).

100Cahill and Jones, supra note 99 (quoting C. Jenny and T.A. Roesler, Are Children at Risk for Sexual

Abuse by Homosexuals?, Pediatrics, 94(1), 1994, at 41-44, 41 ff.).

101Cahill and Jones, supra note 99 (citing A.N. Groth and H.J. Birnbaum, Adult Sexual Orientation and

Attraction to Underage Persons, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 7(3), 1978, at 180).

102Marcus, supra note 51, at 40.

103Andrew Tobias, The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up (New York: Random House, 1998) 9.

104Marcus, supra note 51, at 41.

105Bawer, supra note 1, at 91.

106Bawer, supra note 1, at 91 (quoting Joseph Steffan).

107Adapted from Marcus, supra note 51, at 45.

108Marcus, supra note 51, at 45.

109Adapted from C. Ann Shepherd, Homosexuality: Common Questions & Statements Addressed,

“Why do gay people flaunt their sexuality?,” 1999 (http://web.archive.org/web/20010607075310/hcqsa.

virtualave.net/index.html).

110Shepherd, “Why do gay people flaunt their sexuality?,” supra note 109.

111Adapted from Marcus, supra note 51, at 44.

112Brief for the American Psychological Association et al., supra note 3, at *26-*27.

113Melissa Fletcher Stoeltje, Gay Youth Are Coming Out at Young Ages, Grand Forks Herald, Feb. 27,

2006.

114HIV Prevention Strategies for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning Youth, National

Network of Runaway and Youth Services, at 1.

115Marcus, supra note 51, at 47.

116Yoshino, supra note 11, at 16-17.

117Adapted from Reverend Howard H. Bess, Pastor, I Am Gay (Palmer, Alaska: Palmer Publishing

Company, 1995) 144.

118Adapted from Annette Friskopp and Sharon Silverstein, Straight Jobs, Gay Lives: Gay and Lesbian

Professionals, The Harvard Business School, and The American Workplace (New York: Scribner, 1995) 208.

119The State of the Workplace for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Americans 2006-2007,

Human Rights Campaign, 2007 (http://www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=Get_Informed2&Template=/

ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=37414).

120Adapted from Friskopp and Silverstein, supra note 118, at 413.

121Friskopp and Silverstein, supra note 118, 412.

122Adapted from Friskopp and Silverstein, supra note 118, at 70-111.

123Friskopp and Silverstein, supra note 118, at 112.

124Richard Florida, Gay-Tolerant Societies Prosper Economically, USA Today, Apr. 30, 2003, at 13A;

Alexandra Frean, Manchester’s Bohemian Rhapsody to Wealth, Times [U.K.], May 26, 2003, at 4.

125

126

Adapted from Bess, supra note 117, at 141-42.

Aarons, supra note 42, at 201-02.

127Aarons, supra note 42, at 201.

128David D. Kirkpatrick, Conservatives Use Gay Union as Rallying Cry, New York Times, Feb. 8,

2004.

Presenting Alan Keyes, People for the American Way, Aug. 2004 (http://www.pfaw.org/pfaw/

general/default.aspx?oid=16725).

130Eliot Kleinberg, The Year in Quotes, Palm Beach Post, Dec. 27, 1998, at 5E.

131Falwell Apologizes to Gays, Feminists, Lesbians, CNN.com, Sept. 14, 2001 (http://edition.

cnn.com/2001/US/09/14/Falwell.apology/).

132Adam Nagourney, G.O.P. Candidates Criticize Slur by Conservative Author, New York Times, Mar.

4, 2007.

133New Hampshire Lawmakers Vote to Allow Civil Unions, PBS OnLine NewsHour, Apr. 26, 2007

(http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/law/jan-june07/gaymarriage_04-26.html).

134Hostile Hallways: Bullying, Teasing, and Sexual Harassment in School, American Association of

University Women Educational Foundation, 2001, at 11.

135Faggot, Online Etymology Dictionary (http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=faggot).

136Dyke, Online Etymology Dictionary (http://www.etymonline.com/

index.php?search=dyke&searchmode=none).

137David Kirby, From Soft Words to Hard Fists: Anti-Gay Rhetoric May Lead to Violence, The

Advocate, Nov. 24, 1998 (http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1589/is_1998_Nov_24/ai_53281834).

138Federal Bureau of Investigation website (http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cid/civilrights/hate.htm). See also

Karen Franklin, Anti-Gay Crimes Widespread, Research Finds, American Chronicle, July 3, 2007

(http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/viewArticle.asp?articleID=31228).

139Brian Levin and Bruce Fein, Q: Does America Need a Federal Hate-Crime Law?, Insight on the

News, Nov. 23, 1998 (http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1571/is_43_14/ai_55710740); Hate Crimes,

Operation Lone Wolf, Federal Bureau of Investigation (http://sandiego.fbi.gov/lonewolf/lonewolf2.htm);

Transgender Basics, Human Rights Campaign (http://www.hrc.org/Content/NavigationMenu/HRC/

Get_Informed/Issues/Transgender_Issues1/Transgender_Basics/Transgender_Basics.htm#f1).

140Tom Kenworthy, Slain Gay Man’s Mother Tries to Show Hate’s ‘Real’ Cost, Washington Post, Oct.

10, 1999.

141Aimee Dolloff, ‘An Evening Where We Can Remember’: On Anniversary of his Death, Community

Members Pay Tribute to Charlie Howard, Bangor Daily News, July 9, 2007, at 1.

142Maine Speak Out Project, 343 Forest Avenue, Portland, Maine, www.mainespeakout.org.

143LAMBDA Services Anti-Violence Project, Mar. 7, 1995 (http://www.lambda.org/

1994_national_rpt.pdf), at 20. See also Lipkin, supra note 37, at 4.

144Man Connected to Soldier’s Death Released from Halfway House, Associated Press, Oct. 26, 2006.

145William Kleinknect, Lesbian Teen’s Family Confronts Killer, Star-Ledger, Apr. 22, 2005, at 19;

Gwen Araujo Murder Case (http://www.gay.com/news/roundups/package.html?sernum=461).

146Judith E. Koons, “Just Married?”: Same-sex Marriage and a History of Family Plurality, 12

Michigan Journal of Gender and Law, 2005, at 1, 57 & n.388.

147Statement Read By Darrell Verrett, James Byrd Jr.’s Nephew, Mar. 23, 1999

(http://www.wiredstrategies.com/shepbyrd.html).

148Keith Boykin, One More River to Cross: Black and Gay in American (New York: Doubleday, 1996)

57.

149Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Letter from a Birmingham Jail, Birmingham, Alabama, Apr. 16, 1963.

150Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological

Association, 1999, at 1.

151Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, American Psychological

Association, 1999, at 1.

152Adapted from C. Ann Shepherd, Homosexuality: Common Questions & Statements Addressed,

“Why should we grant civil rights protection on the basis of behavior?,” 1999 (http://web.archive.org/web/

20010607075310/hcqsa.virtualave.net/index.html).

153See, e.g., Employment Non-Discrimination Act of 2007, H.R. 2015, 110th Cong. § 4(f) (2007).

154Romer v. Evans, 517 U.S. 620, 626, 630 (1996) (emphasis added).

129

Bowers v. Hardwick, 478 U.S. 186 (1986).

Joseph Landau, Ripple Effect: Sodomy Statutes as Weapons, New Republic, June, 23, 2003, at 12.

157See Todd Andrew Barnett, It’s Time for a Separation of Sexuality and State, The Libertarian

Enterprise, Apr. 28, 2003 (http://www.ncc-1776.org/tle2003/libe221-20030428-06.html).

158Lawrence v. Texas, 539 U.S. 558 (2003).

159Lawrence, 539 U.S. at 578 (internal quotation marks omitted).

160Lawrence, 539 U.S. at 579.

161Lawrence, 539 U.S. at 573.

162Nigeria Prepares to Vote on Bill to Outlaw Meeting Gays, 365gay.com, Feb. 18, 2007

(http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/01/011807nigeria.htm).

163Why Do Same-Sex Couples Want to Marry?, Human Rights Campaign (http://www.hrc.org/

Template.cfm?Section=Center&Template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=16761). See

also Get the Facts on Marriage, Marriage Equality USA (http://www.marriageequality.org/meusa/facts.shtml).

164John Cloud, 1,138 Reasons Marriage is Cool, Time Magazine, Mar. 8, 2004, at 32; Why Do Same-

Sex Couples Want to Marry?, supra note 163; Get the Facts on Marriage, supra note 163.

165Why aren’t civil unions enough?, Human Rights Campaign (http://hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=

Center&Template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=16762).

166Marriage/Relationship Recognition Laws: International, Human Rights Campaign

(http://hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=Center&CONTENTID=26546&TEMPLATE=/TaggedPage/TaggedPage

Display.cfm&TPLID=70).

167Adapted from Frank Rich, New York Times, Interactive questions on-line: Video Feature, “Frank

Rich Answers Readers’ Questions on Recent Cultural Shifts,” Question #7, Gay Marriage, 2004.

168I believe God meant marriage for men and women. How can I support marriage for same-sex

couples?, Human Rights Campaign (http://www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=Home&Template=/

ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=16763).

169The State of the Workplace for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Americans 2006-2007,

supra note 119, at 12-13. See also Kenji Yoshino and Michael Kavey, Gay Law for Beginners, The Advocate,

May 8, 2007, at 29.

170The State of the Workplace for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Americans 2006-2007,

supra note 119, at 12-13. See also Yoshino and Kavey, supra note 169.

171The State of the Workplace for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Americans 2006-2007,

supra note 119, at 12; Yoshino and Kavey, supra note 169, at 31.

172Yoshino and Kavey, supra note 169, at 31.

173Joseph G. Kosciw and Elizabeth M. Diaz, 2005 National School Climate Survey, Gay, Lesbian and

Straight Education Network, 2006 (www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/research/index.html), at xii.

174Kosciw and Diaz, supra note 173, at xiv-xv, 28-29.

175Kosciw and Diaz, supra note 173, at 47.

176Yoshino and Kavey, supra note 169, at 32.

177Ray Bagnuolo, “A Soft and Welcoming Place at Stony Point – A Model for Action,” Essays by Ray

Bagnuolo, Web Spinner, 2004.

178Laura Sessions Stepp, In La. School, Son of Lesbian Learns ‘Gay’ Is a ‘Bad Wurd,’ Washington

Post, Dec. 3, 2003, at C1. The discipline report is available at http://www.aclu.org/FilesPDFs/

mclaurin%20behavior%20contract.pdf.

179Lesbian Mom Appeals Decision Granting Child Custody to Convicted Killer Dad, Associated Press,

Feb. 3, 1996 (http://www.lectlaw.com/files/cur61.htm); Arthur S. Leonard, Florida Adoption Ban Upheld, Gay

City News, Jan.29-Feb. 4, 2004, at 4.

180Bottoms v. Bottoms, 457 S.E.2d 102 (Va. 1995); Bottoms v. Bottoms, 444 S.E.2d 276 (Va. 1994).

181Bottoms, 444 S.E.2d at 279-80; Bottoms, 457 S.E.2d at 105.

182Vivian Berger, Ban on Adoptions Hurts Children, Palm Beach Daily Business Review, Apr. 11,

2005, at 6; Barbara Bennett Woodhouse, Waiting for Loving: The Child’s Fundamental Right to Adoption, 34

Capital University Law Review, 2005, at 297, 326.

183Florida’s Gay Adoption Ban, Human Rights Campaign (http://www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=

Home&CONTENTID=18333&TEMPLATE=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm).

184Lofton v. Kearney, 157 F. Supp. 2d 1372, 1375 (S.D. Fla. 2001).

156

155

185

Ken Choe, Remarks at A New Era for LGBT Rights, Yale Law School Panel Discussion, Feb. 4,

2004.

Choe, supra note 185.

Lofton v. Sec’y of Dep’t of Children and Family Servs., 377 F.3d 1275, 1301 (11th Cir. 2004)

(Barkett, J., dissenting).

188Parenting, Human Rights Campaign (http://www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=

Parenting&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=26&ContentID=17907).

189Brief for the American Psychological Association et al., supra note 3, at *20.

190Parenting, supra note 188. See also Leslie Cooper and Paul Cates, Too High a Price, Updated

Second Edition, American Civil Liberties Union, 2006 (http://www.aclu.org/images/asset_upload_file480_

27496.pdf).

191Conduct Unbecoming: The Tenth Annual Report on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Pursue, Don’t

Harass,” Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, 2004 (http://www.sldn.org/binary-

data/SLDN_ARTICLES/pdf_file/1411.pdf), at 1.

192Conduct Unbecoming, supra note 191, at 2.

193Gary J. Gates, Effects of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” on Retention among Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual

Military Personnel, The Williams Institute, Mar. 2007 (http://www.law.ucla.edu/williamsinstitute//publications/

EffectsOfDontAskDontTellOnRetention.pdf).

194Devlin Barret, Congressman Skewers U.S. Policy with ‘Platoon of Lesbians’ Remark, Associated

Press, Feb. 8, 2007.

195Adapted in part from Survival Guide: A Comprehensive Guide to “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t

Pursue, Don’t Harass” and Related Military Policies, Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, Mar. 2003

(http://www.sldn.org/binary-data/SLDN_SECTIONS/pdf_file/19.pdf), at 14, 28. See also Leslie Gevirtz, Gays

in the Military Hot Issue for U.S. Candidates, Reuters, Jan. 19, 2000.

196Fact Sheet: Foreign Militaries Which Allow Open Service, Servicemembers Legal Defense Network,

2007 (http://www.sldn.org/binary-data/SLDN_ARTICLES/pdf_file/1904.pdf).

197Fact Sheet: Foreign Militaries Which Allow Open Service, supra note 196.

198UK Armed Forces Apologize for Anti-Gay Bias, The Advocate, June 28, 2007 (http://www.planetout.

com/news/article.html?2007/06/28/3).

199Randy Cohen, The Ethicist: Docu-Drama, New York Times, Feb. 13, 2000.

200Richard D. Mohr, A More Perfect Union: Why Straight America Must Stand Up For Gay Rights

(Boston: Beacon Press, 1994) 120.

201Adapted from Mohr, supra note 200, at 120-22.

202Adapted from Mohr, supra note 200, at 121.

203Adapted from Mohr, supra note 200, at 121.

204Adapted from Mohr, supra note 200, at 122.

205Adapted from Mohr, supra note 200, at 120-21.

206Adapted from Mohr, supra note 200, at 121.

207Adapted from Mohr, supra note 200, at 122.

208Report of the Secretary’s Task Force on Youth Suicide, U.S Department of Health and Human

Services, Jan. 1989. See also Breda Hefernan, “One in Five Gay and Lesbian Youths Attempted Suicide,” Irish

Independent, Mar. 5, 2007; Les B. Whitbeck, Xiaojin Chen, Dan R. Hoyt, Kimberly A. Tyler, and Kurt D.

Johnson, Mental Disorder, Subsistence Strategies, and Victimization Among Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual

Homeless and Runaway Adolescents, Journal of Sex Research, Nov. 1 2004, at 329.

209Leslie Sadasivan, A Mother Speaks Out, Remarks made at The Back to School News Conference,

Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, Sept. 10, 1998 (http://fly.hiwaay.net:8000/

~garson/sadasivan.html).

210Sadasivan, supra note 209.

211Kate Stone Lombardi, Facing the Agony of Being Different, New York Times, Nov. 5, 1995.

212Kate Frankfurt, Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, Remarks at District-wide PTA

Conference, Scarsdale, NY, Spring 1999.

213Kosciw and Diaz, supra note 173, at xii-xiii.

214Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, 2007, supra note 15.

215Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, 2007, supra note 15.

216Barbara Walsh, Turning Abuse into Tolerance, Maine Sunday Telegram, Jan. 23, 2000.

187

186

Stoeltje, supra note 113; FAQs: About Student Organizing, Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education

Network (http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/1876.html).

218Lipkin, supra note 37, at 181-182.

219William Pollack, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (New York: Henry

Holt, 1998).

220Pollack, supra note 219, at 226.

221Don Clark, Loving Someone Gay, (Berkeley, California: Celestial Arts, 1987) 195.

222Stoeltje, supra note 113.

223Bawer, supra note 1, at 125.

224These ironies are loosely based on The Heterosexism Quiz (on file with authors).

225Adapted closely from Swenson, More Light on Transgender, supra note 71, at 1.

226Adapted from Transgenderism: The Basics, supra note 88.

227Adapted from Transgenderism: The Basics, supra note 88; see also Swenson, More Light on

Transgender, supra note 71; Cook, supra note 86, at 13.

228Adapted from Transgenderism: The Basics, supra note 88.

229Adapted from Xavier et al., supra note 66, at 7.

230Cook, supra note 86, at 14.

231Cook, supra note 86, at 3.

232Cook, supra note 86, at 3.

233Dr. Peter J. Gomes, The Good Book: Reading the Bible with Mind and Heart (New York: William

Morrow and Company, Inc., 1996) 164.

234Gomes, supra note 233.

235Presbyterian 101, A General Guide to the Facts About the PCUSA, Homosexuality, The Legal Rights

of Gay Men and Lesbians in Society, The Presbyterian Church (USA) (http://www.pcusa.org/101/101-

homosexual.htm).

236Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Letter from a Birmingham Jail, Birmingham, Alabama, Apr. 16, 1963.

237Adapted from Jim Hill and Rand Cheadle, The Bible Tells Me So: Uses and Abuses of Holy

Scripture (New York: Anchor Books/Doubleday, 1996) ix.

238Adapted from Hill and Cheadle, supra note 237, at 132-146.

239Adapted from Hill and Cheadle, supra note 237, at ix.

240Adapted from Bess, supra note 117, at 81.

241Adapted from Bess, supra note 117, at 81.

242Adapted from C. Ann Shepherd, Homosexuality: Common Questions & Statements Addressed,

“Doesn’t the Bible Condemn Homosexuality?,” 1999 (http://web.archive.org/web/20010607075310/

hcqsa.virtualave.net/index.html).

243Adapted from Shepherd, “Doesn’t the Bible Condemn Homosexuality?,” supra note 242.

244Gomes, supra note 233, at 147.

245Gomes, supra note 233, at 162 (emphasis added).

246Adapted in part from B.A. Robinson,, The Bible and Homosexuality: An Introduction, Ontario

Consultants on Religious Tolerance, 2006 (http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_bibi.htm).

247Adapted in part from Robinson, supra note 246.

248Adapted in part from Robinson, supra note 246; see also Bess, supra note 117, at 85.

249Adapted from Robinson, supra note 246.

250A Statement by the Board of Directors, American Friends Service Committee, Nov. 7, 1999

(http://www.afsc.org/lgbt/sexual-identity.htm).

251Summary adapted in part from C. Ann Shepherd, The Bible and Homosexuality, 1998

(http://www.pflagdetroit.org/bibleandhomosexuality.html).

252Bess, supra note 117, at 82.

253Gomes, supra note 233, at 152.

254Gomes, supra note 233, at 152. See also Ken Coulter (Bob Ellis, ed.), Dispelling the Myth, Logos

Ministries (http://www.bob0961.com/DispellingTheMyth.doc).

255Gomes, supra note 233, at 153.

256Bess, supra note 117, at 83.

257Adapted from Bess, supra note 117, at 83.

258Bess, supra note 117, at 84.

217

Bess, supra note 117, at 84.

Gomes, supra note 233, at 158.

261Gomes, supra note 233, at 158.

262Gomes, supra note 233, at 92-93 (emphasis added).

263Ask the Rabbi, Frequently Asked Questions, Union for Reform Judaism (http://urj.org/ask/

homosexuality) (internal quotation marks omitted).

264Gay Sex Wrong, Gay Rabbis, Commitment Ceremonies OK Conservative Jews Decide, 365gay.com,

Dec. 6, 2006 (http://www.365gay.com/Newscon06/12/120606conserv.htm).

260

259

A Note on Authorship

The Blue Book is primarily the work of members of The Presbyterian Church of Mt. Kisco,

New York. Some passages, however, are based, to varying degrees, on other resources

on the subject. These resources are listed in the endnotes. An endnote beginning with the

phrase “Adapted from . . . ” indicates that we may have borrowed the structure and/or

some of the wording from the original source. We have limited the language borrowed

directly from other sources, however, in order to protect the copyrights of the original authors

and publishers. Readers with concerns regarding citation or copyright issues are asked to

NY, 10549.

For more information on the issues discussed in this booklet, we strongly recommend

referring to the cited sources. Works by the following authors – who are cited in the endnotes

– were particularly useful in the development of The Blue Book: the American Psychological

Association; Bruce Bawer; Howard Bess; Keith Boykin; Ann Thompson Cook; Annette

Friskopp and Sharon Silverstein; Peter Gomes; Jim Hill and Rand Cheadle; Kevin Jennings;

Arthur Lipkin; Eric Marcus; Richard D. Mohr; William Pollack; B. A. Robinson; C. Ann

Shepherd; Erin Swenson; Andrew Tobias; Jessica Xavier, Courtney Sharp and Mary Boenke;

and Kenji Yoshino.

Copyrighted: Spring 2000.

Written and edited by Karen Ellen Kavey. Co-authored in substantial part by Michael D. B.

Kavey.

Tenth printing: August 2007.

We request that any reproduction of this booklet be done utilizing an untitled blue cover and a

binder and not add or delete any information contained in pages 1-87.

Others