This summer, I did the scariest thing possible for someone working in education policy: I went back into the classroom to work as a teacher. In between lesson plans, data analysis, and parent-teacher conferences, the entire school took a group picture to commemorate the students’ hard work. Scrunched together, several of the older boys began to lie on one another, each resting his head on the lower waist of the boy behind him. There was nothing sexual about their head placement, until one of the male teachers reminded the boys that they were “acting gay” and that this type of behavior would be punished if it continued.
Continue reading ‘Straightening Up’ the Classroom
Tag Archives: growing up gay in a small town
Loss of Religion and Faith
I’m usually a happy Agnostic with Christian leanings. I celebrate Christmas, I celebrate Easter. I listen to Palestrina’s and Bach’s sacred masses on my iTunes and I am a sucker for Gregorian chant. I pray sometimes. I love old churches and cathedrals, especially getting to sit inside something so majestic and massive. And sometimes I hate the entire thing.
It’s not even that I came from a bad religious background. Nothing about my indoctrination into the Church was in any way traumatic. My parents baptized me Anglican, but I was mostly raised in the United Church of Canada, an extremely liberal sect of the Protestant Church. Though at the time they were quite a bit more traditional, the United Church’s present mandate is that they are welcoming AND affirming. I have found it interesting over the years that in the face of the Catholic and Southern Evangelical Churches strongly resisting welcoming people from all walks of life and orientations to worship, the United Church has been the one church that has maintained a strong and clear stance. You are welcome here. God welcomes you here.
Continue reading Loss of Religion and Faith
Mother Of Young Gay Son Discusses Her Unexpected New Life In The Spotlight
Almost two years ago, a mother posted a blog on Tumblr about her then 6-year-old son telling her that he had a crush on Blaine, a gay character on the hit musical TV show “Glee.”
Within hours the blog went viral with thousands of people sharing the beautiful story of a mother’s love for her seemingly gay son.
Soon after, the mother began blogging for HuffPost Gay Voices. In the interest of safety, she chose the pseudonym “Amelia” and kept her identity — and the identity of her family — hidden. But their identities were practically the only thing she has decided not to reveal.
Since then, in blog after blog, Amelia has shared the experiences of her young son, now 8 years old and fully out of the closet, as well as her family. Along the way she has become a mother to many others besides just her own three children and when you look count and combine the numbers, her blogs have been read, shared and commented on well over a million times.
We caught up with Amelia to find out more about her incredible story, what inspires her, how her son feels about her blogging and more.
The Huffington Post: Why did you originally decide to put your story on Tumblr?
Amelia: Because I thought it was cute and my husband really liked it. I had a Tumblr I used to follow things I liked, but had never posted anything myself. It was convenient. I hoped to connect to some like-minded parents. In my wildest dreams I thought maybe a couple hundred people would read it.
When did you know that something incredible was happening?
There wasn’t a singular moment for me.
The first time was few hours after I put up the post. I was home from work, and my husband and best friend kept refreshing Tumblr on their computers and shouting out the number of notes the post had received… 7,000… 12,000… And I was sitting on the couch answering the messages in my Tumblr mail. I would answer 10 messages and 10 more would pop up to replace them. It went on like that for hours. It was overwhelming.
I kept getting overwhelmed over and over again as the days went on and blogs I read and people and organizations I respected blogged, tweeted and facebooked about it.
Honestly, it still happens all the time. Whenever someone I don’t know has read something I have written, I am shocked. Noah Michelson [Editor of HuffPost Gay Voices, who is responsible for bringing Amelia on as a blogger for the site] is fond of telling me I have no perspective [of how influential my blogs are] and I think that is true. But I think it is a good thing. My headspace needs to be occupied with being a mother, wife and partner. I don’t think I could write if it wasn’t. It would be too big.
Do you have a background in writing? Did you always consider writing about your experiences with your son? What made you keep blogging?
Not really. I’ve played with writing and journaling before, but I have never been serious about it. I never even sent in anything for consideration to be published.
When I put up the first blog I thought it was a one shot deal. I didn’t even consider it becoming something I did on a regular basis. The children who wrote to me made me keep going. So many children were in pain and if their own parents wouldn’t stand up for them, then I sure as hell could and would. It felt cowardly to consider doing anything else.
Does your son know that you blog about him? What are his thoughts?
The evening of the first post when numbers were getting yelled out all night, my son turned to me and asked, “What are all those numbers?” I was stopped short as I tried to grasp for something to say. I finally settled on, “Baby, that’s how many people think you’re cool.” He liked that a lot.
We’ve discussed it more as time has gone on, but we try to keep any big hubbub away from him. The other day he described what I do as, “You write about how much you love me, and it makes people happy.” I think that’s pretty accurate.
You’ve remained anonymous to protect your family’s safety. Has anything happened that made you think you or they were ever at risk?
We have received direct threats toward me and my son. Talking about the threats publicly makes me really uncomfortable. Yes, it is part of what we took on as family when I agreed to keep blogging (and that was a family decision). It doesn’t change what I say and I feel takes away from the message of what we’re doing.
What has been the most incredible thing that has come out of this experience for you?
There are so many incredible things! All the incredible people we’ve met and get to correspond with every day… Really too many to mention.
But I would have to say the most incredible thing has been my relationship with Kelly Byrom, Lori Duron and Sarah Manley. They are all mothers who fight for children’s equality. These women have become some of my best friends. I count on them to hold me up on my bad days and I can’t wait to share with them my good news. The relationship is special to all of us because it is one of complete support. Even when we make very different decisions, we have each other’s backs. And there’s no jealousy or competition with each other. We are all excited when any of us gets an opportunity, because it all about the cause: Our kids. It’s truly extraordinary.
Do you have any regrets?
Sometimes I regret it when I don’t explain something well enough [in a blog]. But I don’t have any regrets about starting this journey. It’s been an amazing experience that constantly humbles me. Even when things get really tough, I don’t want to go back and undo it.
You recently revealed your face for the first time. Do you think you’ll ever fully be able to come out?
I think so. But that’s going to be my son’s decision, not mine. When he wants to come out to our readers, then I will, too.
Who in your life knows that you’re Amelia? Are they supportive? Have you received any discouraging comments from those who know?
Well, since the picture came out, a lot more. My family and friends know. The vast majority of people are incredibly supportive, but we have had a few naysayers. Some people think a child couldn’t possibly know he’s gay a such a young age. Since it’s been almost 2 years now, those voices are quieting. My husband’s family is more conservative than mine and there is the sense of “Why do you need to talk about it?” They think it is a family issue that should remain within the family. Our kid isn’t “an issue.” My husband and I both think that attitude fosters shame, which is not what we want for our kid.
We don’t have to deal with overt homophobia. We have stood for equality and equal rights since before we even had kids. People know where we stand, and if they don’t like it, they don’t talk to us any more. And that’s OK.
What’s the hardest part of being Amelia?
The knowledge that I can’t personally mother all the struggling kids out there that need a parent to support them… That I can’t personally hug and hold every adult that is still hurting from their upbringing and tell them they are lovable and it wasn’t their fault.
I know those things might sound silly but that’s what I want to do and just can’t. Reality gets in the way, as my husband reminds me on a regular basis.
What inspires you the most?
My kids, not just my oldest son but all three of my sons. They are these incredible little people. To get to see the world through their eyes is amazing.
At the end of the day, what — more than anything — do you hope people take away from your blogs?
Love wins. If we fight hard and refuse to let go and refuse to quit, love wins.
This interview was reposted from HuffingtonPost
Gay Grandparents: The Second Coming Out
Most GLBT folks came out once, usually to parents, brothers and sisters, and friends. That was stressful enough. Let’s explore the experiences of grandparents who have gone through or are thinking about The Second Coming Out - to their grandchildren.
Thalia Verros of Mashpee has three grandchildren. The oldest, Ellie, is planning to visit Thalia and her marriage partner Helaine Zimmerman, later this spring.
Thalia talked about the situation taking on a new urgency because, while Ellie has known since she was a toddler that her Yia Yia (Greek for grandmother) has lived with Helaine, Ellie is now 13. “We’ve always wondered what Ellie thought of our living arrangement since she has visited several times although she lives in Kansas,” she said.
I believe that whether grandmother’s “gayness” becomes an issue has a lot to do with what spin the parents put on it.
Thalia feels she has been lucky in that Susie, her son Paul’s first wife and Ellie’s mother, has always been very accepting of her relationship.
“Helaine gave Susie a few books a long time ago that dealt with the subject of gay parenting and grandparenting,” said Thalia. So with a visit in the offing, Thalia asked Susie if she had ever spoken to Ellie about her grandmother’s relationship and, if so, what had been her reaction. “The other question I asked was whether Susie would object to us having a nonsexual discussion about Helaine’s and my relationship.”
While Thalia thinks that it is important that grandchildren know this basic fact about Yia Yia, she also feels that it is right to defer to parents.
Susie’s answer surprised them and reaffirmed that there are good and thoughtful people everywhere - even in Kansas, where Susie was born and lives today. Here was her daughter-in-law’s response:
“Dear Thalia, when Ellie was 6 or 7, she said this after a visit to your house: ’Mom, do you know that Yia Yia and Helaine share a bed?’ That is when I began to explain your relationship with Helaine. I told her that any two people can fall in love - woman to woman, man to man - and that it is all right. We are free to love whomever we want and we should not be ashamed about that. Ellie says she loves you both and does not care that you are a lesbian couple. She thinks of Helaine as a grandmother as well.”
That’s the kind of “spin” any gay grandparent would love.
Ed Ford, president of the Boston Prime Timers remembers how different it was coming out to his two grandchildren than it was with his two daughters.
“For starters,” Ed said, “times are so different. Twenty-seven years ago, nobody had any idea of the impact that coming out to children would have. Little support existed, so I lived with the fear of damaging my daughters’ lives. Some suggested I wait until they were young adults, others thought talking with them early was the best course and many suggested not telling them at all.”
Ed came out at 37, following a difficult divorce. The whole process had produced an urgent sense of honesty in him.
“I had lived with this secret my entire life; now I understood who I was and wanted to be free of those shackles. I chose to come out to my daughters, Sarah and Jessica, when they were 7 and 10 years old, against the wishes of their mother.
“Over the years they have thanked me many times for telling them who I am, and helping them have a clear sense of what it might be like for their father to face discrimination.”
Ed’s daughters are now 34 and 37. “And they are exactly who I hoped they’d be - the generation that would begin to deal with gay issues in a different way,” he said.
While Ed’s grandchildren, Elijah, almost six, and his sister Marli, one and a half, are too young to have a deep discussion about Ed’s and his husband Gilbert “Lito” Arenaza’s lives, the kids did participate in their recent wedding ceremony. “To them we are simply Papa and Lito,” Ed can say with pride.
The challenges Ed has faced during this coming out have been about trying delicately to explain to the kids that the whole world doesn’t think being gay is so great.
“They live surrounded by the religious right, in the neighborhood and in school,” said Ed. “Fortunately, they have the mother they do.”
Ed had a story about his grandson. “When Elijah was playing at the wedding, he observed the guests and asked his mother, ’Are they like Papa and Lito?’ When she said ’yes,’ he simply continued playing.”
As Thalia, a former school counselor, has observed, “Children love naturally, and without prejudice.”
This article was reposted from EdgeNewYork
Is Being Straight a ‘Lifestyle Choice’?
If you are straight and oppose equality for gay and lesbian people, I’d like you to reflect on two specific questions. Firstly, when did you “choose” to be straight? Secondly, do you think being straight is a “lifestyle choice”?
Based on knowledge of your own sexuality, you may think these questions are totally ridiculous, or you may not even understand what they are referring to. Straight people are rarely asked such questions, and it explains, in part, why a video exploring the topic recently went viral online, garnering millions of views.
Frustratingly, gay and lesbian people are repeatedly subjected to this bizarre line of questioning (about our sexuality), both in our day-to-day lives and in our quest for equality at a political and societal level. Not only is this notion that people choose to be gay or lesbian totally absurd, but it demonstrates a lack of understanding of two different components of human sexuality: sexual orientation and sexual behavior.
Continue reading Is Being Straight a ‘Lifestyle Choice’?
LGBT Americans Feel Growing Acceptance
The vast majority of LGBT Americans feel that society has become more accepting of them in the last decade, yet many still feel stigmatized, according to a survey released Thursday from the non-partisan Pew Research Center.
In the survey, conducted online among 1,197 self-identified gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender adults, 92 percent of respondents said they feel society has become more accepting in the past decade, and the same percent said society will be more accepting in another 10 years.
But only 19 percent of LGBT adults said they experience “a lot” of social acceptance, and 53 percent said there continues to be “a lot” of discrimination against LGBT people. About 39 percent said that at some point in their lives, they were rejected by a family member or close friend because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Thirty percent said they have been physically attacked or threatened and 21 percent said they have been treated unfairly by an employer.
Continue reading LGBT Americans Feel Growing Acceptance
To Christian Parents of Gay Children
You want to shove those words back in and put the lid on. But you can’t. Your child is gay. This goes against everything you’ve been taught. It was not what you had in mind, and you instantly wonder where you went wrong.
When you become a parent, you know to expect the unexpected. But for most Christian parents, nothing can prepare them to hear that their beloved child is gay. This is the child you have cradled, spoon fed mashed bananas, and dreamed a beautiful future for. How could this be? What will the church say? What will your friends say? What does the future hold? You can’t even get your head around this.
If you are a Christian parent, family member or friend to whom your loved one has come out as gay or lesbian, then this is for you. I invite you to sit down, relax, maybe get a cup of tea, and soak in what I’m about to tell you. My hope is to guide you as we walk for a bit through this maze of confusion, to help you find your way to wholeness.
In most Christian circles, this is not good news, and you may begin to spiral into reflection and self-searching. We’ll get to that. But at the bottom of it all, this is not about you. Most parents’ first mistake is to make it about them instead of about their son or daughter.
So let’s talk about some of the major stumbling blocks for Christian parents.
- This is not an offense against you. This is not something your child did to you. They did not “choose gayness” to rebel against you, get back at you or make your life miserable. In fact, it really has nothing do with you. You did not cause this; it’s not a failure on your part. As a younger Christian, taught that homosexuality is a sin, I believed that trauma somewhere in someone’s past caused homosexuality, even if they didn’t remember it. To my surprise, God completely shifted my understanding and revealed to me the many people who had a great childhood and are still gay. He also reminded me of the many straight people who had traumatic childhoods, yet remained straight. Your expectations may lay shattered at your feet. But those are your expectations for your child. Quite simply, they may not God’s expectations. Ask God to replace your vision for your child with His.
- This orientation is not news to your child. They likely did not tell you the first time they noticed their same-sex attraction. In fact, they have probably lived with this quite a long time. They had to discover how true it was. They had to watch other young teens grow into puberty, and realize they weren’t developing the same feelings. Perhaps they dated the opposite gender to see if passion might develop, and yet none did. By the time they come out to you, they are pretty sure of what they’re saying. You may have to work through a slate of brand new emotions about this, and your emotions will affect them, but theirs are not brand new. Do not ask them if they are sure, if maybe they want to take a little time and see what happens. Instead, consider the journey they have been through. Ask them things like, “When did you know?” “How long have you felt this way?” and tell them how you are grateful that they are including you, that they don’t have to go through this alone anymore.
- Now is a key time to embrace your child. Imagine for a moment the courage it took to tell you about their sexuality, especially when they know it seems to contradict your core beliefs. In this moment, your child needs to know he did the right thing by telling you. You may flood with fear, doubt, anger, grief, disappointment, shame, anguish or guilt, but do not let those hinder you from expressing your unconditional love and admiration for your child. Your child will have their own list of emotions to deal with; don’t hand them yours. Give yourself time to process all of your own emotions. Be kind to yourself and your child through this.
- They were terrified to tell you. The risk they took is very real. Some gay teens have been shamed, banished, threatened, beaten, and shunned. They know that once it is said, it cannot be unsaid. They took this chance either because they trusted you and hoped for the best, or because they could not stand to live inauthentically any longer. You have a strong child. Be proud. You have the opportunity to make the most of their trust and come through for them with the unconditional love of a parent. That’s your job as a parent and a Christian — to love unconditionally.
- Praying, wishing and believing will not make your child straight. If doing these things meant that homosexuality would not visit a Christian home, then we wouldn’t see it cropping up so often. I have heard countless stories of people who prayed without ceasing, but nothing changed. Picture with me the false faith-healers who pray to heal audience members’ maladies; when there is no result, those charlatans tell the poor kid in the wheelchair, “Maybe next time you’ll have enough faith to be healed.” Where does that place the blame? If anyone has ever been healed in that setting, it is God’s choice, not the one in the wheelchair. Has anyone prayed themselves straight? I don’t know. Meanwhile, countless stories of those who prayed, did everything right, followed every suggestion, and poured themselves wholeheartedly into being straight–only to experience disappointment and self-loathing. Your child does not deserve this.
- For teens, there are still many changes to come. Don’t panic! Let them discover themselves. What did you know at 18 that you feel the same about today? Come to think of it, sexual orientation is probably one of the few things you were sure about. Do not require a certain life path for your son or daughter at this time when the world is their oyster. Haven’t we yet learned how crippling it is to have to please someone else? Do not tell them that it is a phase that will wear off. Acknowledge how far they have come, that they have an exciting future, and that you will be with them every step of the way. If they discover that their orientation may not be what they thought, then they alone will discover that. Telling them you are praying that they change, or that they will likely “straighten out” as they get older, will only distance them from you. Worst of all, do not send them to “reorientation” camp. This traumatizes countless teens, cementing deep shame and self-hatred.
- Adult children are out of your hands. Even more than teens, adult children are beyond your parental authority. You have done your best as a parent, however flawed you were. (We all were!) You must trust God with this child you have raised. Embrace them and love them as a fellow believer–Jesus asks that of you. Do not shun them or take other action, which will only alienate you from their lives. Instead, look forward to the many major life events ahead, and be there for them as you wanted your parents to be there for you.
- Put other peoples’ responses aside. The opinion of your pastor, your Bible group, or your extended family are not as important as your son or daughter’s well-being. Put others’ opinions aside and focus on how God would lead you specifically. If you can’t say in your heart that your child is more important than others’ opinions, then seek the Lord about this and ask Him to restore your priorities.
- Bear your son’s or daughter’s burdens. Let the weight of unanswered questions and discomfort rest on you. You are not the one being pressured to change your identity. Your child has the whole rest of the world to navigate; you are uniquely equipped to help bear their burden and so fulfill the law of Christ, as Galatians 6:2 tells us. Your relationship with your child calls for that much. Don’t press for answers or easy solutions. As with other big events in life, get comfortable with not knowing, and patiently let God reveal answers in His timing.
- Finally, remember that we are not responsible to change people’s behavior. Not our job, even with our children, especially as they get older. If you think you’re going to make your pianist into a football player, give it up now. Jesus is not about behavior modification; He is about life, His life flowing through us. That is what grace (kharis) means — to let Jesus’ love flow through us instead of feeling obligated to fix everything. Your job is to love people, especially your child. Let God use this situation to show you what it means to love unconditionally. While we love others, God is at work in ways we can’t see.
This road is likely not one you would have chosen, nor initially welcomed. But if you seek Him, God will show you the beauty of the journey. Perhaps God has chosen you for such a time as this, to shine His love amidst all the anger and hate (even if your beliefs about it never change). Perhaps He will work through you to restore His name that has been so maligned to a group of people who need Him — as we all do.
God is good at giving us quandaries we didn’t expect, to rock our little tiny worldviews. He shakes everything that can be shaken until all that’s left is what is unshakeable. Cling to Him in this time, and He will bring about something wonderful — for you and your family.
This article was reposted from FreedHearts
A Mother’s Heartbreaking Tale of Losing Her Gay Son
The Religious Right hates it when we point out that their teachings are directly related to the problems of bullying,depression, self-loathing and suicide. We don’t point this out to be mean, or as a smear. We point it out because it’s true, but we also understand that many run-of-the-mill Fundamentalists truly believe they’re doing the right thing when it comes to society, the LGBT community and their own children.
This is the disconnect in messaging, because, aside from from Religious Right leaders who actually do know better, yet are motivated by obscene anti-gay animus and thus continue to lie, many religious people are hurting their own families and they don’t know it. Sometimes the results are tragic.
On a blog called FreedHearts, the writer shares a Facebook post from a Christian mother she knows personally, describing a journey that started when her twelve-year old son came out to her, and ended tragically just when she and her husband were finally starting to “get it.” She describes mistakes she made, led by her beliefs, which ultimately contributed to her son’s self-loathing. It’s such a sad story, because you can tell from reading it that she and her husband truly thought they were acting in love. This is a story that every Conservative Christian parent needs to read, and understand that yes, it can happen to you.
The mother describes what happened when her son came out to her over instant messenger, and what came afterward. I’m excerpting a lot, because it’s important. All emphasis is mine:
We were completely shocked. Not that we didn’t know and love gay people – my only brother had come out to us several years before, and we adored him. But Ryan? He was unafraid of anything, tough as nails, and ALL boy. We had not seen this coming, and the emotion that overwhelmed us, kept us awake at night and, sadly, influenced all of our reactions over the next six years, was FEAR. We said all the things that we thought loving Christian parents who believed the Bible to be the Word of God should say:
We love you. We will ALWAYS love you. And this is hard. REALLY hard. But we know what God says about this, and so you are going to have to make some really difficult choices.
We love you. But there are other men who have faced this same struggle, and God has worked in them to change their desires. We’ll get you their books…you can listen to their testimonies. And we will trust God with this.
We love you. But you are young, and your sexual orientation is still developing. The feelings you’ve had for other guys don’t make you gay. So please don’t tell anyone that you ARE gay. You don’t know who you are yet. Your identity is not that you are gay – it is that you are a child of God.
We love you. We will ALWAYS love you. But if you are going to follow Jesus, holiness is your only option. You are going to have to choose to follow Jesus, no matter what. And since you know what the Bible says, and since you want to follow God, embracing your sexuality is NOT an option.
Basically, we told our son that he had to choose between Jesus and his sexuality. We forced him to make a choice between God and being a sexual person. Choosing God, practically, meant living a lifetime of loneliness (never to fall in love, have his first kiss, hold hands, share intimacy companionship, experience romance), but it also meant the abundant life, perfect peace and eternal rewards. So, for the first six years, he tried to choose Jesus. Like so many others before him, he pleaded with God to help him be attracted to girls. He memorized Scripture, met with his youth pastor weekly, enthusiastically participated in all the church youth group events and Bible Studies, got baptized, read all the books that claimed to know where his gay feelings came from, dove into counseling to further discover the “why’s” of his unwanted attraction to other guys, worked through painful conflict resolution with my husband and I, and built strong friendships with other guys – straight guys – just like he was told to. He even came out to his entire youth group, giving his testimony of how God had rescued him from the traps of the enemy, and sharing – by memory – verse after verse that God had used to draw Ryan to Himself.
But nothing changed. God didn’t answer his prayer – or ours – though we were all believing with faith that the God of the Universe – the God for whom NOTHING is impossible – could easily make Ryan straight. But He did not.
Though our hearts may have been good (we truly thought what we were doing was loving), we did not even give Ryan a chance to wrestle with God, to figure out what HE believed God was telling him through scripture about his sexuality. We had believed firmly in giving each of our four children the space to question Christianity, to decide for themselves if they wanted to follow Jesus, to truly OWN their own faith. But we were too afraid to give Ryan that room when it came to his sexuality, for fear that he’d make the wrong choice.
And so, just before his 18th birthday, Ryan, depressed, suicidal, disillusioned and convinced that he would never be able to be loved by God, made a new choice. He decided to throw out his Bible and his faith at the same time, and to try searching for what he desperately wanted – peace – another way. And the way he chose to try first was drugs.
We had – unintentionally – taught Ryan to hate his sexuality. And since sexuality cannot be separated from the self, we had taught Ryan to hate himself.
These are the wages of listening to Linda Harvey. These are the wages of listening to Porno Pete. Tony Perkins. Bryan Fischer. Maggie Gallagher. Brian Brown. Run of the mill Christian pastors who preach against the evils of homosexuality. This is where that can and does lead.
Ryan is now dead. Having fallen into addiction and then moved into recovery, he made the mistake of meeting up with his old addict friends, thinking he would be okay. He was not, and now this family has to suffer every day without their son.
They thought they were being loving, but they had listened to religious leaders who told them that homosexuality was a grave sin; they had listened to the lies of the “ex-gay” industry and its professional salesmen in the Religious Right, believing that Ryan’s homosexuality could be “overcome”; they believed that the warped fundamentalist version of “holiness” was more important than “wholeness”; and in all likelihood, the people surrounding them in their church community reinforced the idea that what they were doing was right.
My heart breaks for this family. In the comments section at the source blog, I see a few comments from out gay people who are expressing anger at this mother. I would suggest that that is misdirected. She’s as much a victim of this ideology as her son was. No, please, direct your anger at the religious leaders of the world who would deny reality for the sake of their backwards religious beliefs, indoctrinating their followers to the point that it makes sense to let a family fall apart and to teach an innocent kid to hate himself simply for knowing the truth about who he is. They, who style themselves as “pro-family,” are the ones destroying lives, and it has to stop.
If you know Christian parents, send them this story. Even if those parents are already supportive, they might know parents who aren’t. This kind of spiritual torture has to stop.
This article was reposted from TruthWinsOut.org
Georgia Church Welcomes Banned Boy Scouts
When the Boy Scouts of America made the decision to welcome gay scouts, some religious groups darkly warned of a mass exodus.
While most major denominations have indicated their intent to stay with the scouts, Roswell Street Baptist in Marietta, Ga publicly severed ties with the Boy Scouts because of the new gay policy.
Yet across town One World Spiritual Center had the opposite reaction.
“We put the sign up after hearing that a couple of churches in the metro-Atlanta area had asked their Boy Scout troops to leave after the ruling by the national organization allowing gay young men and boys to join the scouts,” Senior Minister Rev. Stephanie Seigh, told The Huffington Post.
Continue reading Georgia Church Welcomes Banned Boy Scouts
“The Out List” from Timothy Greenfield-Sanders
On Thursday, June 27, HBO is premiering The OUT List, a film of intimate docu-portraits from photographer and director Timothy Greenfield-Sanders that follows in the vein of his well known projects About Face: Supermodels Then and Now, The Latino List and The Black List.
The film is a storytelling project in which Greenfield-Sanders’s subjects, a diverse swath of well-known and lesser-known figures in the LGBT community, speak directly into the camera and divulge intimate tales of their careers, activism, and pride, as well as details of personal discrimination they’ve experienced and overcome.
The film was produced by out filmmaker Sam McConnell, who also served as the interviewer on the project.
Continue reading “The Out List” from Timothy Greenfield-Sanders
When Teachers Tell Students “I’m Gay”
It began as a classroom discussion about families. First-graders at the Burr Elementary School in Newton, Massachusetts, asked teacher David Gaita whom he lives with. According to press accounts of the exchange, Gaita told the children that he is gay, and that he lives with a partner, “someone you love the way your mom and dad love each other.”
When a student asked if he liked being gay, Gaita responded that it was a hard question to answer, but that he was proud of who he was. That afternoon, students carried home a note from Gaita, informing parents that the discussion had taken place.
Newton’s school superintendent and many parents have thrown their support behind the teacher, commending him for the way he handled the situation.
“Had he divulged details of the intimate affairs of his life, it would have been inappropriate, as it would have been if a heterosexual teacher had done that,” Newton School Superintendent Jeff Young told The Boston Globe. “My point is, the same standards of discretion should be applied for homosexual and heterosexual teachers, and therefore the same standard of tolerance and respect should be applied.”
Still, some wonder: How young is too young to talk with kids about sexual orientation? Is the classroom the best place for such a dialogue to occur?
“I personally don’t think the classroom is the place to discuss sexual preference and personal issues, no matter what the students’ age,” says Susan Y., mother of five and an evangelical Christian. “Children should not be put in the middle of a highly charged controversy where their parents might takes sides against their teacher — their only other authority figure.”
On the other hand, some parents believe such classroom discussions are an opportunity to teach young children the value of diversity.
“I think it promotes tolerance,” says Jean M., mother of a second-grader. “My daughter’s only seven but we already talk about same-sex relationships. I tell her it’s a different kind of love.”
A Tough Call For Teachers
For gay and lesbian teachers, the decision to talk with kids about their sexual orientation is seldom an easy one. Joyce B., an elementary-school music teacher in the San Francisco Bay Area, thinks it’s “wonderful” that David Gaita answered his students with such honesty and directness, but would hesitate to do so herself.
“My experience is that there’s horrible reactions (when teachers come out to students),” she observes. “It’s not worth the hassle. I don’t lead a closeted life, but I just don’t want some irate father to be out there waiting for me in the school parking lot.”
On the other hand, this teacher believes, it is entirely appropriate for young children to learn what the words “gay and lesbian” mean. The key, educators agree, is assessing school culture and the reaction of parents before such classroom discussions occur.
At the Atrium School in Watertown, Massachusetts, the domestic partner of a first/second-grade teacher is expecting a baby. Headmaster Rich Perry says the school’s up-front policy of “openness and inclusion” has meant that the pregnancy is not seen as a controversy, but a cause for celebration.
“(The teacher) has said something to students like, ‘I’m really excited that we’re going to have a baby,'” Perry says, adding that the children have not asked any questions about how the teacher’s partner became pregnant.
“What Does Gay Mean?” Tips for Talking with Young Kids
It’s ironic: While parents are usually more concerned about younger children’s exposure to homosexuality, little kids are less likely to grasp what it means than older students are. Some suggestions for parents from Eleanora Villegas-Reimers, associate professor of human development at Wheelock College in Boston:
DO initiate a conversation with children if you know they’ve had classroom discussions about what it means to be gay. Ignoring the issue sends children the message that homosexuality is something that shouldn’t be discussed.
DON’T forget that young children (preschool-grade 3) are concrete thinkers. They can’t understand an abstract concept like sex unless, of course, sex has been explained to them in detail. They can understand that sometimes men love other men or women love other women, or that “some kids have two moms or two dads.”
DO talk about “different kinds of families,” and include gay and lesbian families with a mention of divorced and single-parent families, multicultural families, etc. “Even if you don’t embrace the homosexual lifestyle, these families do exist,” says Villegas-Reimers. Talking about differences is a way to encourage children to be tolerant of others, while still giving parents room to express their own values.
This article was reposted from FamilyEducation.com
Why Bias Puts Young Gays’ Health At Risk
(CNN) — When I was 8, I joined the Boy Scouts. I lasted three weeks-couldn’t get the hang of all that knot tying, and no one was interested in singing show tunes around the campfire. I was gay and I knew it. At that time, revealing my sexual identity would have resulted in my exclusion from Scouting. Until the Boy Scouts of America’s historic May 23 vote — which allows gay youth to join the scouts, but upholds the ban on gay adult leaders — thousands of boys across the country faced similar discrimination from the Scouts, who actively and vocally banned gays.
Continue reading Why Bias Puts Young Gays’ Health At Risk
What to Expect When You’re Expecting… and Gay
So you’re going to be a gay parent? Congratulations! No doubt you’ve been through a lot to get to this point, whether you’ve traveled the path of adoption, IVF, artificial insemination, surrogacy, fostering or whatever. Now, you have a lot to do to get ready.
Don’t worry. This isn’t going to be one of those typical posts that tells you to stock up on diapers and learn CPR. Most gay parents are overachievers on that front, I’d guess, since we’ve been planning our families for so long. I know I couldn’t wait to sign up for baby classes.
I wanted to write this post specifically for you, though, the expectant gay parent, because there’s a whole lot of important parenting stuff they’re not going to cover in those baby classes that applies directly to you. There are some special things you’re going to experience because you have a non-traditional family, and I’ve encountered them, so I wanted to give you my tips on how to deal with them.
Continue reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting… and Gay
The Gay Dad Project: Opening Discussion For When A Parent Comes Out
Two strangers, Amie Shea and Erin Margolin, share a unique commonality. Both their dads came out to them as gay, late in life.
Erin Margolin, now 36, was in high school when her parents announced that they were getting a divorce—at the same time her father explained that the marriage was ending because he was gay.
“I was 15-years-old [when] … my dad called a family meeting … so my younger brothers and I sat down in the living room…and he basically started making a speech, like: I am leaving you all because I am gay” Margolin told 429Magazine.
This news hit the teenage Erin hard. She described feelings of distrust, confusion, depression and even questioned her own sexuality.
She recalled that her dad’s coming out, “… turned everything upside down.”
However, despite this shocking and dismantling news, Margolin confirmed that her dad being gay didn’t change the way she thought of him. “I still loved him, I supported him.”
This was a terrible time for Erin’s father, Larry Best, as well. He feared that coming out would create turmoil in his life and feared losing his family and career.
Best, a New Orleans lawyer and firm owner, explained his coming out as, “easily the worst time of my life … I had a crisis of sorts and concluded I could not go on another day. I realized for the first time that I should never have married in the first place. I finally figured out that trying to live the life expected of me was not working and never would again.”
Best admitted that, “telling the children was gut wrenching because I knew our family life as it existed was at an end and this would hurt us all. I doubted their capacity to understand.”
However, Best’s coming out seemed to spark a new theory in the head of his daughter.
“I think that people are on a spectrum there’s not 100 percent straight, not 100 percent gay, there is just all of these different degrees in the middle.
“I don’t know if I ever would have questioned it if he had not come out,” she said.
Amie Shea, who grew up in Cut Bank, Montana, recalled the afternoon that she realized her dad was gay—years before he came out to her. Shea was spending the day in a park with her friend and his cousin. It was the summer before Shea’s Junior year of High School, and she recalled, “asking them [her friend and his cousin] questions about divorce.”
Shea had an intuition that her parents would eventually get divorced. “There was always something kind of different about my parents,” Shea explained.
But it wasn’t until that day in the park that Shea discovered why. Recalling her memory of the conversation she had, Shea explained that her friend’s cousin was the first kid she had met “with a gay parent.”
“[She] told me that [her] dad and mom both had new boyfriends.” Shea was shocked by this statement, and assumed her acquaintance had misspoke. When it was confirmed that no mistake was made, Shea understood.
“I just knew right then that, that explained something about my dad. It just made sense—if my dad was gay, then some how it all just made sense.”
Shea didn’t expose her speculations to anyone. It wasn’t until five years later, during Shea’s Junior year of college when she got a phone call from her dad that confirmed her intuition.
For Shea, the fact that her dad was gay was old news. What caused such emotion for her was the fact that he had hid this huge part of himself from her for so many years.
However, Shea’s anger subsided and a friendship between the father and daughter duo emerged. During Shea’s time abroad in Sweden, she invited her dad to visit.
Shea recalled going to the Stockholm Pride with him, “…[it was] monumental in our relationship. I see that time as…the beginning of us being friends. That was the first Pride celebration my dad had ever been to and it was really cool to show him the big gay world!”
Shea’s father, Pete Shea, 63, who still lives in Montana, did not like hiding his sexual identity from his kids and the rest of the world.
“It was horrible, it’s living a double life … it was miserable, it’s not the way to live,” he told 429Magazine. He wishes he would have told his kids sooner, “knowing what I know now I wish I would’ve told them when they were really young.”
Pete said that he knew he was gay before he got married, but didn’t want it to affect his marriage.
“My thoughts going into the marriage, were that the marriage would change me,” said Pete. “I thought I could learn to love a wife and maybe me being gay would go away. That didn’t work for me.”
Instead of remaining angry, this experience inspired Shea to do something about it—to find a way to get her story out there and to help other families.
“I feel like my parents didn’t really have resources to guide them. There was nothing about how to maneuver a divorce when one of the parents also needs to come out to the kids as LGBT,” she said.
After having no luck finding resources on the subject, several years later, Shea and Margolin both turned to the internet for help. The young women met online and started emailing each other about their separate, yet shared, experience.
Multiple correspondences later, the two decided to start a project, which would act as a platform to share their stories and to begin a discussion for families to talk about coming out as LGBT. Thus, the forming of the Gay Dad Project.
Pete agreed with his daughter. He also hopes that this project will help other families and will provide a space for people to talk. He pointed out that being gay is an unknown for some people and therefore discomforting.
“In Montana, we are a real conservative … [and] … isolated state … the people back here aren’t aware and because they don’t know, they fear.”
The Gay Dad Project, founded by Shea and Margolin in 2012, has sparked discussion and has motivated others to tell their stories—to get the word out and spread awareness. The project, currently a website and blog, will soon be accompanied by a documentary. The Gay Dad Project has raised over $20,000 and film production has begun.
Shea said, “It’s really about telling the stories that you don’t hear, it’s the voices of the kids. What happens after their parent comes out? What is it like right after your parent comes out? It is [the telling of] a family story, by allowing each family member to share their story—their experience.”
This article was reposted from 429Magazine.com
WATCH: NASA releases “It Gets Better” video
Coming Out As A Gay High School Athlete
I’m gay. And I play sports.
Yet in my hick-filled town in Alberta, Canada, my best friends, teammates, and my brothers on the ice and field tell me that gay guys can’t play sports.
I don’t blame them for their ignorance because until I build up the courage to walk out of the closet with my head held high, they have no idea who they’re really talking to.
Until I finally admitted to myself that I am in fact gay, I was in the exact same mind set as my teammates. The only gay person I had in my life was a fairly distant cousin. He’s great, but fits into the feminine gay stereotypes that don’t fit my mold. I knew myself well enough back then that there was no way I could ever fit into a twinky, skinny, feminine box. I also knew that girls weren’t for me. All of this led to a very confused adolescent. The only constant I had was my sports.
Hockey is my main passion and I’m happiest in the winter. My happiness suddenly died down when my coaches introduced us to the locker room showers. Some gay guys ask me why didn’t I just jump right in and admire, and it’s really not as simple as it seems. You should try not getting aroused in a room full of good-looking naked guys your age. I couldn’t do it. With my lack of bravery came years of mocking.
But everything always went smoothly in the dressing room. I would take the occasional peek and would hear the occasional joke. That was until one incredibly unlucky guy got a boner in the middle of a team shower. I felt bad for him because he was shunned and teased to no end. I was also kind of angry. I wasn’t too far away from coming out until my teammate’s unfortunate boner showed me the ferocity of my peers. The closet doors were now a million miles away.
Trapped and with nowhere to go I began searching on the internet for coming out stories from guys like me. To my disappointment, I couldn’t find anything besides stories of guys who went to arts schools and came out flawlessly or news articles of the boy who committed suicide because of the bullying he endured from his peers and “friends.” None of this was helping me out so I looked for something different.
I eventually found gay athletes on Twitter that were the opposite of the stereotype I was told I had to conform to and my eyes were opened up to a totally different gay guy, the gay guy who would disprove my mocking friends cruel and dismissive attitudes. This was who I wanted to be.
Twitter has become my way of expressing the feelings I’ve stuffed deep down in a titanium safe for years. I’ve opened up and my Twitter is my full personality. Meeting gay guys who have played hockey or rugby or any other sport allowed me to feel finally not alone.
In the four months since first clicking the sign up button, I have come out to 10 people close to me. Three of those people were guys on my team. Although they sometimes bug me about my being gay and I have to remind them I can still beat them up, they are accepting of me. I now feel like I am slowly but surely coming out through the locker room doors.
This article was reposted from theHomoLife.com
Finding A Gay Teen Community In Your Area
Being a teenager isn’t easy and being a gay teen is even more difficult. It is often harder than being a straight teen because of the stigma many still attach to being gay as well as the teen often having a feeling of being alone, not knowing where to turn for support, and the social issues surrounding being gay. Puberty and the years following are riddled with questions, doubts, fears, and a general feeling of awkwardness for everyone going through this period of life gay or straight. As gay teens are a small minority of the population it can be difficult for them to find friends who are gay as well that understand the unique issues they face when trying to deal with and understand these concerns. As having a normal social life with ones peers is essential to healthy development what is a gay teen to do?
Continue reading Finding A Gay Teen Community In Your Area
WATCH: How To Be Gay In High School
High school can be a battlefield for many teens, particularly if you’re gay.
Now, however, video blogger David Levitz, who reveals that he came out at age 11, offers his tips on how to survive high school if you’re gay on his “Stories of a Star” blog.
Levitz, who calls the four years of high school as a “waiting game” (for others to come out), makes suggestions like not crushing on straight boys, staying away from Grindr and use social media to your advantage — but don’t worry too much about having a boyfriend.
“I assure you that once you get onto college or later on in life, there will be time for boys…you shouldn’t neglect what you already have and take it for granted,” he notes.
Continue reading WATCH: How To Be Gay In High School
The Experiences of LGBT Students in Rural and Small Town Schools
Rural lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) students feel less safe, face heightened victimization and have fewer supportive resources than LGBT students in suburban and urban areas, according to Strengths and Silences: The Experiences of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Students in Rural and Small Town Schools, a new study released today by the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN). The report documents the experiences of more than 2,300 LGBT secondary students who attend schools in rural areas, using data collected from GLSEN’s 2011 National School Climate Survey.
“Strengths and Silences is the first in-depth look at the significant challenges faced by LGBT students in rural areas and small towns,” said GLSEN Executive Director Dr. Eliza Byard. “These students are frequently the most isolated - both physically and in terms of access to critical resources and support - and our findings require us to both honor their resilience and respond to their needs.”
Continue reading The Experiences of LGBT Students in Rural and Small Town Schools